Single Status Update
Papa Kangaroo: Where is Junior?
Mama Kangaroo: Heavens to Betsy! My pocket has been picked!
What did the beaver say to the tree?
"It was nice gnawing you."
Teacher: Name a wild animal with horns.
Nervous Nellie: Oh, dear.
Teacher: Now let's talk about the grizzly bear. Do we get fur from him?
Pupil: I'd get as fur from him as possible, myself.
Mama Owl: I'm worried about Junior.
Papa Owl: What's the matter?
Mama Owl: Well, he just doesn't give a goot about anything.
How many hairs in a bunny rabbit's tail?
None. They are all outside.
Was there any money on Noah's Ark??
Yes. The duck took a bill. The frog took a green back. And the skunk took a scent.
Two ants were running across the top of a cracker box. One stopped and said:
"Hey, why do we have to run so fast?"
"Can't you read?" the other ant answered. "It says 'Tear across the dotted line.'"
Witt: Did you ever tickle a mule?
Nit: No, Wit, I never tickled a mule.
Wit: You ought to try it some time. You'll get a big kick out of it.
Customer: Can I put this wallpaper on myself?
Clerk: Certainly. But it would look better on the wall.
Red: I left my watch upstairs.
Ted: Call it. Maybe it will run down.
Red: It can't. We have a winding staircase.
Customer: I would like a pair of alligator shoes.
Salesman: Yes Ma'am. What size is your alligator?
Hunter: I spotted a leopard.
His Wife: Don't be silly, dear. They grow that way.
Teacher: How would you punctuate this sentence:
I saw a five dollar bill on the sidewalk.
Jimmy: I'd make a dash after it.
Ned: Did you hear about the dog that went to the flea cicus?
Fred: No, what happened?
Ned: He stole the show.
Passer-By: Well, I see you are putting up a new building.
Workman: Yes, sir. That's the only kind we ever put up.
Customer: How much is that bird?
Clerk: Ten dollars, ma'am.
Customer: I'll take it. Will you send me the bill?
Clerk: Sorry, ma'am. You'll have to take the whole bird.
The Boss: Where's my pencil?
His Helper: Behind your ear.
The Boss: Come, come. I'm a busy man! Which ear?
Dad: Did you put out the cat, son?
Son: No, is it on fire?
Joe was up on the ladder, helping to paint Googy Guy's house. From the ground, Googy Guy asked:
"have you a good hold on your brush?"
"you bet," Joe answered.
"Are you sure?"
"Sure I'm sure," Joe said. "why?"
"Because I'm going to move the ladder," Goofy Guy replied
That's enough for now, I'm tired of typing.