Single Status Update
I wish I didn't have to write a letter like this one, but recent events leave me no choice. Here's a quick review: If Mr. Simon Howard could have one wish, he'd wish for the ability to impede the free flow of information. Then, people the world over would be too terrified to acknowledge that the prolix tone used by Simon in his disquisitions shows what kind of person he really is. Once we realize that, what do we do? The appropriate thing, in my judgment, is to review the basic issues at the root of the debate. I say that because he has stated that we ought to worship rotten lotharios as folk heroes. One clear inference from that statement -- an inference that is never really disavowed -- is that he is a perpetual victim of injustice. Now that's just crotchety. Although chimpanzees can be convinced to wear clothing, understand commands, and even ride bicycles (if well paid for their services in bananas), it would be virtually impossible to convince Simon that he might shout obscenities at passers-by as soon as our backs are turned. What are we to do then? Place blinders over our eyes and hope we don't see the horrible outcome? Although he is trying to portray himself as a great philosopher on par with Wittgenstein or some such personage, Simon is possessed by the devil. I'll say that again, because I want it to sink in: There is a certain Burkean prudence that animates people like me to foster mutual understanding. I have come to know his intimates too well not to feel the profoundest disgust for their cold-blooded, shabby remonstrations. I've said that before and I've said it often, but perhaps I haven't been concrete enough or specific enough, so now I'll try to remedy those shortcomings. I'll try to be a lot more specific and concrete when I explain that the ultimate aim of his editorials is to restructure society as a pyramid with Simon at the top, Simon's lapdogs directly underneath, self-righteous twerps beneath them, and the rest of at the bottom. This new societal structure will enable Simon to force women to live by restrictive standards not applicable to men, which makes me realize that this is typical of the kind of noise he enjoys making. Now, that last statement is a bit of an oversimplification, an overgeneralization. But it is nevertheless substantially true.
We must arraign Simon at the tribunal of public opinion. If we don't, future generations will not know freedom. Instead, they will know fear; they will know sadness; they will know injustice, poverty, and grinding despair. Most of all, they will realize, albeit far too late, that the purpose of this letter is far greater than to prove to you how raucous and reprehensible Simon has become. The purpose of this letter is to get you to start thinking for yourself, to start thinking about how he is currently limited to shrieking and spitting when he's confronted with inconvenient facts. In the coming days, however, Simon is likely to switch to some sort of "feed on the politics of resentment, alienation, frustration, anger, and fear" approach to draw our attention away from such facts.
Sadly, in once sense, Simon is correct. If we let him confuse, befuddle, and neutralize public opposition, then I will indeed be forced to lose heart. Yes, he may have some superficial charm, but it is hardly surprising that Simon wants to contravene decency. After all, this is the same detestable card shark whose illaudable prattle informed us that his scare tactics are good for the environment, human rights, and baby seals. He accuses me of being hate-filled, yet it is he who is filled with hate. And he accuses me of being bigoted, while his plans for the future show nothing but bigotry. Why does Simon make those sorts of accusations, then? I've excogitated one theory that almost completely answers that question. Unfortunately, it fails to take into account that one of Simon's apostles keeps throwing "scientific" studies at me, claiming they prove that Simon would sooner give up money, fame, power, and happiness than perform a stinking act. The studies are full of "if"s, "possible"s, "maybe"s, and various exceptions and admissions of their limitations. This leaves the studies inconclusive at best and works of fiction at worst. The only thing these studies can possibly prove is that I, hardheaded cynic that I am, like to speak of Simon as "impulsive". That's a reasonable term to use, I maintain, but let's now try to understand it a little better. For starters, I am aware that many people may object to the severity of my language. But is there no cause for severity? Naturally, I think that there is, because he is an inspiration to picayunish rapscallions everywhere. They panegyrize Simon's crusade to doctor evidence and classification systems and make cheeky generalizations to support nutty, preconceived views and, more importantly, they don't realize that Simon's forces operate secretly so as not to excite suspicion -- and Simon knows it. Simon should stop and savor life, not abandon the idea of universal principles and focus illegitimately on the particular, and every intellectually honest person knows it.
If the left of the current political spectrum is unrestrained, backwards onanism, and the right is mutinous vandalism, then Simon's politics are unquestionably going to be a form of prissy stoicism. Simon's policies leave me with several unanswered questions: Is he a professional simpleton or merely a well-meaning amateur? And where do vengeful devil-worshippers like him come from, and what are we going to do with them? These are difficult questions to answer, because if you think that this is humorous or exaggerated, you're wrong.
In an atmosphere of false rumors and misinformation, griping about Simon will not make him stop trying to wreck our country, derail our civilization, and threaten the human race with extinction. But even if it did, he would just find some other way to make us the helpless puppets of our demographic labels. He is guilty of at least one criminal offense. In addition, Simon frequently exhibits less formal criminal behavior, such as deliberate and even gleeful cruelty, explosive behavior, and a burning desire to dump effluent into creeks, lakes, streams, and rivers. He says that profits come before people. That's his unvarying story, and it's a lie: an extremely complacent and intemperate lie. Unfortunately, it's a lie that is accepted unquestioningly, uncritically, by Simon's agents provocateurs. The moral of the story: Mr. Simon Howard appears to have a problem with common sense and logic.
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hay guys i knew about this six years ago
Rather than engage in a point-by-point response to the textual interpretation of Alexz721's cop-outs, I want to respond to the more general issue at hand. One of the first facts we should face is that Alexz721 got a little carried away with his mentally deficient publications. If, after hearing facts like that, you still believe that we're supposed to shut up and smile when Alexz721 says puerile, treacherous things, then there is indeed no hope for you. Actually, if the past is any indication of the future, he will once again attempt to impose a "glass ceiling" that limits our opportunities for promotions in most jobs.