Single Status Update
We have this girl in our class. Naturally attractive, everyone agrees. For about a year, that's all I ever think about. Her. Let's call her H.
The other day, she sat beside me while chatting with one of her friends. I realised my heartbeat spiked, hands sweaty. Given my IRL nature, nobody could tell nor care.
Looking back into the past, something feels off.
Sometimes, she would sit beside me, take the notes written on the board and leave (same for me). Interestingly, she said "hi" a number of times in those occasions. There was no reason to greet me. Maybe out of niceness, sure, but in those situations it's basically unnecessary. I probably greeted her back too.
From a psychological point-of-view, it makes no sense. Everyone knows I'm not the talking kind. Talk to me, I'll probably give a basic response and that's it. For IT stuff, I blabber on forever, but who wants hear that? Anyway, she absolutely, positively had no reason to get my attention. Guess it'll remain a mystery as to why she said it those times.
Last year, during the exams, I would constantly pretend to look at the other students like if I'm bored (which is true), but in reality, I was just doing it to get glimpses of H. I succeeded, but then the invigilator changed my seat so that the invigilator could watch me throughout the whole week of the exams heh.
I recently found out she has a FB account too. Hasn't been active for a year now, but nonetheless it exists. Now I find myself going to her profile page again and again. And now. I have 2 FB accouts: the public "friends with everyone i know or barely know" one and the new private one, consisting of "true" friends and interests. H befriended the public one a long time ago, when she was active. Recently i sent a request to my personal one as a friend too. You see what's going on here? I want her be one of my "true" friends. This speaks volumes of my obsession over her.
About a year ago, me and a group of guys and gals were together chatting (naturally I barely talked). On of the girls mentions to me that H likes me. I responded with a "yeah right" and she said she wasn't kidding. She may or may have been joking, but then again, there was no reason to bring H into the chat. So why did she mention that fact/joke to me?
2-3 years back, one of my friends mentions to me that H was looking at me one day, and he claims that it was because she liked me. I dismissed it because there clearly wasn't enough info to support his notion. But given I'm personality, I tend to take in every little bit of data around me into account. You can tell, because I remembered that 2-3 year conversation like yesterday.
What I'm saying, I have been naturally attracted to her mainly because... She's naturally attractive. But in since last year, I fear it has become my obsession.
I just want her out of my head, and at the same time I want think about her only lol.
Boy, this sure became a big post. Thank you for reading this pointless rant/blog post.
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I also lie to myself and say I'm happier without someone simply because I don't want to go through the "trouble" pursuing a girl I want, but the truth is I'm just afraid or uncomfortable with the risk involved in making my intentions known to her. I actually do the same thing; I start thinking about it long term, decide it'd probably not work out anyway and that I really don't care; but that is just a whole lot of BS. What is so frustrating about your post is that you present good evidence she actually likes you, and yet you want to let a golden opportunity pass you by. None of the girls I was obsessed with in high school ever liked me.
My suggestion is find out what it is she is interested in. If you don't like talking, then just ask her questions and let her do most of the talking. Girls like it when guys are interested in what they are into.
I also am not comfortable in large groups and prefer small groups and one on one. This is totally normal and healthy. It can actually be less healthy to prefer large groups and be uncomfortable with smaller ones or one on one, since people who only prefer large groups may not be comfortable connecting with others beyond a superficial level. All the meaningful and memorable interactions I've had in my life have been in very small groups or one on one. She probably sees that you are quieter and likes that about you. So, please, don't be like me and make excuses because you want to avoid the trouble or disappointment that may be associated with getting to know her.
Why now? Because your youth is the best time of your life, and will be over before you know it. Because you don't want to be yet another youth that proves true the cliché "the youth is wasted on the youth".
Hey man, if someone told me that a gal I like wants me, I'd run be running towards her direction faster than Usain bolt