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About Johnatone

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    Make love not Half-Life expansion packs

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  1. I don't know if it's the stress, the cigarettes, the drugs, lack or sleep or excessive amount of nutty bars, but I thought a thought, and after considering that thought for a while decided that if I thought about it too hard bad things would come of it. So I thought about it for a little while longer, collected which thoughts were important, and completely disreguarded it until today.

    I've also been reading an insane amount of Douglas Adams the last few days.

    I was considering the phrase "You smoke like a chimney!" because it's a phrase I hear often and one which is commonly used and not ment to be taken literally. Well, I thought about it in a literal context, and realized it's utter rubbish.

    Simply put, a chimney does not smoke. A chimney is merely a passageway for controlling the direction smoke travels. The only thing smoking are the burning logs.

    So, with that in mind, I question this: "How does one smoke like a chimney if a chimney does not smoke?" After all, the only thing smoking is the burning tobacco at the end of the cigarette, and one can only smoke if they are set ablaze, which is usually not desired by most people.

    So, in order to prevent my simple mind from collapsing in on itself, I came up with this perfectly logical and politically correct phrase:

    "You use your respiratory system as a passageway for controlling the directional travel of smoke like a chimney."

    Once you've finished marvaling at my ignorance, post some phrases or terms you find to be ignorant, pointless, or rather odd if taken literally.

    1. Show previous comments  12 more
    2. rf`


      "Gotta go take a dump."

      Why would you want to keep it?

    3. Johnatone


      sweet, blogz0r5.

      ravage said:

      "Gotta go take a dump."

      Why would you want to keep it?

      I guess so you could eat it while grinning. :)

      More phrases not to be taken literally:

      Old: "You're a pain in the ass!"
      New PC Version: "Your method of behaving is making me feel uncomfortable and not at all unlike stimulating the nerve endings in my ass!"

      Never mind, I couldn't think of anymore than that. It's early (8:15 AM CST)

    4. kain


      well, smoke emmits from it. so , you are actually like a chimany.