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Everything posted by Johnatone

  1. These are all the good things I have to say about the first episode: Mustafa Shakir was a great choice for Jet. Even with the weak writing, he perfectly captured the spirit of the character, and the moments of banter between him and Spike were best when he had the upper hand in the conversation. I am actually a fan of the art direction. It doesn't always work; sometimes it's good like Sin City, other times it's bad like Sin City 2. But a show like this needs to take some creative freedom to stand out on its own, and in that way the art does give it a very vibrant and sometimes gourgeous feel. This is great in my opinion because there really is no way to translate the 2D hand drawn art to a live medium effectively, but somehow this show takes the concept of matte painting and gives it life. So kudos for that. Okay, I'm done with my positive notes. The first episode was a jumbled, rushed, Frankenstein's monster of a mess. The culprit is the writing. It's very heavy handed with no subtlety at all, and some of the changes don't add anything or, if they were interesting they were executed poorly. The cinematography looked great in the trailer but the long form version doesn't work well. Some of that is poor direction, some of it is the reality of translating 2D anime art to a 3D live action form, and a lot of it has to do with the vast difference in style between American and Japanese directing sensibilities. Which is ironic since Bebop is the creator's love letter to American cinema and music. And while it is nice to hear Yoko Kanno and the Seatbelt's familiar tunes (I've listened to the entire CB soundtrack more than two dozen times in the last year alone), a lot of those tracks felt out of place when used, and anything new didn't really stand out. (Similar to the FLCL sequel OST. Never watched the sequel but the soundtrack was a huge letdown from the original's.) I don't know if later episodes are going to have more original tracks or not, but I'll check them out on Spotify or YouTube. I'm checking out of this show; it could have never worked, even when Keanu was rumored to play the role of Spike fifteen years ago (and would have been too old for the role like John Cho is), but if they were just going to make a live action ova of the main storylines, or take the characters and do their own spin, I'd be a lot more interested. They're trying to do both, and I don't care to see the results. I am curious to see what those of you who do finish the series have to say though. I could be judging too harshly and maybe it comes into its own. But to me, it feels like a cheap facsimile at the moment.
  2. Just as the title suggests, I'm curious if there are any open world games with a population of enemies and NPCs that never regenerate. A game where the deaths matter, and you could ultimately hunt every living thing down. I know there are games with permadeath parameters for player characters, and simulation games with finite populations you have to manage for good or for bad. However, when it comes to open world games like GTA, Just Cause, Skyrim, MGSV, Mercenaries, or whatever the game may be, killing enemies or civilians has very little permanent effect on the gameplay. Soldiers and NPCs respawn like nothing happened, with only the story letting you know things have progressed. (FarCry 2 would have been so much more fun if those fucking outposts didn't respawn immediately and infinitely. The game would still be a slow burning tech demo though.) There are games with morality systems, and this is definitely on track with what I'd like to see. Even then, there aren't many consequences to killing indiscriminately aside from the way NPCs behave around you and a few gameplay choices you may be locked out of. So, assuming this game doesn't exist yet or ever, here's the pipedream gameplay ideas I have for such a system: Remember the first John Wick, where Wick whittled away at the bad guy's henchmen and resources to the point he was willing to give up his own son? Now apply that to a game where you play a criminal. You start killing your own guys, or kill the boss's favorite cousin, and begin a campaign to take over. The boss sends guys at you, you kill them, they get more, but your infamy makes it harder and harder to recruit. The more you succeed, the more wild and desperate the tactics get. They might form an alliance with other crime bosses, or say fuck it and leave town entirely. During this fiasco, you might play recklessly and kill a lot of civilians and do a lot of collateral damage to public property. Because you didn't play it safe, now the cops are on your ass. Since it's gang shit, they're willing to bring in big guns. Had you played it safe, they would have ignored your coup as an SEP*. Get vicious enough in your campaign, and the military might step in. Prove yourself ruthless enough and the city/island/planet government gives everyone the green light to hunt you down. NPCs would start to report your location, shoot at you, form neighborhood watches, or even flee to the outskirts to get away. Eventually, if you wanted to, you could kill everybody. Or, they could kill you and you get an ending that's now considered the good ending because you became the bad guy instead of an anti-hero. Or. Join the police force/military/militia and be a good character, but you're too loose with your gun, too tough in interrogations, and consider yourself Judge Dredd most of the time. So you can be kicked off the force, branded a criminal, and be hunted like a vigilante. Or you can be a good cop and clear the game with honor. Or or. Be a Dexter like serial killer. Be a criminal with a secret serial killer hobby. Start the game with the intent of being a serial killer. You clear with a good ending by retiring a free man, or a bad ending when you get caught or killed. Sick? Sure, but I want my open ended world to be fully open ended and impacted. Not an empty map full of fetch quests and outposts that quickly get boring to capture. Those are just ideas of what you could do with a system like that in my opinion, and I'm probably crazy to think it would be a dynamic game changer. Not to mention I don't wish that kind of a programming task on anyone, as fun as the challenge may be. *SEP = Somebody Else's Problem. Kudos to my fellow H2G2 fans who got it immediately. Please point out any grammatical errors. I'm trying to brush back up on my writing skills. Yes, grammar nazis are very welcome.
  3. Johnatone

    Dumb Movie Ideas

    Oh yeah! I've heard of it. I saw a short clip of the protagonist fucking a guy up a few years ago and was quite impressed. I'm gonna bump it up on my (way too long) list of things I need to read. Funny this is, I saw the original manga is 245 issues and didn't flinch, but when I see that number associated with an anime's length I find something else to watch. But I can honestly say that even though the manga predates my birth by three and and half years, I'd never heard of it until recently, and I thought of explorer man as a stupid little cheap project I could do one day about twenty years ago. Fuck it, I should do it. It's 15 minutes with two lines of dialog, no world building, no explanations, no names, in a vague city, with one single track of music, and the only method of death is a CGI version of 1960's TV style explosion deaths. And I'm in Utah, they love making movies here.
  4. Johnatone

    Dumb Movie Ideas

    Yeah, but have you heard the "'Doom: The Movie: The Board Game III - On Ice! OST: The Concert Film' Orignial Motion Picture Soundtrack" though? It's phenomenal.
  5. Johnatone

    Dumb Movie Ideas

    Not a movie, but a jumping off point. We open to a shot of a young man happily walking down the street on a beautiful day. As he passes by the alley he stops and looks as if he's heard something. He looks down the alley and spots a small gray object. As the young man approaches we cut to a close up view of the object with our subject approaching from the background. It's a classic Gameboy, on the Tetris loading screen, the familiar music blasting away. We cut back to the young man who's face lights up at the discovery, and his pace quickens. But as he gets near, the Gameboy suddenly vanishes, and three ninjas appear. The ninjas proceed to start kicking the shit out of the young man until he finally passes out. In the next scene the young man comes to, shaken awake by his friend. "Are you okay? What happened?" The young man, still confused, says, "I was attacked by three ninjas." His friend replies, "Did you kick back?" Cut to a flashback of me in high school telling this to my friend Kyle. "I hate you," he said, and walked away. Based on a true story.
  6. Johnatone

    Dumb Movie Ideas

    Like this?
  7. Okay, so my assessment that Disney would kill any new attempts to bring attention to the mod being like foxing is somewhat correct. I was hoping I wasn't crazy lol. I remember being worried about that when Quake Champions: Doom Edition came out, and actually thought about it today when I found a screen cap I had of the release weekend matches. Thankfully iD and Bethesda aren't dicks like that to our community though.
  8. Johnatone

    Dumb Movie Ideas

    I've had this idea for a long time. It's an action film. It follows a guy on a quest. Everywhere he goes, he's fighting people. BUT everything he punches or kicks or headbutts or stares down or whatever fucking explodes. So we go through the movie watching this guy be a total fucking badass and fucking everything up until he finally gets to the chamber of the man he's after, who's sitting at the head of room in a throne or some shit for some reason. "Finally, I will have my revenge!" the hero speaks, for the first time. He takes a step towards the bad guy and trips on a snag in the carpet. When he falls forward and hits the ground, he explodes. We end with a shot of the bad guy completely bewildered, asking his arriving henchmen, "Who the fuck was that?!" Cut to title screen The Exploder Man Roll credits You can use this for your next film project. I only ask 5%, a piece of the merchandising rights, my name in the credits, and permission to tag along at conventions. We're gonna be bigger than Short Circuit 2 baby!
  9. Weird but on topic segway...Fox used to own Aliens, but now Disney does, and while the TC walks the line legally it's otherwise fine but there's no way it'll ever be added to the officially supported list for obvious reasons. Correct? Anyway, wasn't "Foxing a project" a term for when a passionate fan project was squashed by the IP holder, named after Fox did that to some fans making a mod using a lot of their character IPs (like a multiverse thing) way back in the day? So Disney foxing a project for infringing on an IP they bought from Fox is...well, not irony. I have no idea what it is, or if I'm even in the right ballpark here.
  10. If you're not in the loop, here's a couple of prominent Doomers playing some of Sandy's levels while talking to the man himself. Some interesting tidbits here about the levels, who did what, artists vs. designers, some gossip, et cetera. Towards the end is the interesting part though: Sandy is asked to put the "Is the Shambler furry?" debate to rest. It's then that we get a look at the inspiration for the Shambler; he leaves it for us to decide. That topic starts at 1:31:50. Screencap below. So my question is, at certain points Sandy sounded bored or disinterested (granted how many times has he gone over all this over most of three decades now), but at other times he seems a little smug. Otherwise he seemed either excitable or trying really hard to make sure he told it as close to exactly as he could remember it, almost cautiously. I've never heard an interview with him before, so is this just his usual style?
  11. With the release of the single player campaign coming soon, I was excited to learn that Infinite is available with the xCloud via Gamepass Ultimate, that the multi-player is available now, that Gamepass and an official Xbox controller both work with my phone, that both those things will work with the Chromebook I'm purchasing Friday, and that I need an excuse to be paying for a 5G unlimited plan. So I've been playing it in a Target parking lot for the last few hours. How does it run, you ask? Is it a horried, laggy mess? Surely the signal quality is inconsistent booty? Some games run great (-ish), and yes and no to the other questions. I'm running the app on a Samsung Note 20 Ultra, with T-Mobile 5G, in a major city. At this spot I have five out of six bars. Network tests earlier in the evening showed an average of 59 down and 10-20 up, but towards the end of the night and right now I noticed a network slowdown; the same tests are showing me at 10 down and 10 up. Halo Infinite plays very smoothly, with no noticeable input lag. However, with the inconsistency of a cellular network and the aforementioned slowdown towards the end of my session, some really nasty lag spikes showed up and lasted for almost ten seconds. A good minute of one match was unplayable. I switched to big team games after that and got much better signal and gameplay before I crashed into a "cannot connect to server" loop between matches and logged off for the night. Overall very smooth experience, and it will serve my purposes well. Infinite has been a ton of fun to play so far. Other games fared differently. I tried to start up Halo 5's single player campaign and it was completely unplayable. (Haters, get your jokes in. I've never played it.) The stream couldn't keep up rendering the game and the input lag was bad. As a disclaimer, the spot I tried that game in was a weird 4G zone in the middle of the city; I know fuck all about the differences between 4 and 5G, but if they're that vast, well, that's crazy. Battlefield 4's conquest large played...pretty good. Noticeable hiccups when action was intense on screen, and the occasional lag spike during a firefight. Playing the objective and using vehicles was fine, and input was otherwise responsive. My friend tried playing one of the Gears of War while we were driving back to his house. Did not work at all. Cellular signal is too inconsistent while moving, which I knew was gonna be the case. He also booted up San Andreas TDE just to give me shit because I've been obnoxiously and incessantly lamenting the missed opportunity and disappointment that game was since it released. (He's fine with it. I'm a purist though.) The Note 20 Ultra's screen is bigger than my Switch Lite's was. However, games for the Xbox aren't scaled for a screen this size, so reading text is a pain in the ass. The Chromebook is 14" so that'll solve that issue. For now. So I'll need to put more time into it. Obviously on a good strong home wifi signal the streaming issues should be nonexistent. There's a ton of single player games on there I never got to experience too. So I think the Gamepass will hold me over nicely until I can afford a real gaming setup. My next test on the network (tomorrow. Today. It's 4 AM, shit!) is the Quake Remaster. I am so pleased with that game. I'm thankful this year to know there's still developers that can treat a franchise with respect and passion when preserving and updating it's legacy for a new generation. I'm just glad I can play Infinite. I'm having a blast with it so far. Funny thing, I have the default controls on but I keep trying to zoom with R3. I didn't even play the MCC with the legacy controls yet my muscle memory kicked in for this one. (Or was Halo 2 zoom L3? I've smoked a lot of pot since then, my muscles might be confused. I sure am.) It feels fun and solid though. I'm pretty new on XBox; aside from the original big box (and the Halo Triple Threat pack and LAN parties, good times) I've been on PlayStation and PC, so if you'd like to play a few rounds and have some fun and just take the piss- I don't get too serious these days lol- add me: Johnny Nebulous (with the UNSC emblem.)
  12. Johnatone

    Halo Infinite (and others) on Android

    I got a chance to play again today. I was on the top level of Trolley Square here in downtown Salt Lake City - third story and open air. My cell quality was perfect. Streaming, navigating menus, and connecting to matches was fast and fluid. However, it was now that I most noticed the input lag. With lower sensitivity and smaller movements it isn't too bad, but I fair a hundred times better in bot matches than I do against real players. So to reconnect with Halo, which is why I got the Gamepass in the first place (I'm not in a posistion to get an XBox or PC at the moment), I'm quite pleased with the results, and I'll just stick to bot and custom matches when I'm not on wifi. Quake Remastered played terribly on the same connection. Too much input lag. If you were unfortunate enough to experience lag on the OG Quake, that's exactly what it feels like (press forward to move, go shooting off in a straight line, go to move again and you have to come to a complete stop before you shoot off in a straight line in another direction. Not rubber banding; I don't know the name for this type of lag.) I'll be trying out all the old and newer single player games mostly, which like you mentioned should be fine if they don't require precise timing. My life has been hectic for the last...eighteen years now? ...so I missed a lot of titles. I just wasn't much interested in my Switch (Link's Awakening and Quake were all I'd actually played in the eight months I had it), I don't have room for a console or PC at the moment, and a gaming laptop is out of my budget. So I'm quite pleased with how far the game streaming and cloud technologies have come (even if I'm not pleased that publishers want the entire industry based around it purely for greed), but outside of situations like mine (space and financial) or people that just want to hop on every now and then and play something new, and $15 a month here and there or all year is cheaper than constantly shelling out $20-60 for games you might not even like, I can't really say that I'd recommend this service as the way to go unless you already have an XBox or PC. But it works for me.
  13. Johnatone

    What Was Your Last Purchase?

    XBox One controller in the black finish for that classic feel, and one month of Gamepass Ultimate, for the express purpose of playing Halo Infinite. Also picked up a badass Cowboy Bebop shirt, because I'm going crazy for that stuff while it's in style.
  14. Johnatone

    Is Rage worth playing?

    Yes. From my experience on PS3 (and a small stint with it on PC): Play RAGE Twice, once on a normal or hard campaign, and once on Ultra Nightmare with the Scorchers DLC. The art style and lighting is quite beautiful, although the pallet suffers from the Quake (Quayola!) playbook. The models are all great, and the whole game has a unique atmosphere. (Which was stripped completely in Rage 2 for a more neon and Borderlands style approach. Boo.) The driving is fantastic, arcade like, and fun, and the multi-player modes for it were great! I wished they had expanded upon this more. However, on PC the driving controls are shit and sluggish to control, and I'm too dumb to get an XBox controller set up properly, so I didn't enjoy those bits as much during that playthrough. The shooting, looting, crafting, gear, and item systems worked flawlessly on a controller and were fun to use. The spider bots are quite OP, and some things like the RC car get completely underused. I said play it with the Scorchers DLC on your second run with the hardest difficulty for a reason: the nail/rail-gun you get is super overpowered, and the additional looting and money means you'll never run out of resources. The gunplay is slow like Doom 3 but a lot more fun. While linear (with a few levels being reversed with evidence of your earlier rampage littering the level for your return and opening up new passages*) there is a nice bit of push and give to a lot of the battles, the arenas feel more handcrafted for each encounter. Other spots you're just playing a lot of wack a mole. I loved the card game: it's my favorite in-game mini-game since FFVIII's card game. I wish there'd been a irl version of it for marketing, or even a companion app for my phone. The other mini-games were fun as well, especially five-finger filet. I felt the Scorcher's DLC was fairly priced and one of the last examples of great single player based DLC before the industry took a shit. It added a little bit of everything to the game except MP modes: a new weapon, characters, an actual boss, a complete side story, more Mutant Bash TV, a couple or mini-games, et cetera. You can get all the preorder DLC on PC with the standard edition by simply changing a configuration file in notepad. Obviously I don't advise doing this if there's a legal way to get it and support the creators/IP holders. But the double barrel, balanced armor set, and extra money and loot from the sewer levels help pad the runtime and make the game easier to get through. I thought the celebrity voice actors were used well, even though I find that whole trend to be a waste of money that could go into development. On the other hand: Steve fuckin' Blum. Hell yes. (I was upset he wasn't brought back for the sequel.) Game was overall too short and the ending was booty, but to 100% it with all the extra content will still fill most of a fun day for you. Lots of potential with this one, a lot of fun for two playthroughs. Then you'll play Rage 2 once and enjoy yourself, but feel a dirty sense of wasted potential. Overall, I think Rage is like Quake 4, flawed but wrongly underrated and forgotten. EDIT: Oh yeah! Co-op. Well. I couldn't find anyone to play online with, my ex-wife refused to play it via split screen with me, and there was only one level I could actually cheese by playing with both controllers. So I guess it's there still. I don't think you're missing too much. And the multi-player car combat was awesome! I was so happy to get the opportunity to experience that. I hadn't had that much fun with a car combat game on PlayStation since Twisted Metal for the original PlayStation (before the started fucking with the car physics in III and beyond, that is.) Yeah, the vehicle MP is a completely underrated and forgotten gem in this game that deserved more attention and post release support. So I guess it's still there, but I don't know if you can do anything with it anymore. But besides that, RAGE + Anarchy Edition DLC + Scorchers DLC is totally worth two sessions. And take the first time slow, breath it in, explore the nooks. It really is worth it (and helps you realize half the nooks are empty so you can skip them on the second 100% guide assisted playthrough you'll do if you're a completionist.)
  15. Johnatone

    John Carmack's biggest mistakes?

    If I understood the Black Book on Doom's engine correctly, then technically it's because Carmack understood how to write code that utilized the processor and RAM hardware in ways they weren't designed for that allowed for a lot of the technical advancements that amazed everyone and pushed the industry for a decade and a half or more. I mean, technically COD was still running a heavily modified Quake III engine until very recently, right? So basically Carmack's own work made his honest for the time comment not obsolete but definitely dated it lol. I'll admit, his description of a VR dependent future sounds more depressing than even the empathy system in Do Android's Dream of Electric Sheep? But with the way people are with their smart phones and attention spans these days, we're technically already there anyway. But at the same time I love exploring the concept. Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex did a good job of showing a more positive spin on the otherwise dystopian idea. One episode in particular featured a home for severely autistic children that couldn't function unless they were fully plugged into the internet. And in the net, their minds functioned so well that they were capable of great things, including building unbreakable online security barriers. So while on the surface a safe place for these kids where they can also be productive was good, but then you have private and military interests poking their nose into it as well as the question of "are the kids being treated well or abused and taken advantage of?" to consider. Anyway, much like Philip K. Dick, Carmack is one of those rare guys who's mind works in a way that can see and accomplish things normal people wouldn't even consider, but because of that they also see other concepts in a different way too and often say or create crazy stuff as well. Like my previous paragraph implies, you have to take the good with the bad on everything lol. What was the topic again? Oh right. I think Carmack's focus on his engine work in the last half of his career with iD is what hurt Doom 3 and Rage the most. A lot of iD engines are best utilized in expansion packs and licensing. D3's engine in Prey and Quake 4 was phenomenal, and Rage would not have received so much flak IMO if more time had been spent on content and the ending instead of megatextures (because I'll be honest, I absolutely loved Rage on the PS3, and the driving segments were amazing ((especially considering iD had never done proper vehicles in an engine before.))) But by that time Carmack was too big to fail in a lot of people's eyes, so there was nobody to ground him. Instead of building crazy code to implement new gameplay ideas, it became building crazy code to show off flashy tech tricks. So maybe not a mistake so much as missed potential due to ego and focus?
  16. I guess every series has it's holiday episode, and CB got two Halloween season episodes (three counting the movie.) I'm not a big fan of horror but I liked them, and better than a Christmas episode or the series going on so long we got the obligatory fan service beach episode lol. I like my 18 episode cut though, I think that's the most complete, and clocks in at 6 hours and 20 minutes, way shorter than the Netflix adaptation. (And you can shave another 65 minutes off if you don't care that much about Ed or Ein and exclude three episodes.) Edit: add two minutes to that time, because you do have to watch the intro and credits sequence at least once. But otherwise I shaved the three minutes for the intro, credits, and "Next time on..." segments but my runtime estimates.)
  17. I still think they went way too far with it. This version is all the spoiled teenage characteristics of the original character with none of the physical or conniving charm, written in a poor, cringeworthy, profanity laced, heavy handed American action style. But yes, a lot of times the original outfit only worked because it was in animated and carefully drawn form. Oh, I actually just wrote up a condensed list of main arc only episodes for newcomers. I had a couple questions for fellow fans on a couple of inclusions/omissions.
  18. Haha, I know my guy. It was rhetorical more than anything, which is why I didn't even address that in my complaints. Thankfully, yes, this doesn't erase any of the original content, and will hopefully bring in some new fans curious as to what the hype was about in the first place. I actually just completed a watch of the original series earlier this year; I was going to make a list of essential episodes for newcomers that only covered the main character's arcs, because even as a diehard fan I admit some of the filler episodes were not on par or a little slower and make the whole thing drag a bit. Which is why I said a live action version being simply an OVA of Spike, Jet, and Faye's main arcs, or splitting that concept up into two seasons, and cutting Ed entirely now that I know what that looks like (yikes!), that could have worked. Or new stories with the same characters and universe doing its own thing could have worked. Not this mishmash of those two concepts though, like this is. I feel like they took it too far in the other direction though, but their writing for Faye stripped her of the femme fatale approach for a more heavy fisted mouthy teenager, so there's no need for her to be sexy since she's just going to smart mouth or assault all her problems away now. Look, that would have been fine, but as a lover of Corgis who grew up with several Pembrokes, they just look so silly with tails, ya know? Lol EDIT: But it was many, many years before I could take my dogs out and people weren't delightfully surprised at the sight of a tailless dwarf dog. Now they're more common so the awe it gone but the missing tail had always a topic of interest before. It was always normal to me though haha.
  19. @lazygecko Well, now I'm done for good with this show. They could have cut Ed completely to be honest. That's one of those absurdities of anime that doesn't work well in real life. It's horrifying that they saw that and kept it in. Again, less is more. With only ten episodes in this season I can already tell nobody is going to have room to breath or grow. You're absolutely right though about reinterpretation not only between mediums, but cultures as well. The creator of Infernal Affairs praised The Departed (but did have a couple of fair criticisms as well.) Sin City and Watchmen translated page into screen well, although the latter felt stiff because of it. There's got to be a certain level of passion and understanding for the original material for something like this to have a chance. Compare the recent Quake Remaster (clearly a project of passion, understanding, and respect) to the GTA Definitive Edition (poorly ported and optimized, broken, and clearly a cash grab.) One translates the medium to bring it to the modern era for all to enjoy, the other shits all over the legacy and common decency.
  20. Johnatone

    For those who hit rock bottom, what’s it like?

    Sorry to bump the thread, but I really wanted to think my response to this all the way through. From my personal experience, while I've definitely hit walls hard as fuck when it came to personal progress, I have yet to experience rock bottom, as do all of you. I believe this because while you might dig yourself a really deep hole, you always find a way to climb out of it. No matter how difficult, slow, painful, or shockingly self-reflective the climb may be, you somehow find a way every time, because you're still here to testify of your experience. You only truly hit rock bottom when you dig a hole so deep that it collapses in on itself and buries you. If the path of this hole resulted in a fatal outcome, you have hit the most absolute of rock bottom because you can never come back from that. But what about other instances such as being sentenced to life in prison or a seat of death row? Yes, there could be a pardon or your case could be overthrown, but for almost all people in that situation that's a pipe dream that'll never be, and so a legal sentencing of either is something you'll never come back from, i.e. rock fucking bottom. Were you visiting another country and a group of rebels there kidnapped you and held you hostage deep in their jungle, where you eventually die from one of many possible causes? Yup, rock bottom. Or a very obvious and sadly visible form of rock bottom I see everyday in downtown Salt Lake City: people who's addictions went so far that they completely fried or rewired their brain. You see them randomly along State Street quite a bit, filthy and wearing old worn clothes muttering and talking at nothing and their limbs randomly spazzing out because they've severely damaged their central nervous systems. No rehab or medicine will ever be able to help them. Their consciousness is either dead or trapped behind glass screaming in horror at a body they no longer occupy except as an observer. Either way, there's no coming back ever from that. Total rock bottom, and something that probably started as an innocent past time every other weekend. I'm sure there are other better examples, but I don't have a very good imagination. But I can attest with authority that we have yet to see rock bottom because we always found a way out, and I hope for each and every one of us that neither our own decision making or things we can't control lead us to that inevitable end. Every single goddamn year since I was sixteen a few types of events will occur without fail and plunge me back to square one. The year starts strong and hopeful, but then the cracks start showing more and more, and the more I try to fix things the worse things get. Finally everything bottled up over the year explodes with the destructive power of a nuclear bomb, and in my attempt to flee and exonerate myself I do everything in my power to enhance that destruction one hundred fold. I lose my job, I come close to losing the few things I still have while I'm between paychecks and have to pick and choose the one or two things I want to salvage. I intentionally and with prejudice burn bridges with almost everyone, and the people I wanted to salvage turn their backs on me. I have to move again, start over again, each time having less and less of nothing to start with. I'm fucking insane, and left untreated my severely aggressive manic depressive bipolar disorder is seemingly geared towards my self-destruction. It happened again last week when I resigned after I filed a report with the corporate office against my entire team. My report is going to burn a lot of people, and my reputation due to my explosive temper at the end has ensured the rest of the team is going to forget me rather quickly. I am in no way prepared financially to support myself between jobs, and I have shed 98% of all my physical worldly possessions already so there's not much left I can shrink on my overhead or sell to stay afloat. I've been living in my car since February as it is, with no end to that in sight due to aforementioned financial failures and a stupidly inflated renting market. A fight with my mother during a nervous breakdown a few months ago finalized the act of my family cutting me off entirely. The few friends I have are all dealing with hardships of their own and can't help nor would I ever ask to begin with. I was denied every single form of welfare and assistance I could sign up for shortly before I quit, and so I can't reapply for six months. Oh, I relapsed on meth a month and a half ago; tbh since I'm using strictly by myself and don't have to deal with the addicts and culture usually associated with it I've been able to control lose doses of it to where its medicinal like Adderall, but it's fucking meth and it will kill me eventually if I don't stop. And a host of other things. And I'm already climbing out of the hole as we speak. I have a plan to take care of my more serious issues finally and just need patience while I sit out waiting lists and and waiting for whenever my next job's insurance kicks in. My major bill collectors have always been good about working with me during hard financial times so I'll be able to keep my car, which is kind of the linchpin of allowing me to maintain some semblance of a normal life. I have somehow come out of this with a very few but very close and honest friends, a support system I lacked over the years that is doing wonders for helping me decompress. There are jobs I'm now qualified for hiring everywhere with much higher wages and even sign-on bonuses. And like the last two years despite having to pack up and leave town in a hurry I get to stay in Utah which makes me happy. I love it here. But in the past pack up and leave meant leave the state immediately and maybe change my identity depending on who exactly I pissed off. Et cetera, et cetera. New year, same scenario, different setting, easier to deal with every time but at the same time pushing me closer to the inevitable rock bottom if I don't change things soon. But I'm not there yet. Somehow I get lucky in spots I have no business getting out of scot free, and there are always resources and opportunities to help if I search deep enough. Every disaster has been a learning experience: I baby step away from a dumpster fire that I added gratuitous amounts of accelerate to purely out of spite on my way out the door. I'm stupid and keep beating my head against the wall yet somehow I survive. So when things get tough and it seems like there's no way out, just remember that you're not dead yet, and as long as you've got a little life in you then you can grip the walls of the hole tightly and get out of it no matter what. The key is to try and avoid digging the hole in the first place if at all possible, and if others started digging the hole for you then learn to build bridges so you can cross it safely. Don't let them keep digging and then push everyone in like I do. (But if I'm getting thrown under the bus like I always do for things that aren't my fault, then I'm taking every last one of those motherfuckers down with me. Because I will NOT be the only one punished.) We haven't hit rock bottom yet my fellow Doomers. Be happy that despite all those hard times, you found the will to climb out and saw the helping hands along the way. And if you're in the shit like I am, don't lose hope. Believe me, I've been in or created situations so bad that I can't return to certain places I used to live because I will be shot on sight (if they're feeling merciful; I know one place will beat me to death if I return because they're some wild mothefuckers like that.) May rock bottom forever fuck off far, far away from our destinies, and may we all find a life where there's no digging to be done. Never give up.
  21. Johnatone

    Who still uses fountain pens, anyway?

    My parents bought me a set for Christmas in either '93 or '94 iirc. I opened the box and examined all the components for about five minutes and never touched it again. I had excellent and very neat handwriting skills from a young age, and for some reason my parents decided that they should get me something I had absolutely no use for because I had no interest in the skill set or applications it could be used for. They had a knack for wasting their money and disappointing me with gifts like that.
  22. Johnatone

    Doom Eternal early copy spoilers

    The video was taken down just now as I was reading the spoilers. Some good info in there; I didn't mind spoiling it for myself since I won't get to play the game for some time.
  23. The trailer was amazing. It makes me sad that I'll miss this on launch due to financial constraints, because every bit of new information has me super excited for. Can't wait to play it later this year though!
  24. Johnatone

    React To The Profile Pic Above You

    Metal. Metal af.
  25. Johnatone

    So, how old are you ?

    On page 12 I was 28. I was married (not happily) and stuck in a rut. My life felt like I was going nowhere. On page 21 I was 30. I was recently divorced, depressed, and in the beginning stages of an intense drug addiction. On page 25 I was turning 31. I was about to enter into the worst period of my drug addiction. A few months later I had lost everything. A lifelong friend from middle school bought me a bus ticket to Salt Lake City, where I went with nothing but a bag of clothes and started over. Now I'm 32. I've turned my life completely around. I kicked the drugs cold turkey. I'm dating a good woman. I have plans and a clear path for the future, and a sense of optimism for the first time in my life. It is absolutely crazy how much has happened in the last five years. I can't even keep it all straight in my head. The next decade will be quite busy but I'm excited to see what it brings.