Single Status Update
Cautiously navigating the patchwork of ice that lay scattered across his friend's driveway, he shuffled as quickly as he could for the 1988 Park Avenue that hummed in neutral. The outraged cry of a second companion, not the driver, wafted across the chill air and clung to my numb ear in defiance, "Hey, you can't take shotgun! You didn't call it!" he shouted.
"You can have shotgun next time, guaranteed. No bitching from me at all. Okay?"
"Fine. But can we go to Taco Bell in Wausau? Fuck the diners, I don't have time for them and any woman named Edith, even if she does have a pot of coffee for me."
Both heads swiveled to the driver, eyes glazed over a bit with expectation, but mostly the cold.
With a sigh of exasperated resignation, the reply we half-heartedly hoped for came to us.
The trio climbed into the car, already warm, and enjoyed the warm heat flowing from the dash -- perhaps a little too much. As the car pulled out of the driveway and into the snowy lane, the two passengers began conversing as the driver focused on the road.
"You do know that I really will forfeit shotgun to you whenever you ask, right?" ventured the one in the front seat.
"Despite the fact that you're an asshole for robbing me, I guess I trust you that much, not that you deserve it," the other retorted.
"But I'm going to choose the worst time to take you up on that. Say, somehow a Jurassic Park-type scenario occurs in the future -- and there's a man in a two-seat dune buggy or something like that who says something typical like, "Come with me if you want to live!", and we're running from a pack of velociraptors or a tyrannosaur or maybe Al Sharpton looking for campaign funding, that's when it's happening. That's when I get shotgun and you can just fend for yourself."
"Yeah? Well fuck you too. If I were you, I wouldn't be a total shit-stain and not let you sit on my lap or something. Oh Christ, look at me, I'm swearing. You really bring the worst out of me. I guess it makes me a little less guilty for saying that I thought about your sister when I was masturbating yesterday. You know, when my mom almost caught me."