Single Status Update
I still don't have cable set up at the new place, but I've managed to get internet access on my desktop using a slightly convoluted method.
My cell phone has as unlimited data plan, but no USB tethering. My mom gave her old phone to my wife, but it has no service. I connected her phone to mine via WiFi hotspot, and connected it to my computer via USB.
I can't help but feel that I beat the system in some small way.