Single Status Update
I have to vent.
I've been hiding in my room 24/7 with the exception of work due to some unexpected guests I didn't have any time to prepare for. It's been three days. Today is my day off and all I want to do is eat and go outside. I want to throw on some decent clothes, head over to the coffee shop and read some of my books. But there are obstacles between myself and the doorway.
I'm afraid of people. More specifically, I'm afraid of people who are able to step onto my own turf. I'm afraid that they will silently judge me and talk about me behind my back when I meant no harm. So I make sure to shut myself away so I don't give them anything to talk about.
Work and texting are a godsend for me, because they allow me to control how I am perceived. Customers who I will never see again, my workmates and my long-distance friends only have to see my playful and cheerful side. I am never obliged to give them a glimpse into how dull and empty my life really is, and how horribly far removed I am from the functional adult that I should be.
- Show previous comments 5 more
@Grain of Salt While I agree my replying to this isn't likely an intelligent decision, I think you've either misunderstood what I typed or I simply didn't word my thoughts as well as I should have; that's not exactly what I was implying and I certainly hope I didn't come across so judgemental, (as that is not my place; we all live different lives and supporting one-another is the key to reaching a better place) but you are 100% correct with what you said. Also, after rereading my earlier response I can see how you got that from it, though stripping that one sentence out as a quote also removes its context...
The original messages themselves from Mar, plus statuses he posted before these ones, were vague and could have implied many things; even to infer anxiety is only considering but an end-symptom of the larger issue, as anxiety has many causes. Given the original posts' clear lack of specifics and airing too much 'dirty laundry' publicly, I wanted to be tactful and so I stuck with matching my response to be as general and vague as the information given... and given that Mar 'liked' the response, I can only assume that he liked the response. But I hadn't yet seen anyone else say "we love you Mar; feel our love," and that really needed to be said at some point; not just to be "helpful" or nice or whatever, but because it's true and I know more than a few people who I know feel that way. Add to that the fact that merely saying "I wish you the best" or 'liking' what was a negative post isn't exactly meaningful, and possibly uncouth in the latter scenario. Also the additional responses after the OP implied that Mar wanted at least a visible ear, which we all need sometimes; that's extremely important for our mental well-being and totally understandable.
I'm sure what I said wasn't perfect, finding the right words can be a daunting and perhaps impossible task at times, but I said what had to be said at the time because I care, as I'm sure many of us do, but somebody has to take the first step to say how they feel at some point. Maybe I should have typed less on account of so much left unsaid, but I wanted Mar to know he had my undivided attention then because he is important to us.
None of us are psychologists; at best some of us have taken maybe a handful of psych courses in our wild college days and some have unfortunately had to see them more personally, but none of us have studied enough of the vast cases out there to know everything (and even then the number one rule is that nothing is 100% when dealing with humans); even within the field of psychology there are many different specialities, as well as approaches/philosophies for those. Point being, DW isn't the place for real psych help; if we have one certified psychologist here it's a wonder, and the chances of them also being relevant are slim. I think that's fairly well known/to be expected. DW is a place for encouragement and socializing with regular people who share one of our main likes/hobbies in life, which I think was echoed in Mar's vague OPs here: I believe he wanted to talk to a casual friend; have an ear to listen and a heart to comfort, not open totally up to a psychologist.
Sorry for posting this here; I believe in the end we all do just want Mar to get to a happier place in life, tough as the current situation can be to live with or hopefully one day overcome. Hope is important to help us keep the drive to do whatever it is we have to do on a daily basis to get by in this often cold-feeling world. Reach for the stars and one day you might reach the moon; reach to overcome and maybe manage to find joy while living with. Might be a cliche, but something has to drive each of us; I have seen enough depression to know that.
Also, next time you talk to me, being overtly disrespectful isn't appreciated. And maybe throw a token message of encouragement/love in for the person we're here for. Get your shit together; thank you.
Hey Fonze, just want to let you know that both of your responses meant a lot and you didn't come across as judgemental at all :)
I'm gald to hear that my words meant something positive to you Mar, because I meant what I said :)