⇛Marnetmar⇛

Geo,you mind if I steal your "I'm gonna sit down now" bit?

Here's the revised set if I were to include that:

Ahh, I’m gonna sit back down now.

Just kidding. Thanks for having me here, it’s nice to have an audience of entirely new faces since everyone who knows me has…already left the café.

But y’know, people have lives. It’s getting late, we’re a college town, they’ve got classes they need to be at in the morning, some of ‘em have got kids to take care of, some of ‘em work and they’re all gonna die from dysentery and the world’s gonna be a better place, screw ‘em.

Speaking of college towns, isn’t [my town] an interesting place to have one? I’m not saying that I don’t like [my town], I live here, but if it were to suddenly disappear…I would not notice. I would continue my journey through the desert searching desperately for food and water, nothing would change.

People come up to me and go “Well Jeff, if you’re so bored all the time, why don’t you go to the institute?” (Context: I'm in Utah and there's an LDS church building on campus called the institute)

Well last time I went in there I went into spasms and started speaking in tongues.

“But they’re having wholesome family fun night! There’s gonna be capri sun and scrabble!”

Nah, I’m good, I’m just gonna stay home and listen to my Judas Priest records.

“What ward are you in? I’m reporting you to the bishop!”

I dunno, Gryffindor? Ravenclaw? I took the quiz twice and got different results, so, y’know.

Ah, this won’t shock anyone, some people who went and saw the eclipse the other week decided to look directly at the sun, but what’s interesting is that some of the people who did that have been going into the hospital reporting eye pain. And the reason that’s interesting is because there are no pain receptors in your retina. It’s like a welder’s flash, it’ll damage your vision, but you won’t feel it physically. And the reason I’m telling you that is so I can tell you this. I was reading the news on Reddit recently, and you can look this up for yourself, a headline comes up that says:

“Report: Some patients treated for putting sunblock in eyes during eclipse”

That was not a punchline. There are no tags. You know, if you taught news anchors the principles of comedic timing, there would be no more stand-up comedians. They would be completely outclassed.

(The first third or so of it, that is.)

Steal my bit. Speaking of stealing my bit... my local radio station used to have a weekly five minute clip of a comedian's stage show if he was in the area. I watched a lot of comedy central 20 years ago. Lots of standup comedy, even with obscure comedians. So I've heard a lot of comedy and from that I began to recognize modern comics stealing bits from obscure comedians 20 years ago.

Not even coming up with similar jokes, but I'd go online type in the joke and be able to find clips from 20 years ago and modern comedians. So obscure stealing from obscure.