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Man of Doom

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Status Updates posted by Man of Doom

  1. Pretty much the final version of a statement I've been thinking to make to a "friend" very soon:

    Note: kind of long

     

    Spoiler


    Quote

    An Open Letter to A Friend

     

    Dear Friend,

    I’ve written this statement in the first place to show you from my perspective what exactly happened.
    It’s difficult to organize my thoughts about everything that went wrong over the course of several months. I hope this will suffice.

    This has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to write, if not the hardest. 

     

    I hope my sharing this will prevent anything like this from ever happening again.

     

    I know posting anything about you or this incident on any (semi-)public forum will get me labeled “angry”, “crazy”, or a “liar”. I’m too ashamed to be any of those three.

    I need to speak up regardless because I'm at a point where I'm under so much emotional pressure that I need to do so for my own peace of mind.

     

    This is not some weird-ass trolling attempt or “just a prank, bro”.
    This is not a shitpost of any kind, nor is this some channer-tier op.

    I have absolutely nothing to gain from posting this, except for possibly getting some of my sanity back (and not even that’s guaranteed).

     

    It’s scary knowing that others will see this. It’s heartbreaking because I’ve spent so many months disassociating and compartmentalizing what exactly happened. 
    As a warning, there will be potentially triggering descriptions of mental illness and how it’s handled by society at large, suicidal ideations, a mention of a successful suicide, and the suicide attempt of a public figure to follow. This may exacerbate suicidal ideations, so proceed with caution.

     

    I was more than ready to just move on without saying anything.
    Recent revelations have forced me to speak up.

    It’s too hard to not say something at this point because I can’t keep this up anymore. 

     

    I’m doing this for me. It's necessary for my healing.

    Right now, I'm looking at a future where it seems like my famous friend will just continue parading her innocence around no matter how absurd it gets, all while she publicly gloats about how she simultaneously loves everyone and hates me.

     

    A while back, I found this video of a YouTuber who I’ve barely heard of until recently. I now follow him on Twitter since he’s a nice dude and whatnot.

    It was a diverting little video that interweaved his own personal life with philosophy. Personally, I could relate to him on just about every level (from the feelings of worthlessness leading up to a suicide attempt to the acknowledgment of needing to address mental health in a healthier way). 

    Bear with me.

    The video in question was of him speaking up about the abusive relationship he was stuck in for some time and how it drove him to take his own life. But after he was able to leave, months after the suicide attempt, he was able to blossom in both his personal life and his career in ways that he never previously thought of. He even made previous videos regarding mental health and suicide. 

    It wasn’t until he talked to a therapist that he realized that he had been traumatized. According to him, “trauma isn’t like a lightning bolt but rather a poison that gets slipped into one’s food until they stop functioning.”

     

    But there was one quote that stuck out to me in particular:

     

    “When we get to know someone very well, we take on a little bit of them into ourselves. 
    They become like an audience and it affects our self-perception. 
    A good romantic partner (or a good platonic friend) will hopefully build you up and enable you to see yourself the way they see you.
    The internal critic becomes an internal advocate and you start going, ‘well, the things I don’t like about myself — when we’re together, they actually kind of work’.
    And if you find somebody like that, hold onto them. 
    But when somebody starts writing the script for that little voice and put in some really nasty lines, believe me, you can live in fear of somebody half your size.”

     

    I have spent the last several months living in fear of somebody half my size.

     

    You left me traumatized.

     

    While I was indeed terrified of you and traumatized by you since the falling-out, it wasn’t until a couple of months ago that I was starting to fully register the pain and damage done to me by your actions and words.

     

    Some time ago, someone whom I hadn’t talked to in a long time sent me a screencap of a comment you made about me. They confirmed you were indeed shit-talking me (and I didn’t ask where exactly they got the screencap from because it didn’t occur to me at the time).

     

    To say that I’m hurt and upset by your comments and actions is an understatement.

    Unless I did something like send you inappropriate messages, especially things like sexual comments or entitled Nice Guy rants, they were completely uncalled for.

     

    I should mention that I’ve always held myself to certain standards (both as a result of past experiences and societal norms) and that informs how I should always interact with people.

     

    Next, I learned through firsthand experience and reflecting upon this situation (with professional help and guidance) that I have good reason to suspect you gaslighted me for at least a few months prior to the falling-out, if not longer. This was because I had apparently disagreed with you on a very private topic, and the gaslighting was at its worst when this happened.

     

    You even went so far as to blame me for making you “feel like a bad person” just because I didn’t agree with everything you told me without question. You even got defensive and insisted on denial/deflection when I suggested practical solutions for what seemed to be something of a pertinent issue.

    Here’s the thing: I know that friends are supposed to be “ride or die who stick up for each other”, but they’re also supposed to be able to agree to disagree. Because someone unable to do that is not a friend but a sycophant.

    If that isn’t the reason, I honestly don’t know what is.

     

    I’ve also come to notice out of hindsight that you were always fixated on people who have displeased you in some way and how you gloated about how karma will screw them over at some point if it hasn’t already. I’ve even noticed that you actually enjoyed doing this. 

    You gloated over the harm that came over people who have done you wrong. (It was extremely unattractive.)
    I’m ashamed that I didn’t mention this sooner.

     

    I now have to ask: it really isn’t enough for living well to be the best revenge, as you once said yourself?

     

    I spent nearly a year in near-complete isolation, ostracized from your social circle because you made it clear to me that I was not welcome around your friends anymore just because I stepped out of line for even a second.

    I’m more than sure that you’ve shared with them a version of events that omits the misunderstanding portion and portrays me as an aggressive and unreasonable person. As though I’m somehow some kind of sex pest, an obsessive stalker, or an “entitled fan”.

     

    It’s because this whole situation was predicated on poor communication and misunderstanding.

     

    It’s also because I’m not some creepy sadist looking for attention, but someone who’s been hurt by your words and actions. All of this has led me to believe that you’ve compartmentalized your feelings/memories to suppress your guilt.
    So that you could isolate people into manipulation and make sure they never get the full picture.

     

    I’m no blameless saint and I know that I did many things wrong.

     

    If anything, the lack of communication was entirely my fault.

    I should have been clearer about a lot of things and there were things that I never should have said, period.

    I never should have panicked (seriously that one string of emails was the result of a nervous breakdown). Whatever thoughts I had at that time were completely irrational and stemmed from then-unresolved trauma. 

    I am still holding myself accountable for my actions.

    I still am extremely sorry for everything I did to you.

    It’s one thing to share personal topics, but another thing entirely to dump emotional baggage.
    2018 being an absolute shitshow was no excuse for me to use you as an emotional crutch back then. And like I said in my apology, I didn’t realize the full scope of what I was doing to you until it was too late.

     

    I know that you’ve hurt me, but you still have good reason to be angry with me.

     

    I know there’s still so much I have to answer for, and I’m still on the path to self-improvement.
    I may not be there 100%, but I’m well on my way.

     

    However, I’ve come to discover that you’ve tried your damnedest to make me feel responsible for everything that went wrong in the friendship, insisting that the only person in the wrong was me, insisting that *only you* tried to make things work. For the longest time, everything was my fault, the problem was always me… even when it wasn’t.

     

    You told me that you were just being “blunt”, but in reality, you were being an asshole.

    When you told me that people with autism were “not normal” and “constantly needed help”, you were not being helpful as you claimed. You were being insulting. 

    Not just to me, but everyone I care about who’s on the spectrum, including my ex.

     

    As a result of all this, you used my being on the autism spectrum as a weapon against me, to justify your actions so you could easily brand me a “creep” and keep your conscience clear at the same time.

     

    You think it’s somehow reasonable and even necessary to show absolute mercilessness in the event there’s some kind of perceived slight against you.

     

    When this happens, it’s not enough for you to stop talking to that person or even to block them.

    You also have to make sure that this person is completely isolated from whatever support network they can find, which usually includes just shit-talking them or just making sure that the person in question is completely kicked out of whatever support network they’re able to find. You still feel an obligation to do this *even* if the person in question just wanted to find some emotional support while they’re in the process of moving on.

     

    When you did or said something that hurt someone’s feelings, you would explain why you were right instead of apologizing. 

    You would double down and go out of your way to shame the other person and make them feel like shit. This makes people feel dirty and abused as a result.

    Even if someone is technically beaten in an argument, they feel so demeaned and diminished by the process that they’re unable to let it go.

     

    You would not survive the rules you impose on others.

     

    You were caught shit-talking someone you claimed was a good friend. And then you made sure they would never be able to have a lasting means to acquire emotional support even if they’re just trying to move on. Yes, they may have done you wrong but they’re trying what they can to learn from the experience so that they can better themselves. 

     

    After all, you said this yourself:

    “If you ever talk shit about me or anyone I care about, you are dead to me.”

     

    This absolutely fails to address that people can absolutely change for the better.
    Despite what you may think, most people aren’t out to get you and a few shitheads aren’t going to change that.

     

    I know you’ve had to deal with shitty ex-friends and abusive exes for literally years now, but that doesn’t give you an excuse to lash out at others.

     

    Moreover, you never let anything go. You have become exceedingly passive-aggressive when it comes to this, beyond the realm of rational human thought.

     

    Even after some semblance of calm, you consistently and repeatedly introduce your enemies (both real and perceived) into your own posts and statements in a variety of subtle and not-so-subtle ways.
    I learned about this purely from hindsight.

     

    You poke, prod, provoke, and antagonize even when it’s not necessary.

    Even when your perceived enemies have long since moved on, and even when your real enemies are too busy digging their own holes for themselves.

     

    It’s possible you do this as a coping mechanism to deal with the way you’ve been abused and mistreated by people, but it is still beyond the realm of just being traumatized and it just becomes excessive.

    Even if someone steps away, refuses to mention you, and confines their future statements to be as emotionally distant and technical as possible:

    You will still bring them up ad-nauseam, even months to years after the initial incident.

     

    You will not extend the same behavior to others that you demand for yourself.

     

    *Your* sniping is reasonable, justified, and dedicated to reminding everyone just how *horrific* these liars and harassers are.
    Because *their* sniping is harassment, you see.

     

    You took my secrets, insecurities, and fears, and you threw them all in my face.

    Because as far as you were concerned, *you* were always Right and *everyone else* was always Wrong.
    You insisted that anyone who was Wrong was mentally ill, unstable, a psychopath, or just a troll.

     

    There was nothing you would let go and no line you wouldn’t cross.

    There’s a very distinct difference between “I dislike this person because they’re a dick” and “I dislike this person because they’re neurotic”.

     

    You didn’t care. As far as you were concerned, you were just weeding out the weak before adding them to your very own Enemies List(tm).


    Instead of acknowledging that what happened was an extremely complicated situation based on legitimate misunderstandings, you declared me an outsider and used the full weight of everything you knew about me to try to destroy me emotionally and then persuade me to publicly and privately declare that I deserve to be ruined as a person.

     

    Because it was much easier for you to play the victim and I the nemesis. Do you do this for every single person who has ever wronged you, accidentally or otherwise?

     

    Like it wasn't enough to dehumanize me by treating my pain and desperation like some kind of act designed to make you "feel guilty".

     

    In all of this, there has been an abject lack of empathy on your part.

     

    This all has to change.

     

    Betrayal trauma is a very real thing that can be diagnosed by an actual psychiatrist. I know because I was actually diagnosed with the real thing (among other things including C-PTSD).

     

    It’s fucking horrible that things have gotten to this point and I really wanted things to be better between us. Especially because I truly did consider you to be the closest thing I’ve ever had to a best friend, without any hint of exaggeration. 

     

    I trusted you.

     

    The friend that I completely confided in, the one person who promised to be there when she could, threw me to the dogs to save her own reputation.

    I'm not even talking about you cutting off whatever support networks you can find after calling me a creep, I mean this whole "but everything is ok" situation. Unbelievable.

     

    You moaned and complained about how people will dogpile you over a single detail even if you said: “I’m sorry”.

    You agonized about how “people from Miami” don’t get what it’s like to be a friend that sticks up for you no matter what.

    You want more than anything to have “the right to be forgotten” here in the States.

     

    But again, you will not extend the same courtesy to others that you demand for yourself.

     

    We were already building a work of collaborative fiction and a friendship I had complete faith in. It all got messed up through constant lies and broken promises, all while telling me that none of it was happening and our friendship was failing because I'm just bad.

     

    A gut feeling kept telling me that something was wrong, but I wanted to believe in your honesty.

    But you constantly told me, "there's nothing going on right now; you're just paranoid and it's hurting me".

     

    And then there was that time you threatened to call the cops on me because I had opened up to you about the suicidal ideations I had struggled with for some time. You used your position as a professional therapist to justify doing that.

     

    There’s a couple of things I would like to say regarding this:

     

    I can tell you that there is a *very* distinct difference between “I’ve been struggling with suicidal ideations for a while now and I just wanted to let you know” and “if you don’t contact me in less than three hours, I’m going to kill myself”. The latter was something I never said, and it’s something I would never say to anyone under any circumstances no matter how bad it gets.

    Plus, the ideations in question were caused by months of extreme stress and upsetting events like when a friend of mine had taken their own life; those ideations had absolutely nothing to do with you.

     

    And here’s what I have to say when it comes to calling the cops to try helping an at-risk individual, from one mental health advocate to another: NEVER EVER DO THIS.

     

    To say it’s a good idea to call the cops when someone mentions suicidal ideations, or when you assess them to be at a particular level of seriousness, is to ignore the countless incidents where cops actually end up murdering those they’re called in to “help” (does Charleena Lyles ring any bells?).

    It also ignores research indicating that individuals who are forcefully incarcerated in psychiatric institutions come out even more likely to attempt and possibly even complete suicide.

    Furthermore, it emphasizes the false claim that the mental health problem lies within the person, thereby exempting the system or the broader environment from any and all culpability.

     

    When I opened up to you, you didn’t say “I understand how you feel”, you said “not my problem”. And now I have to open up to countless strangers.

     

    And yes, I’m well aware that I’m not exactly a victim. I didn’t realize the kind of damage I was doing until it was far too late, and I’m now answering for it. All I’ve been doing, and all I can really do, is to grow from my own actions to better myself.

    Again, I am still holding myself accountable.

     

    It’s been amazing for my mental health and I've been making huge strides. I feel proud of my ability to overcome difficult shit so that I can rebuild for myself. I want that.

     

    Despite all this, a part of me still hopes that we take the time to really talk things out and finally clear up all misunderstandings because I just want the animosity and resentment to stop.

     

    More importantly though, I hope I’m completely wrong about you gaslighting me, isolating me from friends, weaponizing my own autism against me, and calling me subhuman just because I opened up to you about extremely personal topics.

     

    This is because as of now, it looks like you’re no better than that one shitty abusive dude we used to talk about.

    The one who calls his victims “mentally ill liars” before he proceeds to use Larry the Legal Eagle’s evil twin to intimidate them into silence.

    The one who is now suing a good friend of mine for defamation because she was finally able to publicly speak up about the shit she’s had to endure by his hands.

     

    I’ll let a few choice quotes from him speak for themselves when it comes to people he dislikes because I’m sure you’ll agree with what he has to say about that:

     

    “So they are either Bond-villain-evil or they are having some problems with depression, anxiety, trauma etc which make it difficult for them to interact with facts and evidence and good faith assumptions they [sic] way a responsible person would.

    If there’s a 3rd explanation, I’d love to hear it. Until then “Insane” seems both kinder and more plausible than “evil”.”

     

    “Since you admitted to trolling — openly — nothing you say matters ever. Not just *while trolling*, but forever. And not just on the internet, but in real life. Further: once you have decided that you will spend any part of your life trolling on the internet, you forfeit all rights as a human. If you should get hit by a car — no-one should help you. If you vote on anything — your vote should be thrown away.

    If you wanted to participate in a conversation, you’ve lost that right. You are a non-human now. You are over and canceled. No concern of yours can ever matter to any member of the human race ever again.”

     

    “Do you have proof?

    Would you sign a document under penalty of perjury that I am attempting to gaslight someone?

    If not: just apologize.”

     

    “FWIW I think the kindest explanation for anyone who participates in the recent online harassment campaign against me and my players is likely that they are mentally ill. This is based on [one thing]:

    1. Many of the harassers have explicitly and publicly said they themselves are mentally ill.”

     

    Keep in mind I said it looks like you were no better than that shitty abusive dude.
    I didn’t say that you’re just like him. There’s a difference.

     

     

    To make myself crystal clear:

     

    I am not here to antagonize you. I am not here to “go after you” or “knock you down a peg”. I’m not here to “get revenge” or anything like that. I don’t hate you. You are not a bad person.

     

    I am not here to get an apology from you because I know I’ve failed you as a friend and as a human being.

    In fact, I forgive you.

     

    Plus, you’re still not obligated to forgive me or even to accept my apology (and I still stand by it; the actual apology, not the half-assed non-apology from right after the falling-out that tried to rationalize my shitty past behavior).

    I know I won’t be forgiven easily, if at all. That’s not stopping me from making the journey.

     

    I’m here to show you the truth of everything that’s transpired since the falling out (or at least as much of it I can recall). To show you the same “brutal honesty” that you showed me not too long ago so that I can at least make one final attempt to fully make peace with the past.

     

    After all of this, I’ve grown up. As of now, I’m living my life for me and nothing can hinder that anymore. I’m done with spending my time wallowing in self-pity and I’m finished with the toxic coping mechanisms. I don’t want to spend the rest of my days living in fear and I don’t want to live my life trying to please toxic people as it’s nothing more than an exercise in futility.

    Case in point: my friends often point out that I get all agitated and stressed whenever I bring you up and mention the things you did, even when I don’t notice it myself (and they consider it to be uncharacteristic coming from me).
    That ends after this statement.

     

    After all of this, I am now setting my own hard boundaries and I am asserting myself for once in my life because I am not going to spend the rest of my days as a doormat.

     

    I am no longer required to explain myself to someone who’s just going to:
    -shun me with whataboutisms
    -make fun of my insecurities
    -reject evidence & reality
    -favor comfort over learning
    -prefer Facts & Logic over giving a shit about others

     

    Finally, I share all of this with you because I am officially Done with This Shit(tm).


    I am beyond tired. I am out of spoons.

     

    Because you’re Never Wrong about anything. Because according to you, being human is now the Worst Thing Ever(tm).

     

    Even when we were “good friends”, it seems like you’ve shown with your actions that you always held a very low opinion of me (and possibly people in general).
    I’m frankly not sure what to think of you from this point on.

     

    I never claimed my mental health/autism excused my behavior. It was a catalyst.

    It took the brakes off my emotions, but it was always me behind the wheel, so to speak. I claimed that I was trying to do the right thing back then (and I believed it), but it didn’t come from a rational place.

    I’m still not ok yet, but I have improved.

     

    I don't expect forgiveness, nor do I forgive myself. I can only try to be better.

     

    I hope you can follow my example.

     

    Please be better than I ever was. Be better than what happened here.


     

     

  2. An Open Letter to [A Friend Who I’ll Keep Anonymous (For Now)]

     

     

    Dear [Friend],

     

    This has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to write, if not the hardest. 

    It’s scary knowing that others will see this. It’s heartbreaking because I’ve spent so many months disassociating and compartmentalizing what exactly happened. 

     

    I’ve rewritten this dozens of times, and sometimes it’s hard for me to even put my thoughts in verbal form. 

    Writing this nearly brought me to tears and I’ve been unable to cry for a while now. I’ve honestly lost sleep for months. 

    There are things I could’ve elaborated more on, but I honestly don’t have the strength. I hope this will suffice.

     

    I’m write this to honestly and openly explain what I have been through and what exactly happened.

    I don’t really care about the legal repercussions or anything else that may ensue anymore. It’s too hard to not say something at this point because I can’t keep this up anymore. I hope my sharing this will prevent anything like this from ever happening again.

     

     

    "To err is human, but to persist is diabolical."

     

    This is something that I’ve seen quite a bit of, and it is the root of a lot of toxic behavior that I have seen, both firsthand and observing it thirdhand as it happens to others. Hell, even I’m completely guilty of this as well, as you’ve seen firsthand.

     

    Atychiphobia is the fear of being wrong, or being told that one is wrong. In some cases, it's even a fear that one's beliefs are not even facts, but rather opinions, even in some cases a perfectly valid one, but the irrational fear makes the holder desperate for it to be fact. But I digress.

     

    I was more than ready to move on, but recent revelations have forced me to speak up.

     

    Due to events outside of my control I’ve been put into a position that has left me with little to no options.

    I never wanted this to get to a place where I had to publicly address this.

    I know posting anything about you or this publicly will get me labeled “angry”, “crazy”, or a “liar”. I still need to speak up regardless.

    I'm at a point where I'm under so much emotional pressure that I do need to speak up for my own peace of mind.

     

    I’m doing this for me. It's necessary for my healing. I'm looking at a future where it seems like my famous “friend” will just continue parading her innocence no matter how absurd it is, and publicly gloat about how she loves everyone and hates me.

     

    It took months to confirm my suspicions over time before I was to post this, so here we are. That said, this all came primarily from casual observation and proof of the last conversations we had.

     

    Some time ago, someone whom I hadn’t seen in a long time sent me a screencap of a comment you made; they had confirmed you were indeed shit-talking me (and I didn’t ask where exactly they got the screencap from because it didn’t occur to me at the time).

     

    To say that I’m deeply hurt and upset by your comments and actions is a complete understatement.

    Unless I did something like send you inappropriate messages like sexual comments or entitled “Nice Guy” rants, they were completely uncalled for.

     

    I should mention that I’ve always held myself to certain standards (both as a result of past experiences and societal norms) and that informs how I should always interact with people.

     

    Next, I learned through firsthand experience and reflecting upon this situation (with professional help and guidance) that I have good reason to suspect you gaslighted me for at least a few months, if not longer. This was because I had evidently disagreed with you on a very private topic.

    You even went so far as to blame me for making you “feel like a bad person” just because I didn’t agree with everything you told me without question; you even got defensive and insisted on denial/deflection when I suggested otherwise.

    Here’s the thing: I know that friends are supposed to be “ride or die who stick up for each other”, but they’re also supposed to be able to agree to disagree. Because someone unable to do that is not a friend but a sycophant.

    If that isn’t the reason, I honestly don’t know what is.

     

    Going back to my initial remarks:

    It's okay to be wrong. It's okay to make mistakes. It's okay to be, you know, a fucking human being.

    But pride and hubris, as the quote says, that's diabolical. That's what makes one evil. That's what makes one toxic.

     

    To some extent, everyone is afraid of being wrong. That's perfectly normal. It's what one does about it that defines a person. Again I digress.

     

    While also looking back, I’ve come to notice out of hindsight that you were always fixated on people who have displeased you in some way and how you gloated about how karma will screw them over at some point if it hasn’t already.

    I have to ask: it really isn’t enough for living well to be the best revenge?

     

    I spent nearly a year in near-complete isolation, ostracized from your friend group because you made it clear to me I was not welcome around them just because I apparently stepped out of line for even a second.

     

    I’m more than sure that you’ve shared with them a version of events that omits the misunderstanding portion and portrays me as an aggressive and unreasonable person. As though I’m somehow some kind of sex pest, an obsessive stalker, or an “entitled fan”.

     

    It’s because this whole situation was predicated on poor communication and misunderstanding.

    It’s also because I’m not some creepy sadist looking for attention but someone who’s been hurt by your words and actions, and all of this has led me to believe that you’ve compartmentalized your feelings/memories to suppress your guilt.

     

    I’m no blameless saint and I know that I did many things wrong.

    If anything, the lack of communication was entirely my fault.

    I should have been clearer about a lot of things and there were things that I never should have said, period.

    I never should have panicked (seriously that one string of emails was the end result of a nervous breakdown). Whatever thoughts I had at that time were completely irrational and stemmed from then-unresolved trauma. 

    I am still holding myself accountable for my actions.

    I still am extremely sorry for everything I did to you.

    It’s one thing to share personal topics, but another thing entirely to dump emotional baggage. 2018 being an absolute shitshow was no excuse for me to do exactly that.

     

    I know that you’ve hurt me, but you still have good reason to be angry with me.

     

    I know there’s still so much I have to answer for, and I’m still on the path to self-improvement. I may not be there 100%, but I’m well on my way.

     

    However, I’ve come to discover that you’ve tried your damnedest to make me feel responsible for everything that went wrong in the friendship, insisting that the only person in the wrong was me, insisting that *only you* tried to make things work.

     

    You told me that you were just being “brutally honest”, but in reality, you were being an asshole.

     

    As a result of all this, you used my being on the autism spectrum as a weapon against me, to justify your actions so you could easily brand me a “creep” while keeping your conscience clear.

     

    When you told me that people with autism were “not normal” and “constantly needed help”, you were not being helpful as you claimed. You were being insulting. 

    Not just to me, but everyone I care about who’s on the spectrum, including my ex.

     

    You think it’s somehow reasonable and even necessary to show absolute mercilessness in the event there’s some kind of perceived slight against you.

    When this happens, it’s not enough for you to stop talking to that person or even to block them. 

    You also have to make sure that this person is completely isolated from whatever support network they can find, which usually includes just shit-talking them or just making sure that the person in question is completely kicked out of whatever support network they’re able to find. You still feel an obligation to do this *even* if the person in question just wanted to find some emotional support while they’re in the process of moving on.

     

    When you did something that hurt someone’s feelings, you would explain why you were right instead of apologizing. 

    You would double down and go out of your way to shame the other person and make them feel like shit. This makes people feel dirty and abused as a result.

    Even if someone is technically beaten in an argument, they feel so demeaned and diminished by the process that they’re unable to let it go.

     

    You would not survive the rules you impose on others.

     

    You were caught shit-talking someone you claimed was a good friend. And then you made sure they would never be able to have a lasting means to acquire emotional support even if they’re just trying to move on. Yes, they may have done you wrong but they’re trying what they can to learn from the experience so that they can better themselves. 

     

    After all, you said this yourself:

    “If you ever talk shit about me or anyone I care about, you are dead to me.”

    This absolutely fails to address that not only people can absolutely change for the better, people also could have been manipulated or gaslighted.

     

    I know you’ve had to deal with shitty ex-friends and abusive exes for literally years now, but that doesn’t give you an excuse to lash out at others. 

     

    Finally, you never let anything go.

     

    Even after some semblance of calm, you consistently and repeatedly introduce your enemies (both real and perceived) into your own posts and statements in a variety of both subtle and not-so-subtle ways.

     

    You poke, prod, provoke, and antagonize even when it’s not necessary.

    Even when your perceived enemies have long since moved on, and even when your real enemies are too busy digging their own holes for themselves.

     

    It’s possible you do this as a coping mechanism to deal with the way you’ve been abused and mistreated by people but it is still beyond the realm of trauma and it just becomes straight-up excessive.

     

    Even if someone steps away, refuses to mention you, and confines their future statements to be as emotionally distant and technical as possible:

    You will still bring them up ad-nauseam, months to years after the initial incident.

     

    You will not extend the same behavior to others that you demand for yourself. *Your* sniping is reasonable and justified and dedicated to reminding everyone just how *horrific* these liars and harassers are, you see. Because *their* sniping is harassment.

     

    In all of this, there has been a serious lack of empathy on your part.

     

    This all has to change.

     

    Betrayal trauma is a very real thing that can actually be diagnosed by an actual psychiatrist. I know because I was actually diagnosed with the real thing (among other things).

     

    It’s fucking horrible that things have gotten to this point and I really want things to be better between us, especially because I truly did consider you to be the closest thing I’ve ever had to a best friend, without any exaggeration. 

    I trusted you deeply.

     

    Every day I wake up numb with disbelief that any of this happened in the first place. It still seems unreal and unfathomable. 

    I feel numb all the time now, after being treated like my emotions and wellbeing were worthless for so long.

     

    The friend that I completely confided in, the one person who promised to be there when she could, threw me to the dogs to save her own reputation.

    I'm not even talking about you cutting off whatever support networks you can find after calling me a creep, I mean this whole "but everything is ok" situation. Unbelievable.

     

    You moaned and complained about how people will dogpile you over a single detail even if you said “I’m sorry”. You agonized about how “people from Miami” don’t get what it’s like to be a friend that sticks up for others no matter what. 

    You want more than anything to have “the right to be forgotten” here in the States. 

    But again, you will not extend the same courtesy to others that you demand for yourself. 

    Like it wasn't enough to dehumanize me by treating my pain and desperation like some kind of act designed to make you "feel guilty". 

     

    We were already building a work of collaborative fiction and a friendship that I had complete faith in. I trusted your promises. It all got ruined through constant lies, betrayal, and broken promises. All while telling me that none of it was happening and our friendship was failing because I'm just bad.

     

    I can't even tell you how many times I asked you to tell me the truth. 

    I could see that something was wrong but I desperately wanted to believe in your honesty. 

    But no, you just told me over and over, "there's nothing going on right now; you're just paranoid and it's hurting me".

     

    And yeah, I’m well aware that I’m not exactly a victim. I didn’t realize the kind of damage I was doing until it was far too late, and I’m now answering for it. All I’ve been doing, and all I can really do, is grow from my own actions to better myself. 

    Again, I am still holding myself accountable.

    It was amazing for my mental health and I've been making huge strides. I've felt proud of my ability to overcome difficult shit so that I can rebuild. I want that.

     

    In spite of all this, a part of me still hopes that we take the time to really talk things out and finally clear up all misunderstandings because I just want the animosity and resentment to stop.

     

    More importantly though, I hope I’m completely wrong about you gaslighting me, isolating me from friends, and weaponizing my own autism against me.

    This is because as of now, it looks like you’re no better than that one shitty abusive dude we used to talk about, the one who who is actually now suing a good friend of mine for defamation because she was finally able to publicly speak up about the shit she’s had to endure by his hands.

     

    I’ll let a few choice quotes from him speak for themselves when it comes to people he dislikes:

     

    “So they are either Bond-villain-evil or they are having some problems with depression, anxiety, trauma etc which make it difficult for them to interact with facts and evidence and good faith assumptions they [sic] way a responsible person would. 

    If there’s a 3rd explanation, I’d love to hear it. Until then “Insane” seems both kinder and more plausible than “evil”.”

     

    “Since you admitted to trolling — openly — nothing you say matters ever. Not just *while trolling*, but forever. And not just on the internet, but in real life. Further: once you have decided that you will spend any part of your life trolling on the internet, you forfeit all rights as a human. If you should get hit by a car — no-one should help you. If you vote on anything — your vote should be thrown away.

    If you wanted to participate in a conversation, you’ve lost that right. You are a non-human now. You are over and canceled. No concern of yours can ever matter to any member of the human race ever again.”

     

    “Do you have proof?

    Would you sign a document under penalty of perjury that I am attempting to gaslight someone?

    If not: just apologize.”

     

    “FWIW I think the kindest explanation for anyone who participates in the recent online harassment campaign against me and my players is likely that they are mentally ill. This is based on [one thing]:

    1. Many of the harassers have explicitly and publicly said they themselves are mentally ill.”

     

    (Ok, who am I kidding? I’m honestly no better than him either so who am I to judge?)

     

     

    To make myself crystal clear:

     

    I am not here to antagonize you. I am not here to “go after you” or “knock you down a peg”. I’m not here to “get revenge” or anything like that. I don’t hate you. You are not a bad person.

     

    I am not here to get an apology from you because I know I’ve failed you as a friend and as a human being.

     

    In fact, I forgive you.

     

    Plus, you’re still not obligated to forgive me or even to accept my apology (and I still stand by it; the actual apology, not the half-assed non-apology that tried to rationalize my shitty past behavior).

    I know I won’t be forgiven easily, if at all. That’s not stopping me from making the journey.

     

    I’m here to show you the truth of everything that’s transpired since the falling out (or at least as much of it I can recall). To show you the same “brutal honesty” that you showed me not too long ago so that I can at least make one final attempt to make peace with the past.

     

    Finally, I share all of this with you because I am officially Done With This Shit(tm).

     

    (And if you’re wondering why there seems to be conflicting things here, it’s because my feelings toward this situation have been nothing but confusing and I’ve done what I can to best communicate them.)

     

    I never claimed my mental health/autism excused my behavior. It was a catalyst. 

    It took the brakes off of my emotions but it was always me behind the wheel, so to speak. I claimed that I was trying to do the right thing back then (and I believed it), but it didn’t come from a rational place.

     

    I don't expect forgiveness, nor do I forgive myself. I can only try to be better.

     

    I hope you can follow my example.

     

    Please be better than I ever was. Be better than what happened here.

  3. So there’s kind of an announcement I have to make in order to make peace with myself and to make sure that I can be fully transparent with myself and everyone around me. 

    I am also doing this to completely hold myself accountable. 

    Finally, I send this out hoping that someone will be able to learn from my mistakes and my example because I know we could all use a little help as humans in improving ourselves.  

     

    I know that I like to keep it real a lot, but as a semi-public figure on the rise, I do what I can to generally stay away from heavy topics or anything super-personal in order to keep the general focus on where it should be (my body of work, not my dirty laundry). However, I’ve been in contact with several of my friends who know of what happened, and I feel that talking publicly about this is not only necessary, but would probably serve as encouragement for someone who may be struggling in life as of this moment.

     

    Some of my older following with a particularly sharp eye may notice that I’ve somewhat changed up my work so that I can focus entirely on cosplay as opposed to a mixture of cosplay and art. Cosplay has earned me more engagement so far, but there is another good reason behind this. Namely, those sharp-eyed fans may notice that much of my more recent artworks are gone now. 

     

    I will not be including names because I’m only here to explain what happened, and nothing else. 

    And just to clarify, I’m not here to make a martyr of myself because I am NOT looking for any kind of pity or sympathy. 

    I only wish to share a personal life event in hopes that others will be educated by it.  

     

    Several months ago, I had a falling out with a friend I became surprisingly close with months prior to that. 

    They had told me that I made them extremely uncomfortable, and that I should not reach out to them under any circumstances. They then cut me off from all their social media shortly afterwards. 

     

    It didn’t help that right after that, I tried to contact them to apologize. Looking back, I realized that it was not a particularly genuine apology as it tried to win them back over from a place of desperation and it tried to rationalize my actions, which I’ll explain later. 

     

    I spent the next few months in what could charitably be called a pity party. That was the time I removed those artworks because they were largely inspired by this person’s body of work. 

    Aside from other commitments I was busy with at the time, I admit that I spent my days either figuring out to win them back or just afraid that they might try to seek out some kind of retribution for what I did. I also spent those same days venting to friends on how this one friend has been in the wrong. 

    I know all of these things are contradictory and make no sense. I tell you this to show you the kind of disarray my mind was in for a good while. 

     

    All of this went on until I had an epiphany a short while ago. 

    In this epiphany, I came to realize that I was completely wrong about this person. What happened with them turned out to be entirely my fault.

     

    The TL;DR version is that over the course of a few months: 

    -I exposed them to unnecessary drama about people who didn’t matter

    -I constantly used them as an emotional crutch even when I should’ve gone to counseling

    -I didn’t give them space when they needed it

    -I constantly demanded their attention even when they were away working on other things

    -I jumped to horrific conclusions about their relationship

    -I used their past traumas as justifications for my shitty actions (inadvertently or not, it was still incredibly shitty on my part) 

    -I sided with people who had decided to shit-talk this person because those same people told me that they “meant well”

     

    I never realized I fucked up this hard until it was too late. They were never the “toxic friend”; I was. The worst part was that I was too blinded by self-pity to realize it until recently, as I previously mentioned. It’s taken me until now to fully voice this. 

    So I’ll start with what I know. 

     

    I do know that they were one of the very few people I’ve actually managed to connect with on both an emotional and an intellectual level. 

    I know they did what they could to be a good friend, despite the work they usually have to do as part of adulting. 

    I know that just being their friend was one of the best things that ever happened to me, and it was far more than I could ever ask for. 

     

    I also know that I hurt them deeply. 

    I know I’m the reason they’ve more or less shut themselves away from the world. 

    I know I’m the reason they’re now too scared to trust or confide in anyone ever again. 

    I know I did all this to them, and there’s no dancing around it. 

    I let them down as a friend and as a human being. I failed them. 

    At this point, I know that the only thing I didn’t do was send them any kind of inappropriate or outright abusive content. Keep in mind that this is only additional clarification, nothing more. 

     

    This is not me trying to shield myself from consequences. 

    This is me accepting the consequences and learning from them so that I have an idea on how to better myself. 

    I honestly don’t think I could ever live with myself if I ever became an abuser. I want more than anything to break the cycle of toxic behavior. 

     

    I went ahead and sent them a more genuine apology not too long after my epiphany. All I can do now is hope that it’s not too late for my apology. 

    They are not obligated to accept my apology. They do not owe me forgiveness. 

     

    That said, I know that I already miss this person dearly. 

    They were not only a good friend, this person was quite possibly the closest thing I ever had to a best friend. 

    I know that I’m going to dearly cherish the friendship I shared with them. No matter what, I still care about their feelings. 

    I also know that I’m now holding myself accountable regardless of their decision. 

     

    Shortly after the apology I received another epiphany, namely a realization as to why I’ve been temporarily unavailable to move forward right after I made the apology:

    I am currently struggling with the guilt that resulted from my actions, though it may not last forever. 

    Considering what exactly I did to this person and what they confided in me beforehand, I may be just as bad as one of their exes if not worse in their eyes. That, and seeking out professional help will be an invaluable part of working on bettering myself. 

    In other words, this public announcement was born out of a combination of guilt and my own desire to heal and move forward. 

     

    I am not bettering myself only for this person just so I can get back into their life or anything like that. 

    I am working to better myself in order to express my respect and compassion for my family and friends. 

    I also want to be able to live life on my own terms without being plagued by toxic behaviors and mindsets. 

     

    I am already getting professional help, and my mental state is greatly improving. At least I have a sense of dignity and decency again. I am deprogramming the toxic behaviors I internalized in the past. I feel supported by the company I have. I have learned to at least appreciate myself. I may not be there 100%, but I’m well on my way. 

     

    If you’ve stuck with me throughout this story, then I thank you deeply for taking the time to read this. 

    I hope you’ve learned from my example, and I hope you’re able to take away the lessons I’ve learned from my own experiences. 

    We all make mistakes from time to time, but isn’t that part of the grand human experience?

     

    I will impart you with this advice, as it will be helpful in every aspect of life:

    Take things in one day at a time. There will be some days that will be better or worse than others. Sometimes instead of having a good day, you may not have a choice other than to simply have a day. 

    That’s ok. As long as you have a new day to look forward to, things will be ok in the end. 

     

    I’ll leave you with a quote. 

    “If you’re struggling and you feel lost and hopeless, I want you to know- no matter how far you’ve fallen, it’s never too late to get back up.  No matter how long you’ve spent being being the wrong type of person, it’s never too late to become someone else.  You may have done disgusting and regrettable things, and those can never be erased, but you can drown them out with acts of beauty.

    No matter how long you’ve been making a mistake, it’s never too late to stop making it.  You are not the sum of your failures. You can be the person you want to be if you can find the willpower and determination. It is never, never, never too late.”

    1. bzzrak

      bzzrak

      Hey, your story is sad but I believe you should look at it from a positive angle, if that person made you improve as a person, then that person has had a great role in your life and ultimately you benefitted a lot from everything that transpired between you two. Now I doubt you'll be able to reestablish contact with them anytime soon, because you're still the old cringy you in their mind, and for that reason they might reject your advances. but when more time passes I'm certain your paths will somehow intertwine again and they'll be able to notice your new self. If that happens, then after a while they may also find out that such a drastic change in you for the better was incited by them, making them feel proud of you and themselves, and quite possibly forming a strong bond between you two. 

      My point is, even if you don't meet them ever again, that person has changed the course of your life and your perspective on it and you should be glad it all happened 

       

      All the best, love u

      (also don't bother responding if yousee this since I probably won't log on for another few months) 

  4. Update on my friend:

    Out of the blue, the friend in the toxic relationship had decided to simply declare me an ex-friend and block all forms of social media and contact. (The catalyst was me buying a signed print from her store as she used to be a model, and today I got a refund for that, along with her more recent actions.)

  5. So there may be a very good chance that a close friend of mine may be trapped in an abusive relationship. 

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Man of Doom

      Man of Doom

      Unfortunately, not at the moment; the only thing I can really do now is give her space.

       

      Just to confirm, would these be considered red flags?

       

      - My friend telling me that her fiancé would be significantly less than pleased if *any* guy (including a male friend) took her to an event or let a male friend stay at her place (context here is that I invited her to my graduation ceremony and asked if I could stay at her place that weekend because of a convention that was close to where she lives; I didn’t even mention any kind of romantic intent)

      - My friend telling me that if her fiancé found out we’ve been messaging each other as much as we had been in the past, then her fiancé would force her to have her block me from all forms of contact 

      - Her suddenly becoming *way* more willing to burn bridges with people, even people she’s called friends for years

      - Her outright disappearing from all social media and forms of contact (including her removing me from her Pokémon GO friends list for no apparent reason); she mentioned she’s a business owner who works into the wee hours of the night (she’s a night owl), but this disappearance is unusual even for her

       

      I should note that this has all been fairly recent behavior; over the past couple of months, actually. 

       

      She has mentioned that she’s incredibly introverted and antisocial, but at least when we were talking more, she would at least take the time to talk when she was available. 

       

      In fact, she was perfectly willing to give me her number in the past, but now it seems like she blocked my number for no apparent reason. 

       

      Additionally, I know about the “burning bridges” thing because when another friend of mine tried to reach out to this friend in question about the whole thing, the latter straight-up blocked the former. 

       

      Finally, her whole demeanor has become a lot more... subdued, to say the least. I remember when we were texting until the wee hours of the night, she would get very emotional and very passionate about various topics. Nowadays, her personality seems to have just deflated into a shadow of her former self. 

    3. KVELLER

      KVELLER

      Jesus, of course those are red flags! Sucks to hear that... I hope the situation improves eventually.

    4. Man of Doom

      Man of Doom

      Seriously, I was asking around on servers and forums to see if her relationship has become toxic. The overall consensus is already “yes, the relationship is toxic AF and she should nope the fuck out of there.”

  6. So I’m planning on upgrading Shin Doomguy further by adding severed Imp spikes to the armor (like on the shoulders, elbows, knees, and even the boots). 

     

    Yea or nay?

  7. So I discovered the hard way that the only way your Doomguy cosplay will ever get noticed or positive comments is if it’s an exact replica of the Praetor suit.
    Welp, time to go cry in the shower lol

  8. So how would this look as a "modern classic" variant of a DG cosplay? It already seems to be a more streamlined and modernized version of the classic Doomguy armor (and yes, that POLICE sign is sold separately) image.jpg

    image.jpg

    1. Voros

      Voros

      Good enough.

    2. Man of Doom

      Man of Doom

      Unfortunately, I just found out that the riot armor is only available for government officers (military, law enforcement, etc.)

       

      A private citizen such as myself can’t purchase this. 

  9. In light of the recent tragedy in Las Vegas, I will not be bringing my pistol prop with me to Animate Florida, out of respect for those injured/killed in the shooting. 

    Same for the super shotgun prop that I've been waiting on.

    1. fraggle

      fraggle

      Probably a good idea regardless of the shooting. 

  10. And now my depression is back. 

     

    Welp, it was fun while it lasted. 

    1. MrGlide

      MrGlide

      if you need to talk about it feel free.

    2. DOOMmarine918
    3. MrGlide

      MrGlide

      That doesnt help everyone, some people it can cause more problems than it solves. Also, based on where he is, weed could be a serious legal issue. The best thing is to identify why you're depressed, and handle it at it's source. I know a lot about depression, and if anyone needs help, or someone to talk to about it, feel free to contact me on here.

  11. I'm seriously considering just taking a semester off at the very least. 

     

    I have to get my mental health back up again, and for real this time, not just a temporary boost that already seems to be wearing off as of now. 

  12. https://imgur.com/a/nwo8G

     

    Found an Easter egg while playing that new game Ruiner. Am not disappointed. 

  13. So I was originally planning on posting this in the Doom 3 General forum, but I'm afraid that might cause an excess of shitposting, so I'll just put this here to get it off my chest:

     

    I can't help but feel that out of all of Doom3Guy's death screams/groans, only one of them sounds like he's actually dying. The rest sound like…

    …something else entirely. 

    1. Voros

      Voros

      illuminati confirmed

  14. So apparently, Heretic has a "wimpy" death, where if you're killed by an attack that does 10 points of damage or less, the player makes a death sound that sounds weak and pathetic. 

     

    Does anyone know what it sounds like?

    1. ETTiNGRiNDER

      ETTiNGRiNDER

      PLRWDTH in the IWAD.  It's sort of an groaning pain grunt.

  15. So I've had a bit of a realization regarding Marvel Comics characters and their FPS counterparts. 

    I have good reason to believe that BJ Blazkowicz is the equivalent of Captain America, and the Doomslayer is the equivalent of the Punisher. 

  16. So something I've been thinking about regarding my cosplay:

     

    A common critique that it gets is that the helmet looks rather big in comparison to my armor, and that a potential solution is to have bigger shoulder pads. Only question is, how should the shoulder pads be designed?

  17. So after a few weeks of battling potential depression, it appears that I am now back on my shit.

    Hell yes.

  18. First Irma, now we're facing Hurricane Maria. 

     

    y tho?

    1. TootsyBowl

      TootsyBowl

      Cos Florida.

       

      May chainsaw nun, bath salts zombie, and Florida Man protect you.

    2. Nevander

      Nevander

      When will this hurricane madness stop?

    3. TootsyBowl

      TootsyBowl

      When a new ice age starts.

  19. Late-night rant:

    I have a sneaking suspicion that my folks only want me to date and support a particular kind of girl, rather than any person I choose. Namely, they want the "modest yet soulful" girl who is considered "presentable and normal," not the type who is all tattooed or has had plastic surgery done.  In fact, I think they'd rather see me on a dating site than to continue talking to someone a few years older than me or someone who seems like they're compensating for daddy issues/low self-esteem/something, when it's clearly not the case for most examples. 

     

    I know there's truth in the "beautiful on the outside, ugly on the inside" argument, and it doesn't help my case that during my high school days I only chased cheerleader types. And yes, I have found that there are some people out there who really do need to seek professional help; bodily modified or not. 

    As a result, I've become far more careful with who I associate myself with. 

    But at the same time, some of the nicest, sweetest, and most well-spoken people I've interacted with so far are the ones who have radically changed their physical appearances. 

    No matter what I keep telling my parents nowadays, I am not interested in trying to find a girl to date.

    Right now, I'm more concerned with self-improvement and trying to achieve my goals. In other words, finding a girl is the LAST thing on my mind right now. 

     

    I know I'm just rambling on and on right now, but I've got to let this rant out, and it's 1 AM over here. 

    1. Neurosis

      Neurosis

      Well it ain't really up to them now is it? Parents always want what THEY want for you, not what YOU want for you. Believe me, I've two thick skulled parents who won't listen to reason when I know i'm right. Do I know everything? No, but I know what's best for ME. When it comes to that specific scenario, I found Robert Downey Jr's quote to be fitting: "Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever the fuck you were gonna do anyway."

    2. Man of Doom

      Man of Doom

      Heh, that's pretty much what I've been doing anyway, or at least, what I've been trying to do.

       

      I know I haven't always made the best decisions, but hey, a man's gotta have experience, right?

  20. So there's a friend of my cosplayer friend, and it seems like she may actually be having suicidal thoughts as of late (as in, these past few hours). 

     

    What do?

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Captain Ventris

      Captain Ventris

      Okay, so has she been explicitly telling people close to her that she's feeling suicidal (I.e. actively seeking help), or has she simply seemed to be entertaining the idea (suicidal ideation)?

       

      Basically the big mistake people make is to think the best course of action is to let someone know they can talk to you and then wait for them to bring it up. If someone is able/feels they are able to do that/feels that will actually help, they're likely already doing so and will more then likely be okay as a result.

       

      On the other hand, people that actually DO commit suicide are often people who see things as hopeless and futile. This is why so many suicides are surprising to people: the person was to suicidal to communicate it. THAT's why the people close to someone who may be suicidal need to take it upon themselves to approach, ask the person how they're feeling, and directly ask what they can do. Someone in an awful emotional state needs to see someone demonstrate care and concern of their own volition, and they need to be SHOWN that there is help and a possibility to recover.

    3. Man of Doom

      Man of Doom

      For the most part, it seems like she's entertaining the idea, namely by starting with posting vague Twitter updates about how "people are evil," then just disappearing from all social media altogether. Normally, I wouldn't really blame her, as I'm seriously considering just deleting my Facebook account.

       

      However, what really got me were the Twitter updates she had posted prior to dropping off the face of the earth.

       

      Only real issue is that I don't know her personally, but my friend does (he's also been taking a break from social media). As a result, I have no clue as to how to reach out to her. Maybe by trying to contact some of her friends, maybe?

    4. Captain Ventris

      Captain Ventris

      It's a rough position: if you don't know her closely it can be seen as pretty invasive to reach out to her friends about it. The things she was saying were public, so people around her and closer to her likely know about whatever the issue is. Now if she's talking about people being evil, that's exteenalizing whatever her feelings are. TYPICALLY actual suicidal thoughts are based on internalized thoughts, I.e. beliefs about yourself and your quality of life rather then an outward blame on others.

       

      If you and your friend are VERY close (enough to know with 200% certainty that a private conversation won't get around), you could ask them if they know anything/have any idea about what's going on, but it sounds like you're too far outside her personal circle to know enough/be close enough to her to be able to provide full on, legitimate support in this situation.

  21. Too long; will read anyway- 
    Prior to heading to the hotel, our next-door neighbor tells us that we were the only neighborhood in the subdivision without power, and this was because of a downed power line in a neighborhood adjacent to us, and one of the branches in our neighborhood had caught one of the power cables. At least it's nice to know how we ended up being the only ones without power so far. 


    As my family and I were heading off to the hotel, we get a voicemail from the manager of the hotel. It turns out that the hotel has no power either, and all reservations have since been cancelled. Anyway, we decide to use this time to go out to lunch, at a Vietnamese restaurant that's relatively new, and is already an excellent place to eat. Of course we all have some soup, and still no updates on the power outage. 


    Before we headed home, we decided to get gas for the car. Of course, gas stations after a hurricane are just as bad before a hurricane, so of course there's either no gas, or incredibly long lines. Not helping was this elderly gentleman who not only decided to get only 3 gallons for his car, he also decided to get out of the gas station in the worst imaginable way. So after a good while of *that*, my mom then keeps trying to check for updates on the power outage, but this time she can't seem to get an update. 

     

    As soon as we get home, the same next-door neighbor tells us that the power has just been restored 20 minutes before we got home.

     

     

    Too long; didn't read- Vietnamese soup fixes everything, from the common cold to friggin' power outages.

  22. So that was Hurricane Irma. 

    I'm happy to report that we're obviously still standing, and we actually got the least violent section of the storm in Florida, despite being in the worst quadrant of the storm (hell, all of Florida got hit with the worst quadrant). 
    That being said, this was NOT Hurricane Matthew. I'm taking a drive around with my family, and there is quite a bit of damage (as in, entire trees ripped off their stumps, bent traffic posts, intersection lights facing other ways, and lots of downed power lines). Plus, I'm typing this from my phone, as the power is still yet to come back on. 
    So if Matthew was a Cybermoose, then Irma was most definitely an Aranea Imperatrix in terms of both size and intensity (both from Doom 2016).

    1. 42PercentHealth

      42PercentHealth

      Glad to hear you're all right, man! I can't even imagine how scary it would be trying to live through potential disasters like that...

  23. Looks like my luck has finally run out with this hurricane. 

     

    See you all on the other side.

    1. Tango
    2. Clay

      Clay

      Hope you are okay man.

  24. So I found out that a Category 1 hurricane needs to have 74 MPH in sustained winds, not gusts (we're getting about 76 MPH max in gusts) 


    For me, it looks like a repeat of Hurricane Matthew from last year (which funnily enough, struck on my birthday) :P

    1. Man of Doom

      Man of Doom

      And in case you're wondering, the damage done to my area with Matthew was negligible at best (we only lost power for like 5 minutes, and we were asleep when it happened).

  25. Today's 8AM update: I'm most definitely out of the cone of death, but the major concern still standing is the wind, not the rain. For my area, we'll be expecting gusts of about 75 MPH or possibly less.

     

    However, the risk of tornadoes has increased, and there's already reports of outages to two counties south of where I live.

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