Single Status Update
I'm afraid of lashing out at my cosplayer friend, because his girlfriend tells me that he's been swamped with several other commissions, but I've still been waiting on my prop since March. Doesn't help that the first version of said prop was confiscated by US Customs.
I'm afraid of lashing out at my ex-best friend, because I feel that she made me feel like a more distrusting and less open person. She's the reason I can't bring myself to be a public speaker, as well as the reason I no longer feel proud to be on the autism spectrum.
I'm afraid of lashing out at my family, because I feel like they've been forcing me to bottle up my emotions and just be a stoic face. Meanwhile, I have to just suck it up and let them have their emotions flow.
I have to make an appointment with my therapist again.
FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.
hang in there mate
You dont want to lash out on people because theyre not doing what you want them to. You're much better off being nice and open to talk to as a means to get their willing cooperation. Nicholas Boothman divides attitudes into two categories; useful, and useless. A man misses his flight at an airport. Frustrated, he goes to the attendant flailing his arms around and shouts "I couldnt make my flight because the stupid security had to check my bags, the service at the newstand was too slow, and nobody announced the flight before it started boarding! This airport is the lousiest I've ever been to, and now I need to transfer to another flight!" In terms of influencing the attendant to understand and empathize with his position, this is considered a very useless attitude. If getting the best possible service is important to him, it would have been much more useful if he owned up to the mistakes, and asked the attendant calmly and politely for her assistance.
In the service industry, a lot more people are getting away with being rude in order to get what they want, but when you're dealing with friends and family, it's best to be open minded and considerate of the others feelings, even when they're affecting you negatively. You don't always know what kind of day they've had or how your actions in the past have influenced them to treat you the way they have. People tend to reciprocate the feelings you've made them feel. So if you can hold a useful attitude as often as you can, it will become difficult for people to treat you poorly and you will generally have more happy relationships with people.
Ok, so I feel slightly better today, as yesterday felt like a complete shitshow.
To offer some background, my mom was set to become part of a committee that would help kids with autism play tennis.
The president and founder is someone my family has known for a very long time, and the VP was someone who had just recently lost her son with autism, due to cancer earlier this year.
A couple of days ago, the VP was complaining about how much work had to be done in regards to flyers, and my mom offers to help by creating flyers in Spanish. For whatever reason, this caused the VP to have a complete nervous breakdown, going on some sort of tirade about how "everyone should speak English in America" and even ended up using racist slurs. It doesn't help that the area we live in has a significant Hispanic population. My mom and the VP ended up getting into a shouting match, and the former finally just decided to call it quits.
My mom just wants to talk to the president, our friend, about the whole situation. In fact, my mom is just considering quitting altogether.
Thanks to what happened, my mom no longer feels passionate about the job she was going to start really soon, just as I no longer felt passionate about public speaking.
That's right, this situation ended up bringing back memories of what happened with my ex-best friend, except I was the crazy one who ended up developing feelings for her. Unlike what happened recently, our argument just consisted of forced silence after a Facebook blocking (which I did as an attempt to stop myself from saying something to her i would regret), and the nervous breakdown I had came from a horrible college class I was failing, and the possibility of losing a scholarship (which did get permanently revoked).
Just like what happened recently with my mom and the VP, my ex and I were both coworkers for the same volunteer program the president was running.
Thanks to my ex-best friend, I've been forced back into my shell.
Thanks to this bigoted VP, my mom has also been forced back into her shell.
Hope this clarifies things somewhat.