Single Status Update
So today, I kind of had a breakdown over the whole Mick Gordon/Doom Eternal OST situation, but something tells me that I kind of saw it coming.
So I'm not going to mince words here; when I initially heard the news that Mick might not be coming back to score anything Doom-related, I was bummed like everyone else. But as more and more developments came out about what happened and more of my worst fears were confirmed without fail, it started to drag me to an extremely dark place for reasons I'm about to get to.
So I admit that I held on to hope that sometime soon that id and Mick would come to an understanding or that something would be worked out regarding the OST, but it doesn't seem like the case as all parties have pretty much moved on and the burnt bridges seem to have collapsed for good. And of course there was the announcement of Andrew Hulshult and David Levy collaboration on The Ancient Gods: Part 1 as well as Mick working on Atomic Heart which seems to confirm this.
And it was the former that just gave me quite the reality check on things, and it all came crashing in for me, like a train just slammed into me.
But none of these things are the reason why I just broke down like that. I mean, I was *this* close to just bursting in tears in public.
The reason why the Mick/id split has become so emotionally draining on a personal level is because it's the type of situation that's distressingly familiar... and it's something that just hit too close to home with a friendship I had in the past.
So almost a couple of years ago, I became friends with someone, and around the same time, a project I had been working on had started to take some kind of concrete form instead of just being a vague collection of ideas.
I became fast friends with them, and they were one of the few people I developed an intellectual bond with as well as an emotional bond. They know things about me that not even my family knows, and they did their best to support me (and of course, I did the same for them in return).
But then things got ugly.
I did ghoulish things to them. They did ghoulish things to me. The friendship just went down in flames over a year ago.
And even after the friendship, I still did a ton of shitty things that I still feel deeply ashamed of.
And I'm not sharing any more details because not only do I feel like there are parts of the story that aren't mine to tell, there are parts that aren't particularly relevant.
And as for the project, it's been stuck in hiatus despite my attempts to bring it out of there. I've long since realized that they had contributed so much to the project that I can't meaningfully call it mine anymore without also acknowledging that it became theirs as well.
And I'm gonna see if I can reach out to this friend one last time in the hopes that things can be salvaged or even repaired.
And yes, I did mention all of this to Mick in my email to him.
So how is my story relevant to what happened with the Doom Eternal OST? Well:
-both parties apparently wanting nothing to do with each other (they told me to never contact them again and me telling them that I'm not sure if I wanted anything to do with them anymore vs. Mick's "doubt I'll work with them again" comments and Marty's open letter on r/Doom)
-unfortunate circumstances leading to disastrous results (me going through a horrific chain of events that led to suicidal ideations vs. the Collector's Edition fiasco that forced a hard deadline on the OST)
-tons of poor communication (me and them both failing to make any concerns known before it was too late vs. lack of communication on the OST and what was expected)
-shit-talking after things had ended horrifically (my friend and I shit-talking each other to friends and strangers vs. Mick's comments on id and especially Chad, though I'm not sure if this was intentional)
And my breakdown is especially disappointing to me because I honestly thought that I moved on from what happened with my friend, but apparently it doesn't seem to be the case.
And now you know the story of why I ended up losing it today.