Lt.Blam

Back at it again in 2018, with the biggest pauldrons. Phone quality is the best btw.

Hey man, after an eternity of killing you get lonely.

Yo, woah bro, I do some sketchy stuff too.

Hmm... This one's tough. Probably realistic assault rifles, especially American rifles. They're just boring. Gimme an LMG that shoots .50 cal incindiary bullets and is as big as my leg or a beefy minigun any day over a fuckin' M16. "Realistic" COD style guns annoy me in general, have some imagination will ya!

Well, this is kind of embarassing, but I got my username from a simpsons episode I watched a reeeeeaaaaallllllllllly long time ago. It was the one where bart becomes a pop star, you know "nioj eht yvan", and there was character named Lt.Smash, and I thought the name was neat (I was in grade 3 iirc), but didn't want to just use it as-is so I came up with Lt.Blam ('cause explosions are better than blunt force trauma) , and it's just kinda stuck with me. I guess it was idea stockholm syndrome.

If you want a meat dish, I'm your man. Porkchops? Pan seared with a ton of onions and slathered in smokey, thick, gravy. Chicken? Shove it in a dutch oven with herbs, garlic, onions, potatoes, broth, and a brick of schmaltz. Steak? Cooked to perfection on the grill. All my recipes are simple and tasty, nothing too complicated here. Mostly lots of oil and S&P. I also make savory sauces. I can cook other stuff aside from meat but meat dishes are my passion. Anyways, long and short of it is, I like savory shit.

I always pronounce plague wrong. I say it with a soft A (pl-aa-g) instead of the proper hard a (pl-ay-g).

S - 6/7 : not exactly hyper athlete but enough to get the job done and go a bit further. P - 7 : very aware and with good reflexes. E - 9 : I EAT BULLETS FOR BREAKFAST! But in all seriousness I can push through pain and discomfort better than a lot of people. I'm the guy that says "that doesn't hurt, try me!" C - 8 : Does smooth criminal mean anything to you? I can get along with most everyone and have the gift of being able to make people laugh. I - 8.5/3 : I can say with confidence I'm definitely a good country mile above average here, just don't make me do too much math. However sometimes I'll do or say something really dumb. A - 5/6 : I'm pretty agile, definitely not the most but pretty good. Gets a bonus point in close range. L - 3 : I've never won any kind of raffle or namepick, rarely end up on good teams and usually end up in really bad work groups.

A red, terrifying, gold hoarding dragonborn. Red: Well this one is kind of obvious. I like the colour red, and being immune to fire and being able to breath it is pretty awesome. Being weak to the cold is a bit of a downer though, but there is no such thing as a free lunch! Terror: I find this'd be a plus. People wouldn't mess with you because just a glare would send 'em packing, and if you wanted to, you could fear people into subservience. Also everyone being really intimidated by you just appeals in a way. Gold hoarding: You're rich. Really, really rich. Need I say more? To quote Max Bialystock "flaunt it baby, flaunt it!". DragonBorn: You get the best of both worlds here. Being a human sized bipedal dragon is better than you might think. You can walk around human cities, hang around town, and do anything a human can do with some added draconian bonuses. Also, assuming the timeline, you can shoot guns (f**k yeah, guncaster style!). However you also have the power to turn into a regular dragon, so if things start to go south, dragon time! Oh yeah, also you can protect yourself from the cold by wearing clothing.

Personally I feel that the spawn comics have the best rendition of Hell, and personally my idea of it would be very similar. Hell would not be an outwardly evil place (i.e. no fire, brimstone, lava etc.) but a warped world, where nothing is truly as it seems, and filled with deceiving evil creatures out to kill, eat and enslave you. Hell would be filled with deception. Perhaps you find a doorway back to earth and you step through it. It would all seem so real, and perhaps you would be in this faux earth for a life time, and then it would all shatter before your eyes, and before you know it, you're back in hell. Hell and it's denizens would prey upon your weaknesses and fears. It would be true torment, always changing, always moving on to a new, raw, part of your psyche. When you would finally reach the point where hell could torment you no more, it would reset your mind, refreshed, but still with enough of your previous memies to realize where you were and how long you've been tortured. Hell, in my mind, is the moment after waking up from a euphoric and immersing dream, it's all so real, but then you wake back up, and you want to go back to your perfect paradise, but you'll never be able to go back. There is no escape from this cruel, cold realm, and the hope that there might be a way to escape makes the reality of it all the more painful. You have to be on top, to fall to the bottom. Another thing Hell would do is break you. Turn you cold and hardened. Shedding your previous values and reasoning would be the only escape, and through your shedding of values, hell would mold you into a demon. When you begin to actively seek out and try to destroy hell's machinations you would begin to turn into one of it's very own demons. An unfeeling, uncaring, rage fuelled being of violence and evil.