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Status Updates posted by Endless

  1. It has been a hard, difficult and somewhat irritating few days for me. From personal issues to the idealized destruction of what I believed in many concepts. I guess I could categorize it as ''part growing up'', or maybe not. Starting with the fact that personal issues have completely turned my life upside down, my motivation and desire to do anything has dropped drastically. You could say that I'm going through a stage of dysphoria, where nothing makes me feel good. At the same time that I lose the desire to make the slightest effort, I also feel a terrible sense of failure if I do nothing. The curse of productivity. I need to do something constantly in order to feel validated by myself, otherwise I see myself as mediocre and useless. This is not helped by the fact that half of my family also thinks that of me. Even though I try to do multiple creative projects, none of them make me any money, so by simple antonomasia, my family labels me as a failure. I guess breaking your back being a slave to your work is better for them. I guess that's what they want from me. Their intentions aren't bad, of course, but it's their execution of it and the lack of support they give me that makes me feel... broken.


    On the other hand, Doom has started to... annoying me. Maybe that's a strong word, maybe what I mean is that he's tired me out. I don't know, honestly. I remember that for a while, I was able to play it all day long, even playing multiple WADs per day without stopping. Now, if I'm lucky, I can play 5 maps in a row.

    Part of this is due to the multitude of projects I've been handling these days, but honestly, it's also due to a lack of personal support and my own insecurities attacking myself. The Wadazine, as great and fantastic as it is, is a very tiring project, especially when I have to do 50% of the written content due to lack of submissions. Luckily, I can always count on a team that takes the work off my shoulders and continues despite the difficulties. A recent member just took over the Endless Random /Idgames WAD Adventures and that gave me some hope. When once I was more than capable of handling a multitude of projects, writing multiple articles, reviews and playing the game with constant joy, now even the slightest effort tires, bores and irritates me. Why? I wish I could point exactly to a specific cause to remove it, but I think it is the final conglomeration of multiple things.


    To my recent burn-out I can also mention the huge storm of dramas and discussions that have drowned the community in this month. Probably the one that stands out the most is the BoA one, which ended up even affecting me. Personally, the political, sensitive, moral or ethical issues are not what really affect me, but it is the terrible aggressiveness, condescension and constant conflict between all sides of the community that has, well, disappointed me. Here and there, there seems to be only conflict. In part this is natural, as it is practically an unwritten law that wherever there is a community of people, there will be conflict, but even so I can't help but feel that they are mistreating something I once believed to be more pristine, free and cooperative. Is this proof of the burning passion of doomers to maintain a status quo and defend the integrity of a group, or is it proof of the deep divergence between multiple sides sharing the same hobby divided by ideological pressures? Perhaps it is both.


    But not everything is black and dark in the picture. I recently learned to use UDB, and thanks to the excellent guidance of an incredible tutor, I have managed to create my first map for the second WMC02 community project. I can say that I felt a little satisfaction at the idea of finishing it, but like water between my fingers, the satisfaction has escaped. Now I'm trying to make another map for the RAMP project, but I have to push myself to do it because otherwise, my mind only thinks ''stop, stop, stop''.


    Anyway. Maybe I give too much importance to emotions and I should concentrate on a more pragmatic aspect of my life, but even there there are mistakes. The future is approaching and it seems grey to me, like a distant thunderstorm about to throw a lightning bolt at me. Soon I will return to the university after a sabbatical year, to study law, the most exciting, moral, ethical and beautiful career you can practice in a third world country, full of freedom of expression, achievable dreams and equality for all. I dream of being a writer someday, but just like a lot of other drowned dreams around the world, I am geographically and socially paralyzed in order to fulfill them. Here dreams only serve to depress you.


    Coming full circle, I think this is why it hurts so much that Doom doesn't feel like it used to. It was, to put it simply, a nice escape. Sure, there are still plenty of positive stuff and activity going on, but where I once smelled the scent of satisfaction and the freshness of newness, now I just smell the same, and sometimes a little shit here and there. Now, it seems to be part of everyday life. Something I don't enjoy, everyday life.


    Welp. I'll just keep playing this game of life.

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. Teo Slayer

      Teo Slayer

      Don't listen to your family Endless, you're not a failure just because your projects don't make any money. You're special for us in the Doom Community

    3. Phobus


      Unfortunately I know this feeling all too well. It’s been most of the last 10 years or so, where Doom is concerned, for me. You’ve overstretched yourself and are now feeling burnout in a big way, and soon real life obligations will eat into your hobby time, so you’ll probably find those new limitations frustrating as well.


       It’s not all bad, though. You’ve achieved tons in such a short amount of time with so much hard work, and Doom isn’t going anywhere. You don’t owe the community anything, and you can dip in and out when the mood takes you. Once you’re used to it no longer dominating your life, you’ll probably find lots of little moments of the old joy.


      Don’t worry about venting, by the way. Doomworld has seen a lot of this sort of thing over the years, and people are usually pretty good about it. You’re liked here - however you deal with how you’re feeling, we’ll understand and you’ll get support.

    4. Soulless


      I really hope you overcome every obstacle.

      Love your work in the Wadazine, Its a piece of art for most of us.

      Stay strong!

  2. I miss Doom.

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Endless


      Yeah, it's been like 8 hours already.

    3. 1Destro3456


      Work or sleep?

    4. sluggard



  3. Tired of lying in the sunshine, staying home to watch the rain
    You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
    And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
    No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.

  4. No more Porcupine Tree? </3 :P

    1. Roofi


      Hi, I'm wondering what will be my next profile picture. :p


      Maybe another porcupine tree artwork.

    2. Endless


      May I recommend Deadwing awesome artwork ?


  5. 69 A4 pages and 61k words of pure Doom reviews. Obligatory noice.


  6. Deathmatch gone personal.

    No kings, no gods, only men.



  7. Mood:


    1. Reelvonic


      that looks like a weird kangaroo, rabbit, hare, genua pig hybrid

    2. Biodegradable


      This bun's real tired of everyone's shit.

  8. There's something going on at the Wadazine HQ... join to find out ;)



  9. Our issue #11 of the Doom Master Wadazine is out! Please, go and check it out, some reeaaaally good content this issue! :D



  10. The Wadazine Master Collection 01: The Rising, is finally OUT!! Please check this project out! 6 total maps of Doom 3-inspired glory!


  11. Sometimes, a memory does not exist, yet is felt.


  12. Soon. The Wadazine rises. WIP Cover by @Nikoxenos


    1. DuckReconMajor


      I saw this cover on the Discord yesterday I cannot get over how great it looks. Great job @Nikoxenos!

    2. ReaperAA


      Evilternity? Deliberate or spelling mistake?

    3. Endless


      Deliberate spelling mistake ;)

  13. Cunt.

    1. Gothic


      endless cunt

    2. Good-Old


      Glenzinho would be proud

  14. I have this strange thirst for starting new projects all the time. I'm probably addicted to the rush of feeling the excitement of creating something new, the very idea of starting a new venture. On the one hand it's a good trait that encourages production, but on the other hand it also prevents me from attentively covering all the projects I handle and it constantly tires me out. Is this a creative thirst? Dopamine addiction? Lack of focus? I don't know. Sometimes I hate it. Sometimes I like it. The dichotomy of my being. My curse. My blessing.


    Oh boy.

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. rd.


      Starting lots of things can be far better than the other extreme -- which is never doing anything because of procrastination, or because of unrealistic standards and expectations. The best way to get stuff done is often to begin and see where it goes from there. Maybe inertia carries you towards the finish line. Maybe you fail early and learn something. Either way, it is not a bad impulse.


      As it often is, a healthy balance is best. If you're taking on too much and feeling strained as a result, it might help to treat some of those projects as more informal and lighthearted. I had that in mind with my own random /idgames tour some years back, for example, and it's why I don't really advertise the DW Mini Club, which exists more for me to fill in some gaps in my play history. 

    3. Horus


      One could say you have an endless supply of new projects :P

    4. Endless


      It's not for nothing that my name is Endless. You have to live up to the obsession. ;)

  15. Goodbye Diablo cock burner, hello excited demon Izual.

  16. About to get those warning points raining. 3.0

    1. Biodegradable


      What did you do?!?!

    2. Endless


      I tempered the gods.

    3. SOSU


      Why temper the gods when you can pamper them ;)

  17. Been a time, old friend.


  18. Hey lovely doomers! Don't forget to check out our latest issue from the depths of hell the Wadazine! Issue #10 is out right now and pretty much on mint status with lots of special stuff on it, including one special announcement :D



    10 issues and we hope to bring even more in the future!


  19. Coming soon to your nearest Doomworld forums... the Doom Master Wadazine X !

    Some good stuff in this issue, including interviews with awesome Doom makers and some other special news regarding the future of the Wadazine. Stay tuned, tomorrow we see the light! ;)



  20. The new Tournament is ready!


  21. Honestly, one of the coolest MIDI songs out there.


  22. I've been getting a little burned up doing reviews lately. Particularly when it comes to reviewing/describing single maps. I quite enjoy doing a general review that covers the whole of WAD, but when it comes to doing it for each map, things get a little tiresome and I don't really think I'm very good at doing it that way. Any advice or words of support there? Haha. I might need some tips.



    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Gaia74


      Don't rush!, take it easy, and although it can be more difficult to write about one map, I recommend that you talk in depth like the things, maybe something like the use of textures, how he did it, or something else or your own experience of how you enjoyed the wad!


      Cheer up mate, I understand how stressful it can be to write something, I did it with some articles and my stories of my projects, so I understand how you feel, my best recommendation is that you take your time, think what you are going to do, and most important, enjoy what you do! n.n

    3. Horus


      I'm not surprised you're a bit burned out, you've been doing a lot of reviews these past few months! Maybe scale back the frequency of your reviews a bit.


      As for single maps, I presume you mean describing each individual map in a megawad rather than a standalone map? Because I think the key there is just to summarise the key points you want to get across without going into too much detail. I've seen some very long single-level DWMC review posts from time-to-time which usually leads to burnout if they try and replicate that for the whole megawad.


      I disagree that 'you're not good at doing things that way' though, for example I enjoyed reading through your Mayhem2020 map reviews in the DWMC...

    4. Endless


      Thanks a lot for the advice guys! @Nine Inch Heels Oh I have no problem with single-level WADs, is actually with megawads where I tend to feel a bit tired after reviewing over 32 maps. @Horus good point mate, and thanks for the kind words! I'll try to change my tiresome style to something more flexible and I'll keep going :D

  23. I'll follow you even if you're off of this world. Until the prophecy is fulfilled... I'll follow you.

  24. Check out the new competition, sponsored by the Doom Master Wadazine... The DWMaster Endurance Tournament! All Speed. All Persistence. All Endurance.