Single Status Update
I have lived with scores of lying bastards. The lies themselves showed up in a variety of hues and shades. Some small, some believable, some defying physics, geography and human anatomy and others that can only be described as legendary. I have also found despicable and shameful as well.
I love listening to people who are blatently lying and I love it more when they get caught out. I love it so much I have a top ten, these came from various people.
10. I own a Lamborghini (Flaw: numbers and colours of Lamborghini(s) change, without fail, on the hour.)
9. I'm telling you my own boarding house experience (Flaw: I had just told you those exact boarding house stories 10 minutes ago.)
8. I can play the clarinet (Flaw: you don't know what a reed is.)
7. I was once asked to play basketball professionally but I declined because I wanted to play soccer (Flaw: you can't play either.)
6. My friend threw me out of the window and I was in a coma for three days. (Flaw: what you mean you weren't shot? Oh you were by an arab, and not your friend? But you weren't in a coma... oh you were in a coma? For three weeks you say! Keep your story straight.)
5. I have top secret photographs of top secret helicopters. (Flaw: my RAF enthusiast friend just named them and told us the specs, when they were made and in which conflicts they were used.)
4. I ran from A to point B (an hours car ride away) in twenty minutes. (Flaw: You can't run a hundred meters without breaking into a walk.)
3. I crashed my dad's tank and the army replaced it the next day. (Flaw: I crashed my dad's tank and the army replaced it the next day.)
2. When my house in Kuwaite was bombed I ran back in to save an autographed football. (Flaw: The last time your area was bombed you were about seven, and living elsewhere.)
1. Here is the most disgusting sympathy grabbing action I have ever heard:
J - ME
S - LIES
T - 3rd PARTY
S: Ok, I've got two more weekends, the CMSR, a few weeks of dog handling and I'm getting deployed to Iraq!
J: You keep talking about it. So why do you want to go to Iraq so bad?
J: Why are you desperate to serve in Iraq?
S: Well you see, it's very personal, and I haven't told anybody before... my bestfriend went out, I said I'd see him there, but he never came back. (Says he solemnly, fair enough)
J: Hmmm, revenge...
J: Do you think you could ever fight alongside Iraqi soldiers? (Preparing for my Soldier can't Pick his Enemies speech)
S: Good question... no, I couldn't do it.
T1: (Joining us) What's this about?
S: I couldn't fight for Iraqis.
T1: Why not?
S: Because my bestfriend's brother went out to Iraq. He never came back.
T1: (Doubtful) Hmmm.
I don't know... maybe I misheard, perhaps it was the Cola making him hyper again... perhaps a conversation a fortnight later will clear this up.
S: Ok, once I pass this weekend, it's the CMSR, Dog handling trade traing and then Ireland!
J: What happened to Iraq.
S: Nah, I have to go to Ireland!
J: Er... how come?
S: Well my brother went to Northern Ireland... I said I'd meet him out there next year, but he never came back.
J: (At this point I'm disgusted, then...)
T2: What the fuck? No soldiers have died out there for years!
S: It was a while back. Mate.
T2: I was stationed out there last year. It was fucking boring.
S: ...long, long time ago, mate.
J: (At this point I was trying to hold in my laughter so badly I almost fell on my arse)
Hey so got any stories of a bullshitter exposed? Any extremely pointless lies that have blown up in peoples faces? Anything so dumb you just nod your head and try to keep poker faced?