Sephiroth

I feel it in my veins, burning like fire. In my mind it bashes my memory, speaks of nothing sane and shatters all thought and reason. glimmering fragments shine with promise but show the true intent of their nature. Reality, sanity and memmory are no longer whole and have been swallowed up by something dark and twisted. Her voice brings hope only to shatter what is human in us. Their voices echo with her's and with the screams and pounding within. I find the monster within me has a face and a name, i find it is not really just insaide me but all around. No matter where i look i see my darkest fears and greatest dreams, taunting and destroying. pushing and pulling me apart. All that is left is numbness in the void and a soft pounding in the mind. screaming somagotten somagotten somagotten
There is no reason to live but my purpose is clear knowlege of all life must be kept, both good and bad, sane and insane, just and injust I must understand....

The translated lines of the story of nata-sa-leshk, the silocrat spirit god of memmory and knowlege. This part is from his meeting with anaude-kess, spirit-goddess of chaos, death and sister to denaude-kess guardian of children, love, peace, sanity. this is his speech to anaude after he has been betrayed by those he thought where allies. he is decideing if it would be better to jump into the viod of souls, somagotten, to end his human life. however he then relizes his purpose to collect information about life, no matter what. he becomes the new apointed spirit-god.

this is an ironic story i can relate to. Where ever i look i see those things I hate, even what apears as an friends is really another twisted joke. however i asked my self, why am i still alive? it is my duty the speak of what i know and see. the story also says, be warned of those around u. nothing is as it seems, what my seem evil may be good trying to escape evil, what my be good may be a traitor waiting for a victim

well i need to update my operating system. originaly going to get suse9.1 however the dickheads dont seem to understand how to run a buisness on the shipping end of things. i placed an ored for suse 9.1 personaly over 3 weeks ago. they sent me back an email stating that they would send me an email when they sent it out, below it said expected shipping date is in 3 days (i ordered on a firday night) however the simple fact is that it still has not shipped, i told them they have 5 more business days to ship before i cancel. hell if it was on back order the least the could have done is told me so. i have repeatedly asked their support department if it was even released or was on back order, no reply. i aint even gonna try and call support sence i will just get some dumb ass indian, fucking outsourceing.

so here i am, i want to update but i think i will choose a new distro.

which distro is more up to date with its software. last time i downlaoded debian it had a new kernle but used kde 2.0.
which is more stable? i havent really found a distro that isnt.
which has better features? such as more stable CD/DVD burning, gaming and such

which is easy to update and configure? suse has been exelent in this department

also there is the major point of my graphics card.
ATI radeon 9600SE AGP

i know on any distro i am gonna have to screw with kernel crap, which is the most stable and easy to use for this card


ones i am considering
fedora project (basicly redhat)
mandrake linux - seems to work good for some friend's
debian - heard good things but i am not sure how much of it i would need to update.
any others or just wait for suse, or failing that bootleg

oh, did i mention that the FTP install of suse seems to be fairly broken? and from what i have heard many are having this issue

when it coems to bat shit crazy there are many comic stories. so here are a few of mine.

my mother - kind and careing yet off the rocker in a few ways. a so called born agian christian, she was once a drug addict. however she went overborded for awhile. claiming the dinosaurs and humans live together and that earth is a mere 5000 years old. she also claimed that a devil worshiper was trying to place a 'hex' on her and was giving her bad dreams. also scary movies send a 'evil spirti' though the TV into u. and lets not forget the evils of doom. ironicly she was a biology major with a very scientific family. lets not forget she got me into doo and was a big doom fan. most of this was due to alot that mid life shit and fundalmentalist christian writing and such, stuff that reminds me of nazi germany (hey and a few where written by neo-nazis) currently she has gotten somewhat back to normal

bat shit insane britney- a girl from high school. who seemed normal. She use to wash the table and was really friendly, too friendly. She soon said she was in love with me and would call constantly. 2 minutes after i signed up for aim for the first time she IM'd me, still not sure how she did that (i never told her i was useing aim or was gonna nor would she have known my screen name) she also claimed the devil was after her. from what i know of her history she suffered a 'drama' due to her back woods culture. she was to be married at age 17 but was dumped. went bat shit insane afterwards. violent delusions and such seemed to haunt her. also she tried to play the part of the 'dumb girl' despite the fact she was intelligent and capable. yes i could have scored but i didnt want a leech the rest of my life.

former best friend - this guy was good to be around until about my sophamore year in high school. Then he got into drugs and mainly pain pills. 4 years later and the guy has a brain similar to a 60 year olds after 3 strokes. uncontrolable aggrerssion, violent fantasies, extream paranioia and degraded personality describ him now. who said drugs where good? his last drug of chioce was ecstacy, which is what cause a large portion of his current brain damage. however he had done it all, even huffed paint. he is currently in the mental ward of a hospital, being used in a few experiments. there is no cure or treatment for that dumbass.

The kitten girl - use to live down the street and was really off. i mean everything was a kitten, includeing a squirrle or dog. she was not retarded, just nuts. I mean she even was petting roadkill on the corner one day, and she was 12 years old.

I know some one out there has to be able to top those

well i kbnew something was wrong yesturday when the house just would not cool down.

i noticed no air was even coming out of the vents, despite the fact that the AC was running. so i guess may dad cut a corner there too, cheap fuck.

I wonder which one of his cleints put the SOB in. its only 2 years old. however my dad never has any of the vents checked and cleaned.

this pisses me off because it is very hot now and i got all this computer equipment. the stuff in the basement is fine, for now. however everything upstairs had to be shut off. i may have to move everything down stairs.

I called a professional AC repair person and the company. They will come out and fix the AC unit for free, but i am having the ducts cleaned. I will charge it to my dad. hey is the fucker has $5000 to waste on fucking hookers he has the money to fix his god damn house.

that is a quote we are forced to say every day at our "team meetings"
i work at best buy and that quote refers to shrike, nothing to do with testicles, but involves loss of money in a store. these posters cover almost every wall and has a horrible looking image of a dog that is out of focus and looks like a newb photoshop project.
anyways our manager talks about nothing but shrike and thus hired a ton of new people to help this store, i was one of them. well to tell u the truth, the system sucks. the managers are about as dumb as a box of dildos that are missing batteries.

before i started working i pointed out a damaged laptop, well 2 months later its still there and broken.

I pointed out a deffective security device, on a $2000 projector. After the second time someone did fix that, not a manager though.

Phone system is far beyond FUBAR, ask for a manger or supervisor and u get a janitor or talking monkey of some sorts.

And a very big problem i discovered today. We offer and sell alot of computer stuff and i found that some of it cant even be used in this area. I am talking about cable modems. our advertisement is that set up instore account and get the modem too, go home and its done. well not so easy. infact only 1 of the 6 modems is usable. Time waner will only support their own modems, which are cheap. When i called up to register my mac address they told me this. my thought was "bullshit" never heard of that. so i called around. And even tried sneaky approaches.

so i had purchased a $80 cable modem that was useless in this area, and by that i mean 95% of southwest ohio. Bestbuy has no information about this and so i must tell home office, who doesn't listen to the average grunt, that they will loose a whole shitload of money on this. personaly this is why i hate economics in the US. i smell a backwoods deal that timewaner has made. they claim a BS FCC statment, however the modem i used was of higher quality, had signal filter and was compatible with the network.
so none of these modems will even work in this area, and i can wait to see all the returns we get.
Also what if u want to update to a better modem. you cant, you get stuck with a POS. though the modems get the job done they have there bad points, lack of signal filter is one.

personaly i will have to warn best buy, but i know nothing will happen and it will be one of those "i told you so" moments.

other things i have done

damaged VGA cable, no one replaced the thing, despite the fact i had told them twice about it. I tried to but they got mad and put the old one back on. 3 days later, due to the nasty short in the cable, it killed a $700 monitor.
i cant tell customers that "thats not a good idea" even though it would aviod a return. i cant recomend what i know will work best, only the most expensive.

so what should i do, tell them of their mistake or not tell them. truth is they will not listen. hell cant even get a message around the store with out something wrong.

but hey i did my job so i could give 3/16ths of a rats ass what they do. but due to the cost and disapiontment people will face i will tell them (dont buy that modem)

I wrote an old friend, who ironicly use to be my arch-rival in life, to see how they where doing. Well i didn't think anything would come of it. but turns out to be a pandora's box of wierd shit and spring snakes.
she then calls, nothing wrong with that. Except its 3:00 in the morning!!!! screaming about being in the hospital and such. this pissed my mom off cause i was not home and did i mention it was 3:00 in the morning. so I get bitched at when i get home in the morning, was at my dad's that night.
she then emails me and such, all emails seem normal but u know they are covering over something sinister, wierd and freaking twisted. she also tells me she is getting married, or is, i forget and dont really care. and gives me a name that sounds, well ah unreal or not right. so i am like WTF is going on and WTF did i just get my ass into.
anyways she talks to me online with alot of questions and typical funky text, oviously what she is saying is covering something dark up and points of it do show.
My guess is this poor girl is mentaly wacked out of her skull. similar to another girl i know. This one tells me of violent nigthmares and rape dreams. when she called me she probably had such a dream.
I was like, but didnt say it to her, "why the fuck dont you talk to ur boyfriend/husband about it???" which makes me think that this guy doent even exsist, but i dont think she is that nutso.

ahh the fun life of good old seph, WTF is my luck to get all the crazy ass bitches. Christ! It sucks! and i aint gonna try and get some from a crazy cause u know what they do next. they come after u with a knife or panzerfaust or something.

i installed the new version of suse linux. however the default settings were strangly very familiar. a screen shot
http://www.techimo.com/photo/showphoto.php?photo=5571&size=big&password=&sort=1&cat=all

a little too much XP'ish. hell i think even the shape of that hill is all too similar.
there is also an icon called "my computer"
while the task bar itselft isnt XP like, you can make it that way.
there are 2 more things I have noticed. when you shut down it 'greys out' like XP, only its fast instead of slow.
Also when it logs out it makes a similar sound that windows makes.

though i have changed everything, excpet the back ground cause i get a kick out of it and that sound effect. i wonder if this is suppose to be a joke. I wonder where i can get the original 'hill' XP back ground

on a side note has anyone ever tried to make a different GUI look like windowsXP?

at a local shop they had a system that was skined and colored like XP, includeing the back ground, but it was FreeBSD, or maybe OpenBSD, i forget which the guy said it was. useing KDE.

i remeber when MAC bitched about MS back in the day. i am just curious what good old bill would say about this one

of all the nasty genetic conditions to enharent i had to get this.
i dont know if it is acid reflux or something similar, as heart burn is not the issue.
what ever it is it sucks and is painful. it causes a sort of spasm in the esauphagus and make food swalling painful. it occurs when eating large amounts of food without drinking or dry food(like a large chunk of bread) anyway it triggeres a reflex telling the esauphagus to produce ungodly amounts of mucus,for a nice lube. however it produces so much it make things worse. it feels like swallowing a hard rock and having that hard rock get stuck.
it can last only a few seconds to as much as a few hours. Doctors say it is just a nucince right now as i am young, but i know i should keep an eye on it.

WTF, seems i did it agian.

2 nights ago i had a dream about a friend being in a coma. something happened involving a near deadly neck injury. something with a slash to the front and impact on the back. he in the dream however came out of it but had adverse side effects, includeing almost complete loss of his voice.
a woman, on purpose or accident is unclear, was the cause. i rember her face.

anyways i learned he was just in a neart fatal accident and is currently in a coma. i dont know the details of his injuries. he was dead but revived. i am gonna contact his family, however i will leave out the part about the dream.

ironicly this isnt the first time i have done this sort of thing. happenes to me quite alot, except it is mostly small little shit.

wierd aint it, or bad luck. personaly i dont really know what to think. fits to much to be just bad luck, but i dont believe in that "orcal" type shit either

isn't it wierd how people with a good life take it for granted? i have a friend who has a great girlfriend, a job and other things going for him. yet he still thinks its ok to go out every night and get piss drunk and high, and cheat on his girlfriend every chance he gets. Well that was the reason i am not friends with him. Strangly i have looked else where and found almost the same thing in everyone. I have tried others like me, born out side the country, black, asian, indian ect... younger and older.. different social background. I just seems that all the people here care about getting high, drunk or knocked up. Mind u i have never looked in a bar. u only find trash in a bar. I just love the human race. honestly i think the world... and universe would be better off if we just nuked our selfs

mmmmm, wall candy.

the other day i caught 2 kids eating paint chips at work. should be safe as there is no lead, but who knows what repalced the lead, maybe porn.

i had to laught my ass off cause i had never seen someone eat paint chips.

why is it people get grossed out by eating bugs. well honestly i do but i have reason. the point is why get grossed out by eating bugs in general and then go eat a lobster or crab? what the hell do you think a crab, lobster and shrimp are? a cow? they are 'bugs', note i didnt say insects. you call a bug anything that really has a crunchy outside and a gross liquide inside. on land it happens most of these are insects. in the sea it is crustaceans (sp?) they still have the shell and very nasty goey insides. what does a cockroach taste like? well the same as a lobster when cooked. yes i have tried both. i dont care for either and hate seafood.

so why is it people eat them more. well for one they dont see the animal in the wild. crabs, shrimp and lobsters are doing the same thing cockroaches are on land. eating junk. they all eat debris and dead things that fall to the bottom of the sea. i mean shrimps live in the mud. so i am not sure who in human history got the idea to eat one of these. they must have been trying to survive.

anyways it just one of those things that i find a bit funny about people. they say pigs are dirty, but infact are the cleanest and smartest of animals on a farm. not cows, those are dirty animals and stupid

i don't know why i am friends with this guy. even if i have known him sence he was a child. basicly he is one of those really arrogant people who thinks rules don't apply to him or family. He has always had a horrible anger and temper problem. this guy once pulled an unloaded shotgun on a kid for turning off the N64, and he is not a gamer! He punched me for turning off the heat in his car once. Once he about beat one of his cousins, a 5 year old, for accidentaly hiting him in the nuts.
now toss in wreckless drug addiction and more stupidity and you got your self a very dangerous person.
he states he would never hit a woman or family. however its far closer than he thinks. I have seen him get extreamly pissed at things that should not bother someone. He has the mentality of a wife beater or child beater. I have seen that too much in my life. so i know it rather well.
he says drugs never affected him, but i watched as he became more violent and uncontrolable. He once tried to fight a guy with a gun at a part infront of his girlfriend. he eventually got 3 DUI's, the 3rd nearing killing him. he was also 19 at the time.
luck was on his side, he is very much alive. and really got off with another slap on the wrist. if it were up to me he would never see a car for the rest of his life. His girl stayed with him, and i helped him. why i don't know, i should have left him for dead and she should have found another man. but i guess that is the human side of us, or we are just dumb.

He now says that he will never drink or do drugs agian. however i know from my life that he will most likly start up agian. After all he still keeps the same drug addict friends. he still fails to see that what he did is serious and gets pissed if the police question him. as i said he got off really easy, no fines or jail time. license is only suspended due to medical reasons.

An example of his mental state would be as fallows.
he doesn't like it when people smoke in his house, yet he does the dip. i would rather see him smoke. Atleast i don't have to see his cancer or that nasty vomit inducing spit. his poor girl-firend, she doesn't know.
he thinks blacks and other races are the cause of the world's issues. desptie the fact he use to hate such idea and the fact of his own family roots. the guy has japanese releatives.
he is one with that "i am always right attitude" i will prove him wrong to put him in his place or to stir up the hive. one time he claimed the college he was looking into was $15,000. i told him it would be more like $60,000. he was pissed and tried to say i didn't know what i was talking about. so i took him to my dad, who went to this college, who showed him the modern cost. he shut up about it.


if he contiunes this way he will fallow in his brother's foot steps and have 3 divorces by the time he is 30. i have talked to his soon to be wife about getting him into anger managment. However i don't think she takes me seriously. however if she doesn't heed my warning.... well we all know what will happen there. and this time i will not help.

now i remember why i didnt take the A+ test last year. good god they made finding out when and where more difficult than the test. well and i didnt have the money to take the test. however i have plenty of money now, so i am checking out the school agian. however cant find any of the information about the test.

maybe i should check thru work, but that is proving to be a bitch. they still havnt moved me so i am just gonna fucking take all the exams i have put off the last year. i really need to study up on linux, unix and networking.

well i have DSL and all that stuff. my dad uses AOL, and i live at his house. yesturday i updated his system to win2000 pro and redhat linux 9.
i also told him i would run network line upstairs so he can use the network.

however he bitches about me not installing AOL. I said "its pointless now, ill run the network up here." he replies about needing his fantasy football bullshit. so i connect him with my dialup.
i told him AOL is no longer needed, its $30 a month for a damn email. Also i am not going to get AOL broadband as it sucks ass, big time.

also i updated to win2000pro. he said "why did u do that. ask me next time" sorry, its my equipment. u payed for the case but thats it. Also u never take care of it. non of the normal system matinece programs are ever run. virus scan is never run or updated. spyware goes unremoved and he leavs the SOB on for a week at a time. its not a server and heats up bad after 48hours. shut it off at night, also they will go like 3 days without useing.
so if i am gonna be the one in charge of the systems they will be set up the way i want.

anyof u have similar issues with familyu members and computers. good thing i own my own, but still it gets annoying when they complain about it not working

My system involves an advanced CPU made entirely out of hotdogs and bull testicles hardwired to 10 car batteries. and let me tell you duct taping a radeon X800 to the mix only made it that much better! not only does doom look great but it smells rather doomish.

OK ok, yea we are gonna get bashed with posts about flaunting system specs or wanting to know minumum specs.

though i welcome new doomers i almost wish doomworld was deicated to classic doom.

i only hope newstuff is split, or dedicated to classic doom. doom3 and classic doom. i would not like the see classic doom knocked out by doom 3.

well it doesn't happen much, ok that's a god damn lie. someone gets rid of a perfectly good computer because its "slow". well no shit its gonna be slow when you have a shit load of spyware and 3 viruses on 128MB ram. also add in the fact they had just about everything you could think of running in the back ground.
the computer was made in 2001, so still kinda new.

its an HP vectra workstation. PIII 733Mhz, 128MB ram, 10GB hard drive (SCSI), 16X CD drive (SCSI). so removed the hard drive and replaced it with a 40GB IDE, updated the ram, and installed a fresh OS. runs exelent. so now i am gonna sell it. i love dumb people.

well how about winter cleaning. this involves my attic, my closet and under my bed.

most of this shit has not seen light for a decade or more. so here it goes.

my attic.
besides clothes and allergies.
1 box of new unused old school computer paper.
a box of coffe cans
an antenna i made when i was 5, cant remember if it was for a radio or TV.
1 old color TV, i mean old. has vacume tubes.
2 old radios, both have vacume tubes. 1 works
more coffe cans
a microphone? looks like it came off a CB or PA system. the end is cut off.
a japanese rifle wrapped in cloth, looks great. one of many WW II things out of here.
several german WW II helmets, 2 American helmets. A japanese and american bannette. and some sort of japanese knife, its big.
a nazi egal thing, egal on a swastika
panzerfuast tube, score!
random caseings, used
various gun parts in poor condition. i think some of these belong to an AK-47.
empty ammo cases, well filled with dust.
old records.
and a box filled with my dad's old porn stash. shit looks like its from the 70's.

now the closet
a box filled with 6 CB radios. Use to get these from an uncle and would use them to play soldier when i was a child. I dont know if they work
a old mac computer
over 10 walky-talkies, loved those as a kid. however would get bored and usally break them, i think i enjoyed breaking them.
a cell phone? looks newish, have no idea whoes it is.
pop cans, my brother is lazy.
some odd radio like thing. in a box and covered in plastic wrap. have NO idea what it is. i know its not mine. however the below item might make it fun.
one big old baseball bat, ok i found a few of its freinds too.
the long lost aquarium.

well most of this stuff is useless to me. some of it is worth money and some of it is trash. the only thing that got me excited was the WW II stuff. however i know both grandparents have way more in their homes. as for selling any of that stuff, no way. however if you need a old TV and a box of CB radios then give me a call, i even give you those walky-talkies for free.

what wierd, odd, disgusting, and just plain awesome things have you found while cleaning?

the computer show is in town this week. so that means lots of stuff i really dont need.
i have been trying to get more into MAC stuff, however newer stuff is so outragously priced. however older Power PC systems at the show where about $3.
1.2GB hard drive
32MB system RAM
PowerPC CPU, i think 60Mhz.
also snagged a couple of the tornado fans 80mm and 92mm, for $10 each. gonna sell thsoe to some friends.
something to mess with.
also there is an area wide LAN party, i think i may try that next time.

while doing a google image search for "dingo with baby" i came across many strange images. this one http://www.winisp.net/rosebaby/misc/ufo2.jpg
was both comical and disturbing. aliens need to lay off the ugly chicks.

anyways what strange images have come up under a normal image search.

i mean that has nothing to do with a dingo.???

though i normaly wouldn't post links to new grounds. its a trap for animie fan boys and the site is loaded with spyware and popups, includeing gator and others so beware windows users. however if you can brave the lame hentie adds, have a good spyware blocker/firewall and enjoy really fucked up movie, check this out
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/140266

not very work safe mind you, but good. check out the other 8 or so, i really like the D&D one

heh, just paid a fraction of what most pay for a cage. however i am sure i even paid a price, but it is a fraction of what it would cost at a pet shop.

i needed a large cage for a chameleon, you cant use glass cages for a number of reasons. one being their solitary and territorial nature, they get stressed seeing their reflection.
anyways the same cage, at say petsmart is about $90, however directly from the company is $30. i am sure construction cost is like $5-$7. it is a large screen cage, around 65 gallons, the liner for dirt cost about $10 and i got a 24 inch light for $15. with shipping it is $75-$80.

you save cash if you shop around. anyone who does want a chameleon should use this cage or other similar cage. also it is very easy to make one your self. these are TRUE chameleons, not the anoles often sold as chameleons. anoles are really in the iguana family.

here is a link and picture of the species that is going in this cage.
http://www.kingsnake.com/rockymountain/RMHPages/RMHveiled.htm
i do have other species, however it is a hybrid.

Jesus christ! What is so go damn expensive about the construction of a PC diagnostics card? I just started a new job doing tech work and a standard POST card would make the job go faster. I have one somewhare but it is an older ISA one. i would prefer to have a PCI one. anyways the prices on some of these is outragous. more than a mother board. now i can understand a basic one being around $50-$75, which is what i need. Most i have seen are well above that, like $300 and more!! unless these test every damn thing on the system i dont see why they would cost so much.

anyways if you know of any basic ones with a much smaller price tage, let me know.
what we need
Basic BIOS and board tests.
contacts for a volt meter.

well I tossed a firend's prized, burned, CD out the window at an annoying chipmunk. i don't have the balls to tell him. however its beside the point. the Cd was too badly damaged anyways and there was no way any data could be read off of it. someone spilled a chemical ontop of it that ate the data layer. so there was nothing, other that downloading it agian, that could be done. i told him when i got it that it was shot. ayways i am sure he will be pissed about it, but it was a no go from the start.

by the way it was a CD with a single long track, 70 minutes. this was some recording of a concert. i can't think of the guys name. it was a band he liked but wasn't a terrible loss. he really should take better care of his CD's

the name of the artist is Paul Oakenfold.

providing my theory about the security of wireless networks. i have just got access to work.

basicly just by bubmbling around with my settings and a program called net stumbler.

ok i am lying, well maybe not. this hotel offers networking and seems to already have the AP's installed( though they are useing the default settings and security according to net stumbler). only a few rooms have lan ports ready for use. this one has one but i left my cable at home.

glad i have internet here on vacation. in lovly jackson tennesse