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Naked Snake

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About Naked Snake

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    Why don't I have a custom title by now?!

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  1. D&D as in "drugs and debauchery".

    This is long, but basically the gist is : I went to PA to hang out with my friend I missed so much, partied, hung out with a 13 year old friend of mine and her goofy little friend, partied more, ruled this town I was at, went to a stupid mall and met a...heh, really cool chick.

    Note : I'm going to break up the the chick story into the intro of Day Three since I didn't sleep that night until midnight (technically Monday, to me it was still Sunday because whatever, it's Sunday night for all intents and purposes.) and it makes it easier for me.

    I got a new job last week, working in a factory, breaking my back and freezing my ass off. I sling chicken is what I say, because deal mostly with chicken, but we do other meat products too. 80 pound boxes, all day, freezers, tubs of ice, making boxes and lids to put stuff in and then putting said stuff in. The last day of the first week I was picked up from work by my brother (he's 18) and my cousin (19, my age) to go on a trip to PA after we get ready and stuff.

    After much messing around, we get all ready, head down there, make a pitstop to buy assloads of fireworks and get there at unGodly late. We head to my friend's house and it is literally empty but we were told to go in and call a number on their phone.

    Nobody answers, so the message is left when suddenly BOOM, Alex, our friend, little bro of the girl we were visiting, busts in and is like "Oh I thought you guys were someone else, I was gonna stomp ya'll." We find out we need to wait for some guy to get on his 4-wheeler and drive us down the streets of this town, which apparently is extremely common and people know eachother by their 4-wheelers. We get to this guy's house and see our friend, she's so excited and stuff and she introduces us to the host and a really kick-ass guy named Curt. We bullshit and smoke some and hang out by a firepit.

    Day One

    Curt was a really awesome host and cooked us some corn (KERN!!!) and some pork chops and was totally awesome the whole time. The night wound down and I slept on the floor of the dining room.

    Day Two (really long but it picks up)

    Woke up and went to breakfast, learned how fucking lame this place is with one-way streets and find this small-ass diner that looks like a porn shop on the outside because it's got no advertising that it's there other than an open sign and some ambigious name. Anyway, the waitress is hot and I hit on her, knowing it'll do me no good because I'm a customer and I don't have a PA accent so she knows I'm a tourist, just for kicks and we get this kick-ass breakfast. Finally, we go back to my friend's place and we wake our other friend, her little sister, and HER friend, some girl named Tonja. After annoying them for some fun, I go with everyone to a mall at this town named State College.

    The mall was small but damn, there was a sea of hotties, like, more than I have ever seen in one area in such abundance. Went to a few stores, went back to the house.

    Most of the day, I explored the area with Cass and Tonya (13 and 14) and basically smoked my weed in front of them, laughing because they both wanted a toke and couldn't get one, smoked my cigarettes in front of them and didn't give them any and basically alternated between picking on them, listening to the crazy shit they did (and had flashbacks of how I was at that age area) and bereting them about it. What a hypocrite I am. "Don't have sex until you're 18, damnit!" and she's like "shut up, you've *insert whatever it was she said I did here* and you were only 15."

    Oh yeah. "Look, what I isn't what will get YOU killed."

    Her friend tells me stuff I can't remember and I decide to be a dick to Cass and let her friend toke since I don't know this kid's mom, she seems a little skanky and says she already smokes pot so what the fuck ever. She takes a few hits and I berate them more and drop some wisdom on them, which they actually reflected on.

    After a while of talking, I'm like "look, I want to talk to women, the-"
    "but we'-"
    "WOMEN, not little girls. 18-25 (IRONY COMES INTO PLAY LATER), where they at? Line them up!"
    They start telling me names and ages, availibility and if they're stupid whores or not. This does nothing, as my orders to take me there or do something to get me around these girls just rolls out their ears. I was like "Fuck this shit, I snap my fingers and shit happens." It did, later that night, my wish would be granted in a oh so unique way.

    Anyway, we go to Curt's and we're all hanging out, a chick shows up and she's not very good looking so I don't care about her that way, she seemed cool though. My cousin moves in for the kill on her, go him. Cass, her little friend and an older guy who is 20 show up. We bullshit and I go inside the house cause it's cold outside, talk to a few people, give Cass my burned Rosenrot CD I brought for the trip because she said she likes Rammstein and I could just burn a new one. She leaves and I go outside. There's a new car and two chicks, talking to this friend of Curt's. He introduces me. Chick one is his wife and the second one is her friend Karen.

    Day Three

    I hit it off with Karen, sit down on a car bumper and eat a slice of pizza and she fell down because it was super dark and she was drunk, I helped her up and soon, she's on my lap, talking to me as I eat that pizza. I'm getting cold so we go down by the fire where everyone is and sit down at a vacant picnic table, she curls up on my lap and we start talking again.

    Everyone is giving me looks like "whoa dude, where'd she come from?" and "go you." She's kissing on my neck sometimes, I kiss on her a little as we talk, I rub her pretty good. As we talk, she says :
    "How old do you think I am, Andy?"
    "Like, 23, 24?"
    "35." Damn she's fine!
    "What? No way!"
    "Yeah, isn't that cool?"
    "Yeah, it is."

    We talk more and smooch some and she's like..."I bet you can't tell I've had two kids." as I'm rubbing her hip and stuff. No, I think as I look and feel her, I really can't.
    "No fucking way!" She tells me they are 14 and 15. For those a little slow, that means I'm a hefty 4 years older than her oldest daughter (both are girls).

    Rock the fuck on. I'm freezing and I'm like, let's go inside. We start walking up and she's holding onto me but she's a lot more sober than when she showed up so she's only holding me because I'm sexy or something. Somebody though, I think Curtis, goes "need any help?" She yells back an unexpected reply.
    "Yeah, got any condoms?" I burst out laughing, totally not expecting that one.

    We get inside and cuddle on the couch, I rub on her a little more sexually now that we're private and we talk. We make out and her friend busts in, telling her they have to leave. She's like "I gotta go, sorry, is there any way you can come with me or I can stay here or go with you?" There wasn't, her friend goes outside while Karen gets ready. I felt disappointed so I was like "hey, before you go, let me at least see your tits." Might as well, you know? She grins and shows them off, I get my taste and I get a bright idea.
    "We're going to the bathroom, tell your friend you had to take a long piss." She laughs and we go to the bathroom. Immediately we're on eachother and I'm like, dropping her pants. We'd already established no rubber, no sex so I felt like having some fun with her before she went. To put it bluntly, I fingered her and gave her some oral, kissed her a little and we went outside, I got a smoke off her and she left.

    Go me.

    I did it for the story, her being sexy was just a perk. *snap*

    Now, we go back to the house and we are gonna try to get some sleep, but we can't because Alex snores. I stay up all night with Cass and my bro until 8, then Cass wakes up Tonya or Tonja, whatever it is, and we walk the longest 15 minutes I've ever walked to a gas station to buy her cigarettes. I only did that because I needed smokes so bad, I was like "nigger, you're giving me like, a cigarette every time I want one."

    I scraped my pipe while Cass, Tonja and my bro played a card game and when I was done and they were done, me, Cass and Tonja ran off to a location we toked the previous day. I talked much more shit to them, told them some stories and sadly, had to recall the MILF story to them since they had overheard the gist anyway and were always talking about fucking anyway. Whatever :-/

    We chilled a little, I went back and pretty soon, we left back for NY.

    1. Show previous comments  9 more
    2. pritch


      aw man I thought this thread would have Dungeons and Dragons content

    3. AndrewB


      I want a refund.

    4. pritch


      Sorry, forum policy is no refund, especially on BBG threads.

      We will however give you a store credit for a Melfice thread as for some reason we can't shift our stock of those..