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Come back to us soon, Verdict. Miss seeing you around here.
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Thanks Bio, sorry for the late response.
This is the first time I've been on DW since my mother went into hospital. She passed away about a week later, despite doctors telling me everyday that today was the day. Stubborn to the end.
I was lucky enough to be one of the few who were able to see their loved one before they went (due to Covid rules), but to be honest I wish I hadn't seen it. It's soul crushing to see your mother suffering and be absolutely powerless to do anything about it.
Long story short: she beat the virus, but not the pneumonia. Her system was weakened from the 2 week battle with Covid. She had nothing left to fight off the severe pneumonia that came after. Add to that fact she was almost 80 (believe it or not today would have been her birthday) and I suppose she was lucky to even last that long.
Anyway, no one wants to listen to this kind of talk and who can blame them? It's not exactly uplifting. But you know how it is.
In any case, if nothing else the above can serve as an update to anyone who wondered what happened after my last update. Apologies for that 'cliff hanger' I have been a little zoned out lately.
I'm not sure it's wise to jump onto the forums just yet. I'm generally quite mentally robust as I've mentioned before, but I would be lying if I said the last 2 years haven't worn me down. Besides, I wouldn't be my usual self.
I was just popping on because for whatever reason my mothers birthday also reminded me that I hadn't been on DW for ages.... I'm as baffled as you are as to how or even why my brain linked that daisy-chain together, but there you go.
Actually I suppose it's easy: feeling blue> do this to cheer yourself up. Some people find that at the bottom of the glass or some other substance, so if we follow that thread then apparently my brain decided DW was that happy place...
Personally I think it was slacking and this was a low-effort attempt to bring me to a happy place if ever I saw one. I mean really? Doomworld was your answer to this? Just imagine a fist shaking at a naked brain and you'll see what image I have in my head right now. That was a pathetic attempt at subtlety brain, downright shameful.
Anyway, despite the early stages of insanity on display with this post I was originally just going to update my status, but then I saw your comment so this happened instead.
A perfect example of why I'm going to wait before I get back to the forums. Not that I ever came across as a mentally sound person to begin with, but you get the idea. It's for the best lest I misinterpret words/posts/actions in this state of mind. I have enough sense to know that much.
Not that I think I would, it may not seem like it sometimes but I'm quite a rational/grounded person. *stares vacantly at paragraphs above*.... whatever, that's not the point. Point is I highly doubt I would do that, but I would rather not tempt it. Good days and bad days, you know how it works.
In any case, where was I before that rude interruption? Ah yes! I'll try and get back on after the new year even if it's just once a week at first. It's not a good idea right now, I might seem my whimsical eccentric self but that's more akin to a defence mechanism at the moment.
I just noticed how ridiculous in size this has become. Another fine wall of incoherent rambling from yours truly. I suppose it's good to see some things haven't changed, but I better slap a 'no return address' label on this and be done with it.
Thanks again bio and forgive the late reply. You'll probably regret it when I do get back though, assuming you're not already regretting it and marking it on the calendar heh.
Sarcasm aside I do genuinely appreciate the sentiment/thought. Be lucky and hopefully I'll see you around on the forums after the new year.
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I'm sorry, Final Verdict. You seem to be handling it as well as one could, and I know text sympathy from people far away don't do much to ease the pain, but I felt such a mix of sadness with an undertone of amusement when reading your post - sad of course because of your loss.. but your writing style is just so self-reflective and amusing that you managed to make me laugh while reading this, all centering around an event so awful in your life. The way you presented this, complete with self-interruptions, just felt "sweet" for lack of a better word, all things considered.
I find the ability to turn your own pain into something that entertains others to be a great talent, so thank you. (Hell, why am I mentioning what made me smile - you're the one who has suffered and I'm just a random bystander reading a brief glimpse of your situation. I just think conversion of personal sadness into amusement for others is noble, in a sense..)
Anyway, I hope you're doing alright and taking care of yourself.
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Just an update for anyone that's curious: I know I said I would be back after a few weeks but I only managed 3 days before life decided to throw me yet another curveball.
My mother has been in hospital with Covid (Delta variant) for the last 2 weeks and she's barely hanging by a thread. She also has Covid-induced pneumonia in the lungs. She is currently in ICU on a ventilator and unconscious. She isn't able to breath by herself. She is also elderly so age is working against her, although she is healthy for her age.
Point being is that yesterday she took a turn for the worst and now her kidneys are struggling to cope. I have been told to prepare myself for the worst (multiple organ failure), but despite that I'm staying positive that she will recover.
If anyone knows me then they'll be well aware that the last 2 years have been rough for me. My father passed away, I had my left eye removed and now this. It was the last thing I needed and that's without getting into all the other crap running along side this, which is why I have barely been getting online.
Don't worry, I'm quite mentally robust and generally a positive person even in the worst of times, so I'll live. However, I am only human.
I'm well aware that none of us are infallible or inviolable, especially when we're under pressure.
For now though I need to be an anchor for my mother. I must give everything I have to her well being and safety. I couldn't live with myself if I gave anything less than that.
Suffice to say I won't be around for awhile. Except this time I'm not sure when I'll return to Doomworld. I can only say that I will indeed return at some point, but it may be weeks or even months. There's just too much going on at the moment and for the foreseeable future.
I'll say thanks in advance for any well wishers since I won't be online after I post this. With any luck I'll be back in a 2-3 weeks, but that might be wishful thinking. It's more likely to be 2-3 months.
Stay safe and have fun. Thanks for the laughs Doomworld.
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Alright, despite my best efforts I just don't have the time to get on doomworld everyday.
I'm not sure if anyone has noticed but I have been posting less and less over the last couple of weeks or so. Compared to before where I was quite active because I had more free time.
The reason for this is that life is a very chaotic at the moment and I simply don't have as much free time as I'd like. It's been effecting my mood and I haven't been anywhere near my usual upbeat self lately.
Hopefully it won't be for too long. I have to focus on this stuff as things are beginning to spiral out of control. Don't worry it's nothing I cannot fix, but I do need to tend to the garden so to speak.
I will return when I have dealt with these irritating and distracting life problems.
With any luck I'll be away for no more than a few weeks at best. Whenever things get back to normal, or at least some semblance of it.
Until then, have fun and keep your chin up.
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Well, that turned out better than expected. I honestly thought I would be gone for at least 6-8 weeks, but I'm back a lot sooner than I expected.
My posting might be a little sporadic for the next two weeks since I still have a few lose ends to tie up, but at least I have some free time now.
Other than that I'll be floating around on Doomworld.
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Welcome back man! It'll be good to have you around again :)
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Thanks Omni.
Give me a week or two and I should be a little more active around here. Well, at least I'll be posting more than once or twice a week :)
I'll see you around on the forums!