Come back to us soon, Verdict. Miss seeing you around here.
Thanks Bio, sorry for the late response.
This is the first time I've been on DW since my mother went into hospital. She passed away about a week later, despite doctors telling me everyday that today was the day. Stubborn to the end.
I was lucky enough to be one of the few who were able to see their loved one before they went (due to Covid rules), but to be honest I wish I hadn't seen it. It's soul crushing to see your mother suffering and be absolutely powerless to do anything about it.
Long story short: she beat the virus, but not the pneumonia. Her system was weakened from the 2 week battle with Covid. She had nothing left to fight off the severe pneumonia that came after. Add to that fact she was almost 80 (believe it or not today would have been her birthday) and I suppose she was lucky to even last that long.
Anyway, no one wants to listen to this kind of talk and who can blame them? It's not exactly uplifting. But you know how it is.
In any case, if nothing else the above can serve as an update to anyone who wondered what happened after my last update. Apologies for that 'cliff hanger' I have been a little zoned out lately.
I'm not sure it's wise to jump onto the forums just yet. I'm generally quite mentally robust as I've mentioned before, but I would be lying if I said the last 2 years haven't worn me down. Besides, I wouldn't be my usual self.
I was just popping on because for whatever reason my mothers birthday also reminded me that I hadn't been on DW for ages.... I'm as baffled as you are as to how or even why my brain linked that daisy-chain together, but there you go.
Actually I suppose it's easy: feeling blue> do this to cheer yourself up. Some people find that at the bottom of the glass or some other substance, so if we follow that thread then apparently my brain decided DW was that happy place...
Personally I think it was slacking and this was a low-effort attempt to bring me to a happy place if ever I saw one. I mean really? Doomworld was your answer to this? Just imagine a fist shaking at a naked brain and you'll see what image I have in my head right now. That was a pathetic attempt at subtlety brain, downright shameful.
Anyway, despite the early stages of insanity on display with this post I was originally just going to update my status, but then I saw your comment so this happened instead.
A perfect example of why I'm going to wait before I get back to the forums. Not that I ever came across as a mentally sound person to begin with, but you get the idea. It's for the best lest I misinterpret words/posts/actions in this state of mind. I have enough sense to know that much.
Not that I think I would, it may not seem like it sometimes but I'm quite a rational/grounded person. *stares vacantly at paragraphs above*.... whatever, that's not the point. Point is I highly doubt I would do that, but I would rather not tempt it. Good days and bad days, you know how it works.
In any case, where was I before that rude interruption? Ah yes! I'll try and get back on after the new year even if it's just once a week at first. It's not a good idea right now, I might seem my whimsical eccentric self but that's more akin to a defence mechanism at the moment.
I just noticed how ridiculous in size this has become. Another fine wall of incoherent rambling from yours truly. I suppose it's good to see some things haven't changed, but I better slap a 'no return address' label on this and be done with it.
Thanks again bio and forgive the late reply. You'll probably regret it when I do get back though, assuming you're not already regretting it and marking it on the calendar heh.
Sarcasm aside I do genuinely appreciate the sentiment/thought. Be lucky and hopefully I'll see you around on the forums after the new year.
I'm sorry, Final Verdict. You seem to be handling it as well as one could, and I know text sympathy from people far away don't do much to ease the pain, but I felt such a mix of sadness with an undertone of amusement when reading your post - sad of course because of your loss.. but your writing style is just so self-reflective and amusing that you managed to make me laugh while reading this, all centering around an event so awful in your life. The way you presented this, complete with self-interruptions, just felt "sweet" for lack of a better word, all things considered.
I find the ability to turn your own pain into something that entertains others to be a great talent, so thank you. (Hell, why am I mentioning what made me smile - you're the one who has suffered and I'm just a random bystander reading a brief glimpse of your situation. I just think conversion of personal sadness into amusement for others is noble, in a sense..)
Anyway, I hope you're doing alright and taking care of yourself.
Just an update for anyone that's curious: I know I said I would be back after a few weeks but I only managed 3 days before life decided to throw me yet another curveball.
My mother has been in hospital with Covid (Delta variant) for the last 2 weeks and she's barely hanging by a thread. She also has Covid-induced pneumonia in the lungs. She is currently in ICU on a ventilator and unconscious. She isn't able to breath by herself. She is also elderly so age is working against her, although she is healthy for her age.
Point being is that yesterday she took a turn for the worst and now her kidneys are struggling to cope. I have been told to prepare myself for the worst (multiple organ failure), but despite that I'm staying positive that she will recover.
If anyone knows me then they'll be well aware that the last 2 years have been rough for me. My father passed away, I had my left eye removed and now this. It was the last thing I needed and that's without getting into all the other crap running along side this, which is why I have barely been getting online.
Don't worry, I'm quite mentally robust and generally a positive person even in the worst of times, so I'll live. However, I am only human.
I'm well aware that none of us are infallible or inviolable, especially when we're under pressure.
For now though I need to be an anchor for my mother. I must give everything I have to her well being and safety. I couldn't live with myself if I gave anything less than that.
Suffice to say I won't be around for awhile. Except this time I'm not sure when I'll return to Doomworld. I can only say that I will indeed return at some point, but it may be weeks or even months. There's just too much going on at the moment and for the foreseeable future.
I'll say thanks in advance for any well wishers since I won't be online after I post this. With any luck I'll be back in a 2-3 weeks, but that might be wishful thinking. It's more likely to be 2-3 months.
Stay safe and have fun. Thanks for the laughs Doomworld.
Most of these are old games, with a few exceptions. Wizardry 8 C&C: Red Alert. Also played a lot of Dune and Dune II back in the day. Heretic. Hexen. Duke Nukem 3D. X-Com, both the original trilogy and XCOM 2. Heroes of Might & Magic III. Distant Worlds. Fallout 1 & 2. Total War: Medieval II. Total War: Warhammer II. Project Zomboid. There's quite a few others, but I don't want this to get too long. The vast majority of them are strategy/turn based or 4x space games. Some of the ones above I haven't played in awhile. This is mostly down to having little time to revisit them over the last few years. I've just about managed to make time for Doom this year. That should be changing soon and with any luck I'll have plenty of free time later in the year. I hope.
A return to Doomworld and an open thread for any questions regarding TNT Revilution development and whatever else
Final Verdict replied to Kyka's topic in Doom GeneralWell, shows you have integrity by coming forward but I wouldn't worry about it too much. We all do silly things we sometimes regret later, I'm no exception. Although in my case I often do it without realising. I'm a little absent-minded sometimes. Anyway I would have to be a drama queen to make an issue out of this, especially since I know the history/reason behind it. I have respect for the fact you laid it all out here when you could have continued the masquerade. There isn't many who would do that knowing full well the risks involved. Just look at it as removing a burden. You were always pleasant to me as Blocky so as far as I'm concerned no harm done, you're the same person to me as you were before. Not to pump your ego but if anything I probably have more respect for you now than before. Like I said there isn't many who would do this, all things considered. 100% agree on the 40k vid. Been out of the loop on that stuff for years, but that was a treat to watch. I think I got a little over-excited in that thread though but eh, we're all children at heart. Also yep, that mohawk imp is very memorable. I recognised it straight away even after 5 years and from only seeing it 2 or 3 times. I hope you keep it. In any case, take it easy Kyka. I'll see you around the forums and once again, welcome back!
Already lost my eye earlier in the year, I can tell you it isn't as bad as people think it is. After all, you do have a spare. What generally happens is your field of view takes a hit. Funny enough it actually depends on the bridge of your nose as to how much of it you'll lose. In my case I lost about 30-35% of my vision cone. The brain adapts surprisingly fast, it's already becoming hard for me to remember what it was like to see with both eyes and I only lost my left eye back in march. Oh and if you're curious: dreams are not effected by the loss of an eye. Then again, I suppose the same would hold true if you lost a limb so perhaps it's not that surprising. Losing both eyes and suffering blindness is another matter, I think that would scare anyone.
Wasps freak me out, they send me into a blind panic. Every time one gets into my room I flail around like a wet fairy and then beat a hasty retreat without even attempting to fight it. I've had one or two GF's who were less than impressed by me fleeing the room because of a single Wasp. Shame be damned, they can fight it if they want because I'm getting the hell out of there if I catch sight of one in the room. In other words don't ask me for backup on this matter, I'll be gone before the words even form in your mind. Only an empty space and a slight gust of air will remain where I once stood. Honestly, I think I have a phobia thanks to being almost stung to death as a boy. When I was 5 years old I foolishly stuck a hosepipe into a wasp nest. Everything was going well with my childlike experiment and I turned the water on. That should have been the end of it. If I had any sense I would have observed from a safe distance, unfortunately as a 5 year old boy I had no sense at all. Rubbing my hands together like an evil mastermind from a saturday morning cartoon I just had to investigate my handy work. That was the fatal error in my plan. Suffice to say they were not happy when they emerged. The entire nest attacked me and I was stung so many times that the doctor gave up counting. I was in hospital for almost a week. I'm fairly sure that's where the terror began. Either way, I'm in no hurry to confront this phobia lol. I'm half joking here. I really don't like them and I will leave the room post-haste if I see one, but only to find something to obliterate it with. You see over the years I have managed to convince myself that I will need to get back into that room at some point, so luckily the rational part of my brain takes over in order to make the area safe again. It's that or face the shame knowing that I'm a grown man who's been exiled from his bedroom by a single tiny insect. Come to think of it they are the only thing that I'm legitimately afraid of. I've actually been in several life threatening situations before and I never panicked or was even afraid (autopilot kicked in), but these tiny insects terrify me. Edit: high-five @leejacksonaudio. People are unaware of just how terrifying these little buggers truly are. Stay strong against this menace, I'm with you. Just so long as it doesn't require my physical presence around Wasps... but I'll be with you in spirit!
A return to Doomworld and an open thread for any questions regarding TNT Revilution development and whatever else
Final Verdict replied to Kyka's topic in Doom GeneralWait, you were Blocky all along? Well, I never saw that one coming. Especially since I have had a few chats with you. Thanks for showing me that 40k fan movie earlier in the month by the way, I really enjoyed it. I admit I'm going to miss that flashing skull key picture. Despite my join date I have been around a lot longer as a lurker so I remember your profile picture (and the name) from way back in 2016'ish. Kind of hard to forget that mohawk imp. In any case, welcome back Kyka.
I'm well aware. Someone I've known for a very long time is a paranoid schizophrenic and gaming is his primary release mechanism for it. He's mentioned on several occasions that it really helps him so I know it works. Another thing that helps him is being treated like a human being. A little understanding goes a long way. Either way, if it helps then game on I say.
For therapy: To stop the voices and paranoia from overwhelming me. It also serves as a way to release my violent tendencies and bottled up rage from my traumatic childhood. It's quite therapeutic. I'm kidding of course. Honestly, I have been playing Doom since 1994 but never really thought about it this way. It helps with stress I suppose? All I know is it's highly addictive and you enter at your own risk. I mean it's kept me entertained for almost 3 decades so it must be good for something.
Final Verdict replied to baja blast rd.'s topic in Doom GeneralThis is a great idea RD and will also serve as a handy reference for me. I haven't got around to playing many Wads this year as I've been getting side-tracked a lot by life. This thread will definitely help me catch up once I have more free time, although I did manage to get through Heartland and URE 2020. Aside from a replay of Requiem that's about all I have managed for 2021 so far. My backlog of maps/wads is getting ridiculous. There's never enough time.
Alright, despite my best efforts I just don't have the time to get on doomworld everyday.
I'm not sure if anyone has noticed but I have been posting less and less over the last couple of weeks or so. Compared to before where I was quite active because I had more free time.
The reason for this is that life is a very chaotic at the moment and I simply don't have as much free time as I'd like. It's been effecting my mood and I haven't been anywhere near my usual upbeat self lately.
Hopefully it won't be for too long. I have to focus on this stuff as things are beginning to spiral out of control. Don't worry it's nothing I cannot fix, but I do need to tend to the garden so to speak.
I will return when I have dealt with these irritating and distracting life problems.
With any luck I'll be away for no more than a few weeks at best. Whenever things get back to normal, or at least some semblance of it.
Until then, have fun and keep your chin up.
- Show previous comments 2 more
Well, that turned out better than expected. I honestly thought I would be gone for at least 6-8 weeks, but I'm back a lot sooner than I expected.
My posting might be a little sporadic for the next two weeks since I still have a few lose ends to tie up, but at least I have some free time now.
Other than that I'll be floating around on Doomworld.
Welcome back man! It'll be good to have you around again :)
Give me a week or two and I should be a little more active around here. Well, at least I'll be posting more than once or twice a week :)
I'll see you around on the forums!
Final Verdict replied to Chex Warrior's topic in Doom GeneralFor a moment there I thought this was a new version/sequel to the Doom RPG mod (often used in conjunction with RL Arsenal). I remember sinking a few hours into that about 10 years ago or something. Looks interesting, I have a few roguelikes in my steam library and I'm a fan of isometric games so I might check this out at some point. I'll probably wait for full release though, my steam backlog is almost as large as my Doom maps backlog folder.
Tech base, corrupted tech base and hell maps. I also like space stations, ruins, outdoors and a few others. It depends how they're done. Anything unusual or unique will generally make me happy and entice me to try it out. But the big one is probably atmosphere. @Omniarch already went into detail on that with in his excellent and well constructed post earlier. Since I largely agree with him on that section and would only echo what he already said I'll keep this short and leave it there. Suffice to say I'm a big fan of atmosphere.
And so we come full circle. After a wild and punishing excursion into the unknown, the great one has returned and all is well in the world. Let us erect a totem in his honour. Just winding you up @DOOMTIME and apparently @Doomtime2. Welcome back, both of you.