Single Status Update
It's a bit unusual for me to be doing something like this, but it's been floating around in the brain recently, and I guess getting it out wouldn't hurt. I suppose the blog section has seen weirder things before. :P
Anyway, recently I've been looking over some of my past posts, threads, and whatnot that I've been involved in over the past 8+ years I've been here at Doomworld. I still can't believe I've been here since November of 2003, when I was still in freaking middle school, and now I'm about to finish a degree in web development later this year. Time flies...but continuing on, I was just amused to observe my "evolution" that happened over the years, and how I acted back then and people's reactions to it. It's usually an embarrassing and sometimes even painful endeavor to look over past posts, and believe me, I'm no exception - I still can't believe some of the shit I did!
I started off here like a standard garden variety newbie, at the young age of 13. I didn't have much to offer, but helped when I could. I had been fully into Doom since 1999, but never participated in a community (besides GameFAQs), and it showed - I was pretty naive, and could get pretty annoying, but it seemed mostly harmless. I remember working on the SNES Doom mod with Job and Darkhaven (Fisk) - it's how I first met Fisk and gained a valuable friendship I'll always cherish. For the most part, all my activity was fairly tame. It wasn't until 2004 that things got really ugly...yes, what could be my so-called "claim to fame" on this board - the infamous summer of 2004 in which everything changed...
My attitude worsened, and I became more irritable and defensive for no particular reason, and it was amplified by a ban I received on Doom Connector, something I was really getting into for the first time ever and making a lot of friends in. They had every right to ban me for the way I was acting, and I'm surprised the fallout that spread to Doomworld didn't get me banned on the boards! Just look at my Post Hell threads from that era, and even some random posts in this very forum about it - it was nightmarish! It's never easy to read some of the things I said during that time, since some of it is so incredibly stupid that I can't believe it came from my fingers. One could say I was a pariah of Doomworld - it wouldn't be too far from the truth, honestly. I remember Bloodshedder telling me to just GTFO for a week or else he'd have to ban me. I'm glad he did, since I really did need that week to really realize what the hell was going on and calm down, but in the end it was pretty much pointless because after it had passed, I was back to my old antics, though a little more subdued, due to my newfound awareness of the stupidity taking place.
This continued until my first Losering in the fall of 2004. I was actually kind of shocked to see that I had finally crossed the line, and I thought it was pretty much the end of the line for me. I tried to evade the Losering like an idiot but that didn't work, so I pretty much packed my bags and moved full-time to Zdoom, which I was concurrently posting at during all of this (and had been since 2003). They didn't really want my shit either, and it was then that I truly realized what I had left in my wake and finally began to set myself straight. Once I got unLosered here, my behavior began to improve slowly, with much more isolated incidents that were rectified with ease.
Since about early 2005, things continued to get better. My behavior was acceptable, and I was still trying my best to help others when I could and contribute when I wanted to, and it's pretty much been that way ever since. I still recall a few times I got a good licking from superiors here and there, but I didn't take it nearly as seriously as I did in that horrible summer of 2004. I'm guessing because of puberty and whatnot, I was prone to overreacting quite a damn bit during that time and everything had to be some kind of personal stab that I felt the need to become extremely defensive about, and I really shouldn't have, but hey, it's over now.
Here we are in 2012, with me at 21. It's kinda crazy to think that I'm still hanging out here, along with others who I've known on this board since my registration all that time ago. I still see Doomworld as a "home" of sorts - it was the one of the first forums and communities I was ever a part of. My posting has become very sparse, and I hope to improve on that a bit, but I still lurk the boards quite a bit, and I see the life and times of Doomworld come and go like anyone else. It amuses me to think about the fact that a lot of people who a regulars these days weren't around for the infamous summer of 2004 - definitely for the better! (:P) New faces are always appreciated in this community - Doom is what we're here for after all, right? More people into Doom = GOOD!
Whew! That was a pretty random analysis, huh? I just wanted to make a reflection post and look back on how things have changed over the years, most importantly myself. It's certainly been a weird journey, but we all change over time. I'll stick around Doomworld and other Doom-related boards for time to come - Doom is a passion that burns strong with me and always will, I think...it's something I'm pretty proud of, and I'm hoping to see the next steps in the creation of some fantastic wads, just as I experienced before, as far back as 2003. It's been fun; it really has, even with all the ups and downs I've seen in my life, and I hope to see it continue. It's been a heck of a ride here...thanks everyone, for making it what it was. I appreciate it more than you know.
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Dang, that sucks. They probably did go pretty easy on me, but it certainly didn't feel like it at the time - I remember getting ban and Loser threats for what I found to be pretty petty things, but looking back, they certainly weren't wrong to do it - the line had to be drawn somewhere, and I had to learn from my mistakes.
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