Mike was born into a life of suckness. As a baby he was cast out from the Watson clan due to being the only baby with a moustache. He was taken in by a cruel dominatrix who made him sweep chimneys in exchange for cheese.
As Mike grew older, he realised he was destined to suck. As a child, he became addicted to drugs and lost a lung in an unfortunate masturbation-related accident.
Mike's teenage years were filled with strife and pain. He discovered he was useless at everything and was hounded by cries of "Cyb sucks" at school at the Antarctican School of Sucking. It became clear to Mike that something had to be done.
As a young man, Mike blossomed. No longer content with sucking in normal, everyday ways, he strived to suck in even more outrageous and fancy fashions. He soon became the world's biggest sucker, and actually won a medal for sucking so much. Unfortunately for Mike, the medal was handed to a 5-year-old disabled girl when people realised just how much Mike sucked.
At the age of 24, Mike undertook a drastic sex change operation in a vain attempt to suck more. Michelle (as he was now known) began to work as a prostitute for elite members of a secret cult known as Doomworld. Michelle was kicked out of Doomworld for sucking so much.
Soon Michelle grew old, and decided to have a reverse operation. However, nothing could hide the ugly visage that is Mike Watson. Mike spent his last days teaching children around the world how to suck like he had in his less prosporous years. Mike died at the age of 32, after he was mistaken for Macvilewhore.
The moral of this dreary tale is: Cyb sucks.