Single Status Update
My coworker is spilling Zippo fluid on his desk and lighting it on fire. If you never hear from me again, it'll be because I've gone to jail for beating the everloving shit out of him for doing something more idiotic than this.
EDIT: Now he just turned on Limp Bizkit's "Nookie" at full blast. Does that count?
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Try to cover his work surface, the floor around his work area and if you can do it stealthily, his trousers with petrol or some colourless fuel. Then fill the nearest fire extinguisher with petrol.
Your problems may be solved by this act of maiming or killing, plus the comical value will be through the roof. Tape it for me, 'k?