Single Status Update
So I'm sitting here trying to ape the "steel and liquid" motif of popular websites nowadays, having a cigarette, and wondering if my phone is ever going to ring.
Two days ago, an old friend who is no longer a business partner called me up with some news. Besides the old bullshit about sales opportunities-- the kind of which got him waning respect and a pink slip in the first place-- he gave me the usual girly gossip about how my most recent ex is doing. This is the girl whose virginity I took and who thought would marry me, given the chance; this is the girl with such high moral standings that I couldn't even live up to; this is the girl whom I left because of her fear that I'd be unfaithful. Within the past year of not answering my bi-monthly phone calls she has managed to:
- Hook up with a middle-aged junkie
- Live in a rundown rowhome three blocks away from the ghetto with said junkie
- Go see her old friends looking "strung out all the time"
- Manage to get pregnant with uncertainty of who the father is
How does this happen in a year? I can't help but feel (not personally responsible, but at least) part of the reason why this happened. She was one of the world's most dedicated potheads, but she insisted that she was incorruptibly against hard drug use. From what her old friends have noticed, that went out the window. She also gave the distinct impression, when I knew her, that she wouldn't be the type to sleep around no matter how terrible of a boyfriend she had-- that apparently is also out the window.
I have a nagging sense that being without me caused all this. It would make sense that she buried herself in her work to forget the whole thing. I can see her pulling 100-hour weeks just to occupy her time. Eventually, pot just wouldn't be enough to take the edge off at the end of the day, nevermind being enough to get her up in the morning. The rest of the story is a natural progression: her slipping morals, her lapse in judgement(or maybe she couldn't afford birth control anymore), and so on.
I have full confidence that this will come as a revelation to her, and she'll clean up her act. It's a shame that it came at the cost of her ultimate goals, though-- imagine trying to own a restaurant/bar/club/diner/whatever when you have a mouth to feed.
So-- naturally, I called her the day I found out. I got worked up over what to say just to end up getting her voicemail. Half an hour later, I left a second message to the effect of "you're probably going to disregard that last message for whatever reason, but you're going to have to make an exception this time". We'll see if she bites. If not, I can only assume that she's ashamed of what she's allowed to happen-- and that's disconcerting.
Funny thing is, I've begun talking to another ex who happens to have had a kid in the time we haven't spoken. Maybe I'm just falling behind. If I don't act soon, there won't be any women left to start a family with; I'll have to shop around for an in-progress model.