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Bucket

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  1. A dialogue:


    SHE: Excuse me sir. Excuse me sir. Excuse me sir.
    ME: (whilst screaming "GODDAMNIT" repeatedly in my head) Why, hello again, miss! What can I help you with?
    SHE: I'm looking for a Band-Aid.
    ME: Of course. They're right here, next to the heating pads. (in front of your face.)
    SHE: Well, I don't know what kind to buy.
    ME: ...
    SHE: See, I cut myself at work.
    ME: I'm sorry to hear that. Do you need something larger than normal?
    SHE: Well, I cut myself on my hand (proceeds to unwrap a mess of tape and napkin to reveal an oozing gash)
    ME: Ah, I see.
    SHE: See? I cut myself here. (shoves oozing gash in my face)
    ME: Yes. Yes indeed. Thank you.
    SHE: I cut myself at work. I work at Pizza Hut. In the kitchen. I cut myself in the kitchen.
    ME: (auditing my memory for recent visits to Pizza Hut) Well, you don't really need a big bandage, but you might want this one so you can protect against infection. Here you go.

    And this is where the conversation would end for a normal person.

    SHE: Is that cloth?
    ME: Pardon me?
    SHE: I don't want a cloth Band-Aid.
    ME: It's...
    SHE: I want a different one. Whatever isn't cloth.
    ME: These are...
    SHE: Why is this box blue?
    ME: ...I...
    SHE: And this box is red?
    ME: I don't understand the question.
    SHE: The boxes are different colors.
    ME: ... ... ... Yes, they are. They're, uh, different... kinds. Of bandages. (snickering coworkers in my peripheral vision)
    SHE: So this is one kind? And this is another kind?
    ME: Different kinds, yes.
    SHE: This one is green.
    ME: Yes, yet another kind of... bandage...
    SHE: There's three different kinds. How do they come up with the colors?
    ME: Guh.
    SHE: Cause there's three different colors.
    ME: There must be a system of colors... where they, uh, decide which box should have which color. (hoping for a nuclear explosion about now)
    SHE: ...
    ME: Miss?
    SHE: ...
    ME: (I think I broke her)
    SHE: (Deeply contemplatve) So they decide, and there's a reason? Do you know how they decide? For the colors?
    ME: Well. I suppose they colored this one green because there's aloe in it.
    SHE: What's that? I don't think I want it.
    ME: Aloe is... green. Er, it comes from... it's a plant. It has...
    SHE: This doesn't make any sense.
    ME: ...special healing... powers...
    SHE: Is that like plastic?
    ME: No. Aloe and plastic are not alike.
    SHE: This bandage is for knees.
    ME: Huh?
    SHE: Is this one for knees? Because there's a knee on it.
    ME: That's just a picture. You know, of the product... in action...?
    SHE: So it's for knees. This one is for fingers, cause there's a finger on it.
    ME: No. No, Miss-- they're just pictures. You can put the bandages anywhere.
    SHE: But why do they have different pictures?
    ME: I'm not privy to information on what the boxes should look like.
    SHE: ...
    ME: (Oops, should've dumbed that down) Well, you know, maybe it's for variety. Maybe they didn't want the same picture on everything.
    SHE: Well, I don't like it. They shouldn't do that. It's too confusing.
    ME: You should write a letter.
    SHE: This is a different brand.
    ME: (OH ****, WE'RE CLOSING LATE)
    SHE: The box is bigger. Plus, it's a different color. The whole box is yellow.
    ME: Yes.
    SHE: Is there...
    ME: They're relatively the same thing.
    SHE: But there might be more.
    ME: In the box? Let's see... this one has 30... and this one... they all have 30.
    SHE: How can you tell?
    ME: It's written right here.
    SHE: But the box is bigger.
    ME: That's true. But they all say '30 bandages'.
    SHE: So the box is emptier?
    ME: Probably, yes. If the bandages are the same size...

    At this point, I want to put my foot in my mouth for everything I say that makes the situation more complicated.

    SHE: Why would they make the box bigger if there's the same stuff in it?
    ME: Uh.
    SHE: Why do these boxes all have swooshy things on them?
    ME: That's the, uh, logo.
    SHE: They look weird.
    ME: It's a design concept. Uh, some guy just drew that.
    SHE: Is there a swooshy thing inside, too?
    ME: I doubt it.
    SHE: This box is blue, and the swooshy thing is blue.
    ME: (Attempting to get back on track) So why don't you want a cloth bandage?
    SHE: I work at Pizza Hut, and I don't want it to get wet.
    ME: Well, these are waterproof.
    SHE: But they're still cloth. (proceeds to open the box)
    ME: That may be-- please don't do that.
    SHE: I want to see.
    ME: They look the same as on the box. Yes, they're cloth, but they're waterproof anyway.
    SHE: I want plastic.
    ME: Miss, you have my word that these are the bandages that you want.
    SHE: I want to take them back if they're not what I want.
    ME: Of course. We have a return policy.
    SHE: What's that?

    BOOYA! In the home stretch.

    ME: You can bring it back if it's not what you want.
    SHE: Oh.
    ME: I'll take you up at the front register. Follow me...
    SHE: OK. I'm going to bring this back if... hey, these are pencils.
    ME: (AAAAHAHHHGGHGHGHGHGRRRRIOPIFGJLFJHEWFJEH#?U.@#*|$UEO)
    SHE: Why do these pencils cost more than those?
    ME: Hmm. Well, I really can't help you with that. It isn't my area. But I'm sure this guy right here (grabbing my coworker) will be able to answer all your questions.
    COWORKER: Ah, yes. Can I help you? (I'm going to find where you live and kill you in your sleep)


    And this is why you should never start out working in retail.

    1. Show previous comments  14 more
    2. myk

      myk

      Yeah, I just recalled my cousin Gaston, the astronomer, doesn't like them either (raw, at least.)

    3. Danarchy

      Danarchy

      insertwackynamehere said:

      i dont like tomatoes but i usually take them off, or deal with it.

      Same here. I never bother ordering them without tomatoes because a) it's a lot of hassle and you usualy get them anyway, and b) sometimes I decide to eat it with tomato after all.

    4. Bloodshedder

      Bloodshedder

      I never put tomatoes or onions or mayonnaise on hamburgers or sandwiches when I make them, but I usually don't bother removing them from purchased food because a) it's a waste b) it's a hassle and c) they don't taste THAT bad.

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