Bucket

My physician informs me that I don't actually have an STD. No, I am simply extremely prone to catching random viruses that make me break out in these disgusting, itchy warts which spread to any body part I touch. Naturally, I am totally relieved! And any potential sex partners I have in the future will be totally understanding when I explain the situation!

On the brighter side: even though I gained weight in the past year and my eating habits are still shitty, my cholesterol is 128 (200 is where you should worry). Bad cholesterol is 4.6, whatever that means, sounds good. Blood pressure is 90/110. He says that my blood "is made of Drano". That's great and all... so why do I look like a leper?