Single Status Update
Well she was. But it was an optical logitech mouse as opposed to a starship. The wheel crapped out on me, which sucked because I had to type in the floor/height values manually. I could've changed the configuration to use other buttons for that function. But I also wanted to use it to scroll up and down on this invention called the internet.
As opposed to letting this mouse share the same fate as all the other mice that have ever malfunctioned for me (I pick it up by the plug and hurl it around like a mace/morning star/flail and smash it into stuff till there's itty bitty pieces, which I then stomp on), I decided to fix this one. I looked at the bottom and noticed a screw.
So I gots me a screw driver, loosened the screw, carefully opened the bugger up to see what's the matter. Cat hair, and peanut butter surrounded the wheel. I pulled out the black piece which housed the wheel and the wheel came tumbling off of it. I removed all the crap and noticed this funky metal piece which resides beneath the wheel and inside the housing. After tinkering with it trying to figure out how the metal piece is used I figured out that this was the source of my wheel problem.
So I carefully bent the end of the metal which goes beneath the wheel and goes across the grooves in the wheel which cause it to function. Having cleaned it and put everything back into place, I put the screw in, plugged it back into my archaic machine, and HAZARR! It worked.
Hooray for me.