rebeldoomer

I think my brain needs an update and restart, took me a few seconds to realize why this is cursed.

I have frequent, severe episodes where it feels like I am suffocating to near death. A doctor at the hospital determined that I have PTSD since it's purely just psychosomatic (harmless) sensations, and my blood oxygen levels are always good. I also used to cuddle my friend every weekend at his place. We coped weirdly together.

Trying to imagine myself in their shoes, and from what I've learned from talented close friends who delete their work often, if I were to ever do such a thing, I'd do it because: Catastrophizing. As self punishment, in some weird, overly-emotional, destructive way. Wanting to "disappear" in some metaphorical way. Starting a "new chapter in life". Some past atrocious experience as a kid/teen, when other things I made got brutally roasted. Been overly self-conscious since. Maybe they made their works during a year associated with some distressing memories. I've deleted a lot of work that was ok quality, but due to unrelated memories they kept giving me (the people I talked to at the time mainly), I hated them. A friend of mine makes some amazing work, but is a perfectionist (due to trauma), he won't stop comparing his works to other people's. But he has a mental illness he's struggling with daily that heavily impacts his views in this case.

Doom 1, steam, on Debian. My friend ghosted me for 2 years after a nasty fight, he felt bad & wanted to reconnect. Gifted me the game to help make-up. Said something along the lines of "this game meant a lot to me and my dad. I know you'll like it too".

"for accidentally posting a offensive meme" Now I'm wondering what was this ominous meme in question... I probably don't want to find out.