Kelzam

In the past years of my life, mainly through high school until now, I seem to have lost any and all feeling I had regarding situations that I should react to in a certain way, any sort of conciouns regarding what I've said or done, and have lost sight of the bigger picture. I have majorly ****ed up in life in the last few months, end it has caused an epiphany (sp?), and my eyes are slowly but surely comeing to focus again on what is important and what truely matters. I look at things I've done and said, even on the internet and between here and Salvation, across other boards and while playing World of Wacraft, and I realized today that I need to find peace within, and live. The trigger of this emotion was a simple one: One of my cat's kittens was the runt of the litter, and as I picked it up to move it to the rest, I realized it was cold and bony. I felt tears well up inside, and later though my family tried to take care of it, it couldn't go any longer... and died. I went to my room, closed the door, and cried beacuse nature is so cruel and because I felt so bad for that kitten. I realize that it suffers no longer, but the pain it went through beforehand not getting fed properly and needing warmth from its mother that it did not get, made me feel worse than I have in a long, long time. Today I have realized that while I spend the majority of my time on the computer, most of my friends I socialize with have moved away for college or whatever, that I still have these feelings. I'm not sure of the exact list of what I'm going to do, but there is a list of things I'm going to do to try and get more attuned with reality and not be such a pessimistic *******. When I find myself saying things such as "Everyone has an equal opportunity for my hatred" over something as simple and stupid as a thread or comments there-in, I know something needs changed.

With all that said, I am in a transition, and trying to catch myself and word things so not to offend people or come across as such a cynic all the time. I apologize to anyone I have offended with my words, and I hope I can find the self control in me to make myself go through with the things I'd like to do (exercise, have a proper diet, read, socialize, sleep normal hours, and what have you). And this was really a train of thought, thus the big wall of text you're reading.

Have a wonderful day.