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About Kelzam

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  1. Towards the end of this last winter, Tristan and I broke up. He's a guy I've been in an LDR (long-distance relationship) with from Australia for a year and a half up until when we broke up.

    Couple of months later, met another guy after picking up Magic: the Gathering again. In the process I ended up friends with him. He's straight but pretty open-minded. I ended up liking him a bit more than I intended and we joked about it. Eventually he ended up telling me he thought he might have feelings for me. Up until then he'd been completely straight, so I wasn't sure how to take that. In a way it was what I wanted, but not what I expected to happen at all.

    Fast forward two months, he's really confused and uneasy about things with us being together. We're really close friends, but when it came to us being more than friends, while we thought if that were possible we could be really happy, there's a good chance when we started to get more intimate we'd end up destroying our friendship. He can't get turned on thinking about guys. I'm not the kind of gay guy that enjoys taking it in the ass, and being straight his entire life until he met me, he probably wouldn't either. That's a pretty laughable situation, especially since he wanted to wait to figure it out when we got to that point. I was supposed to give him time to think about things, to figure himself out, things with us and his life in general.

    In the middle of all of this, I still talk to Tristan. A couple of weeks ago, he came to me pouring his heart out telling me he still has an undying love for me. In some odd ironic twist, whereas it was difficult telling Jake I loved him because he couldn't say it back, Tristan told me he loved me and I wanted to say it back but couldn't make myself.

    While giving Jake time to think about things the last few days, I realized a lot of things I hadn't thought about before and there would be compatibility issues that would really work against us even if he did decide he wanted to try making things work as a couple. There's also the issue of, well, it's not uncommon for bi people to get bored with one sex and want to be with the other sex for a while. He's a really honest person, and really caring, but with all the questions, him never being with anyone before, I just realized there's a very good chance trying to be together like that would destroy our friendship and nothing would be able to be like it was before.

    I was having an extremely hard time dealing with all the emotions and things related to Jake the last couple days while I've been supposed to be giving him room to think. Yesterday morning I ended up telling Tristan about everything, and talked to a lot of my close friends about it. I ended up realizing that I still really love Tristan and want things to be able to work out, even though they're difficult because of immigration and distance. Everything else though, is there. I have a sense of security with Tristan, I know he loves me, we've been together and next month we'll have been together for two years. When he visited me for months last fall, it went really well.

    I ended up deciding to tell Jake for his sake and mine, we should just be friends, and Tristan and I are back together now. Everything sort of fell into place yesterday, where things need to be I think. I still feel pretty tense, haven't been able to sleep well/eat etc. All of my friends and myself feel this is how things should be.

    Wtf am I posting this on Doomworld again? Hell if I know.

    1. Show previous comments  9 more
    2. deathbringer


      Nobody leaves Doomworld forever!

      Also long distance relationships work better when you do actually go and see each other. I always wanted to visit Japan anyway... gonna go again in July.

      Oh and also we actually fell in love in real life too which helps. And as a mere bonus we saw Replusion and Vader.

    3. Super Jamie

      Super Jamie

      Tristan will either happen or it won't. I had a long distance girlfriend for a long time and we're still together so don't take any crap from people who use that as an excuse for why it won't work. That being said, I didn't have to deal with international immigration, and your relationship will eventually come to the point where you either need to be together or call it off. That's also probably a bit more difficult for you than it needs to be, due to the amount of places which don't give legal rights to same sex couples, which is very unfair.

      As for Jake, you're somewhat attracted to each other but know it wouldn't work out if you hooked up. I have a friend like this too. My friend and I got to the point where we decided we wanted to be friends for a very long time, rather than some sort of significant other (this is the classy way of saying "just a root") for a shorter time and then be left with nothing. Sounds like what you two should decide too.

      If you come to Australia and visit Brisbane, give me a yell and we'll have a drink :)

    4. Ralphis


      6 billion people and you're clinging to one that lives on the other side of the planet