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About Bank

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  1. I don't know what it is about myself but I have a great deal of difficulty getting over people. I was involved with someone for only a week or two, and I've been down for over two months. I've tried everything to get over them, I know it's unhealthy to dwell on these things, I know that I didn't do anything wrong, but still deep in myself I miss her so much.

    I often have difficulty connecting with people, and when I do and the connection is severed I have a lot of trouble fixing myself and not being sad. At the time we were together she had a boyfriend that she neglected to tell me about until later, we decided to break it off on good terms and I was fine until she came back for me. Then when she eventually left me because "it wasn't right" I could barely handle it. Now she's single but won't give me another chance. I tried hating her but it didn't work because I don't and it didn't make me feel better. I am really tired of being sad all the time. Every time I see her my heart drops.

    I know that this is all bad. I know I should be over her. I know I don't even have a chance any more. I don't know why I'm still upset. How can you love someone that you were with such a short time?

    1. Show previous comments  19 more
    2. Ralphis


      Bank, man up, stop being insecure and reach down and feel your nuts. If you were with this girl for a long time or something, maybe I'd understand where you're coming from but for every month you went out, you're allotted one day of grief. So, you've surpassed your allowed quarter to half day of grieving.

      Be a man, stop giving a shit about some trick , and exercise some swagger

    3. Maes


      I'll make a honest attempt at giving some useful, friendly advice here: feeling too emotionally dependant on/bad about one particular person that rejected you/you can't reach/you can't get intimate with etc. usually is the mark of the "loser" or "low status male", and a sign you've been out of "the game" for too long.

      I know this sounds like cheap PUA stuff but please, read on:

      It's OK to feel that way if you're very young and haven't had any emotional (not sexual) experiences, but if it's recurrent there's probably a bigger problem somewhere around. If human contacts (especially with people you can feel romantically attracted to) are few and far between, it's normal that you'll regard the first such person you encounter as cast gold and turn her into your standard/ideal/goddess, but the problem is that this is pretty much one-sided: the other person often doesn't give a shit/can't know what's going on inside you and the effect that she has on you.

      Seriously... to get over her you must get involved with something else or preferably, someone else. Hobbies and other solo activities can help, but if there's a greater emotional gap in your life they can only hold it back/mark it for so long (depending on how thick-skinned you are) before you collapse on yourself.

      Getting to know other people (preferably not at complete sausage fests), even if they don't have that potent effect The One has on you helps more than you think to take your mind away from her. Just throw yourself at the first random-ass party you can spot without caring if you fit in/you're out of your league/know none and try forcing a conversation, preferably with women.

      It's easy to imagine, hard to initiate, easy to pull through once initiated. Who knows, you may come out with a net gain instead of self-consuming like you're doing now.

      It's not going to be easy. Depending on how "soft" you are, you may be depressed for months before you get out of that reverie, or, if you grew too thick a skin, a couple of days and some introspection will do (heh, ask me how I know). There's no skipping the tribolation if you did get emotionally involved, though. It may be short, but it'll be there.

      Now, seriously, go.

    4. Bank


      I dig the advice both Ralphis and Maes. The truth is i'm not some shy nerd or something I'm a popular attractive guy who parties and has plenty of good friends. That's why I'm so damn confused on why I'm letting this eat me up for so long. If it's anything though, I have felt better just in the last couple days since posting this and getting some responses.