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About Cynical

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  1. A post from another forum -- I post this entirely without context


    (Setting: somewhere in the depths of Hell)

    The hapless UAC marine grabs the red skull key from the altar in the befouled cathedral. Suddenly, in several green flashes of light, the cathedral fills with horrifying skeletons! Instantly, they scream and converge on the marine, firing homing fireballs from shoulder-mounted rocket launchers, and delivering devastating KO punches.

    One of them, however, is more than a few steps slower than the others. He "chases" after the marine at a snail's pace; whenever he tries to shoot his mighty rocket launcher, the fireball barely leaves the muzzle and falls to the ground with a dull thud.

    The marine massacres the slow revenant's brethren. The then asks the lone survivor, "So, what's up with you? You made no contribution to this fight at all". "I have a sinus infection", the lone surviving revenant whimpers, receiving a knowing nod in return.

    The revenant continues, "So, aren't you going to blast me with your double-barreled shotgun? Or riddle me with bullets with your chaingun? Or reduce me to a pile of bones with two rockets? Or render me as though I had never existed with your BFG 9000". "Nah", comes the reply, "it's not worth spending the ammo on something that can't hurt me. See ya around".

    1. Tracer


      Well, that's not very cynical of you.


      Alas, honorable marine is honorable.

    2. Cynical


      (Spoiler: I'm actually the Revenant in the above scenario.  Sinus infections suck :( )