Single Status Update
got this for ma birfday.
Used to play the shit out of this when I was a kid, is basically a miniature based slash 'em up. Random dungeon generation via either cards or dice tables. Got my group coming over this weekend for a dungeon dive / orcrape spree. Because, you know, dungeons are these creature's home. You just break in, kill their friends and families, and steal all their shit.
In preparation for our first murder-simulation, I knocked up a few rules to make things more... realistic. Any D&D players who want to chip in with ideas for more drugs, sex and violence should feel free to do so.
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Potion of Cure Disease (D2x100g per dose)
Smells a bit like those banana flavoured antibiotic things you got as a kid. Does exactly what it says on the tin.
Potion of Cure Plague (d6+5x100g per dose)
Tastes like licking the inside of an Orc's arsehole. But will cure the really nasty shit like Nurgle's Rot, the Zombie Plague and
Potion of Invisibility (500g per dose)
Makes you invisible for one entire turn. Monsters can't see you, bitches can't hit you.
Potion of Fire Resistance (100g per dose)
Makes you invincible to fire-based attacks (dragon breath, etc) for D6 turns upon consumption. Shit hitting you with swords that
happen to be on fire have their attack strength halved.
Potion of Cold Resistance (100g per dose)
Same as above, but for freaks that breathe ice and other assorted chilly vapours.
Potion of Poison Resistance (100g per dose)
Immunity to poison for D6 turns. You laugh in the face of venomous spiders and snakes and fucking manticores. Man, I hate fucking
Pipe Weed (100g, supply for entire adventure)
Direct from the Shire, comes in a little baggy. Makes your feet hairy, for some reason. Hitting the bong over the course of the adventure will reduce your initiative by 1 (you can still do all the things you can do when sober, you just realize it's not worth the fucking effort) but increases your luck by one. Pipe weed is a 6+ addictive substance, roll for addiction at end of dungeon.
D6 Cocaine (500g)
+3 initiative and +1 attack for D6 turns after snorting. Characters without noses may not use cocaine. Oh, and it's a 6+ addictive substance, roll every time you take a hit.
D6 Speed (500g)
The Spice Melange (1000g per dose)
He who controls the spice controls the universe! He who ingests the spice can see into the future! Over the course of the next turn, the spice user can reroll any dice that directly affect him until he gets a result that satisfies. Note that the Spice Melange is a 5+ addictive substance, and the user CANNOT reroll his addiction test.
Addiction special rules
Roll as indicated above. If you pass, then all is well and good. If you fail, then you require more and more of those sweet, sweet drugs. You must keep yourself supplied with drugs at all times to keep yourself on an even keel, but taking those drugs has no positive effect on your stats.
After every unexpected event test against willpower - if failed, then you need to take another hit. If you have no drugs then withdrawal will kick in, meaning your weapon skill and ballistic skill will suffer a -1 modifier due to the shakes.Test against willpower at the end of every dungeon you make it through without the use of drugs - if you succeed, then you have successfully detoxed and everything returns to normal, or as normal as you depraved sons of bitches ever get. If you fail then things get worse instead of better, resulting in another -1 to WS and BS. Yes, this shit is cumulative, but your stats will return to their baseline if you fall off the wagon and get yourself some more DRUGZ.
In addition, anyone who is recovering or has previously been an addict to a substance must test against willpower every time they come into contact with that substance (in dungeon room treasure piles, for example). If you fail then your character is overcome and promptly shoves those drugs straight up their nose like an unstoppable junkie vacuum cleaner.
Two addicts in the same party WILL fight over the right to fling themselves into the giant mound of coke that Scarface of Khorne was keeping as his private stock. In this, frankly rather unlikely situation, fight a single round of combat between the two, the winner taking the spoils.
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Some creatures (noted in their special rules) carry disease. Fight as usual, but every warrior who sustains at least one wound in the combat must test against toughness at the end of the fight (when all the monsters are dead, or our brave heroes have successfully run away). Failure of this test means that you have come down with some terrible, stinking disease and must consume a cure disease potion to alleviate their symptoms.
1 - The Brown Trots
Also known as "the BT's", sufferers double up as they are wracked by excruciating stomach pains. Test immediately against willpower - if failed, then the shart escapes down your trouser leg. Movement is halved for the next D6 turns as you squidge around and hunt desperately for toilet paper. Further tests are required in the instance of 1) being in the presence of creatures that cause Fear / Terror and 2) in the instance of an Unexpected Event. Because shitting your pants is always an Unexpected Event.
2 - The Dreaded Bone Ache (-1 Toughness)
Your marrow turns to ice and a deep, uncomfortable pain sets in about your abused joints. You feel old, and weary, and the sound of youth and laughter makes you swell with unbridled hate.
3 - Excruciating Ballwither (-1 strength)
You muscles, such as they are, go numb and slack. Your six pack sags into a horrible scrotum of humiliation.
4 - Lichenstien's Dementia (-1 Int, -1 Willpower)
What were we talking about?
5 - Hilarious Tremens (-1 WS, -1BS)
Your hands won't stop shaking, your teeth clatter insistently, your back shivers and your head twitches. You have become the human vibrator and would be irresistible to women, if it weren't for the stinking ropes of semi-sentient mucus dangling gayly from the end of your nose.
6 - Cockwarts
They are your secret shame, but no one need ever know! Cockwarts, whilst embarrassing, are mostly cosmetic.
- Show previous comments 7 more
Heh, the boy scout woggle could represent a Warrior's innocence, giving him a Willpower bonus, or drive a Warrior to rage because he found a murdered Scout. Or a Slayer could use it to tie his ginger beard.
Consider giving the party money to buy bandages. There are very few reliable ways to heal Warriors and most of the monsters will batter you. Get the Dwarf enough armour and human-sized opponents can't wound him.
Bear in mind high-level monsters, especially wizards, can take your entire party out in one turn.
The skills are shit as well. That annoying Dwarf Death Song one can go on forever. How many penalties do Warriors suffer in the RPG version?? I think one example has someone attempting to make a shot with a -6 modifier... although in that example, the player had fallen over a tomb and whacked his face. While fighting a skeleton.
AMERICAN DOCUMENTARY FOOTAGE (10g)
This is supposed to be an investigation of a haunted catacomb, but the footage is riddled with flashy cuts; added-in sound effects; dodgy camerawork; loud music; annoying presenters who shit themselves when their boots skitter pebbles in front of them; and interruptions for adverts, so that only a true-born Yank could find it scary. American monsters must immediately take a WP test or flee in terror. Non-American monsters are unaffected, since they find the documentary to be unwatchable, hyperactive crap.
DOOMWORLD LOGIN (500g)
This priceless knowledge, available for 500 gold, allows you to edit Doomworld forum posts with annoying and un-funny HAXORED BY RALPHIS!!!11one messages. Unfortunately this only means something to five people worldwide, but may suddenly become important in an overpriced supplement next year.
DOWNLOADED COPY OF MONSTROUS ARCANUM (300g)
Objective room treasure. This is a poorly-scanned copy of the super-expensive Forge World supplement for Warhammer: Storm of Magic. Roll a D6 every time you try to read a page. On a natural result of 1, 2 or 3, the text is too blurred or the writing goes off the bottom of the page and the page is useless. In role-playing games, the Dungeon Keeper should (as always) pretend to roll loads of dice in secret and pretend to ponder the imaginary results as he strokes his goatee. Depending on the Keeper's level of sadism, the Warriors may either misinterpret the blurred writing in a manner that screws them later, or a successful Willpower roll will allow the Warrior to make some sense by squeezing his eyes almost shut; in which case the Warrior should lose a Wound due to the concentration headache.