darknation

darknation said:

alright, let's play a game. I am attempting to describe the passage of years and the ravages that time inflicts upon the body of a chronic alcoholic. The best I can come up with is;-

"...and the years kept piling on and on, like niggers at a gangbang."

Now, I like it, but it needs less niggers. Publishers will not like the niggers. I need something other than niggers that also likes gangbanging. Thesaurus.com has less nigger synonyms that I'd like so I come to you, the denizens of blogs, to help me out here.

Wrong - it needs FEWER niggers.

Darkies
Coons
Jigaboos
Porch monkeys
Mandingoes
Sambos
Tar Babies
Spades

I am surprised that you took me to be recommending that you opt for a metaphor rather than a simile, as if these these were the only two options. In general I find that when writers rely too heavily on either of these devices, the upshot is prose that is forced and leaden, and which - with the superaddition of often convoluted abstractions - serves only to divert the reader's attention away from the situation that's supposedly being described (especially where the simile or metaphor is mindbogglingly strained).
So, what I should have said was that I recommend describing the situation by, you know, describing it, without resorting to either simile or metaphor (no doubt this is more difficult).

I have this occasionally recurring nightmare where life is like a train crash, but an incredibly slow motion train crash, one that takes place over decades, and as you watch, you can see the start of every metal shear, the slow onset of every stress fracture, the deep groan of metal being bent under immense pressure, and the slow horrible dawning of utter inevitability.

Sometimes my waking life literally feels like this. Thankfully only sometimes.

I hope me sharing this helps to kick off some mojo.