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darknation

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    1. Show previous comments  9 more
    2. darknation

      darknation

      Sure. Here's a mock up I made in PSP / 5 minutes to illustrate the concept. It's rough as fuck, but you get the idea.



      Fortunately, I studied graphic design in college, so I can get away with this sort of shit by typing a lot of words that turn an offensive concept into something approaching art.

      1) I was greatly influenced by Rob Grant (or was it Doug Naylor?), who described a character turning up for a court case "...wearing an M&S Kipper tie, complete with Woman In Birthing Stirrups motif." I read it, laughed my ass off, and then found myself mildly depressed that such a thing did not actually exist in the real world. So, I did what any rational man would do, and made it myself.

      2) Sex sells.

      3) It actually has something to do with the plot. Tangentially.

      4) Someone pointed out that you can't put a vagina on the front cover of your novel, because society is still light years behind me on this front. So, after a bit of careful consideration, I adopted the technique used by British porn mags in the 1980's. You can print pictures of women spread-eagled in the centerfold of your magazine no problem, provided you cover up their genital opening with a little blue dot.

      'Tis a true fact. Those of a certain age will remember this phenomenon. You can look it up if you don't believe me.

      So, the idea is this; the books are printed (and, because I suck and have no publisher, I will be doing this via some private vanity printer) and mailed to me in a dirty great big box. Then, using blue stickers from crafts section of my local art store, I will apply said stickers in a vagina-covering position upon the offending portion of the image.

      And so we come to the great experiment; when presented with the censored vagina, will *you* run a fingernail against the blue dot? Will you peel it off to see what lies beneath?

      Will you open Pandora's Crotch?

    3. Mithran Denizen

      Mithran Denizen

      Heh. The prose is far tamer than my initial expectations, given your DWF posting, but certainly no less vivid. Please do continue with regular updates! I enjoy the ideas you've started to develop here and eagerly wait to see where you take them.

      darknation said:

      I was greatly influenced by Rob Grant (or was it Doug Naylor?), who described a character turning up for a court case "...wearing an M&S Kipper tie, complete with Woman In Birthing Stirrups motif." I read it, laughed my ass off, and then found myself mildly depressed that such a thing did not actually exist in the real world. So, I did what any rational man would do, and made it myself.

      I assume by "made it myself", you mean the wonderful art/motif itself, but not an actual tie, right?*

      Finish up the novel, and I'll personally craft you a bespoke necktie featuring a print of your cover art, gratis, should you be interested.

      It can be offensively wide and kipper-tastic, and I can attach as many removable blue censorship dots as you want. I love designing/sewing weird projects in my free time, and this would fit the bill on many levels. The offer stands.


      *[If I misunderstood, and you've already made up a tie using such a motif, as a textiles/tailoring/garment nerd, I'd love to see photos, haha.]

    4. darknation

      darknation

      Megalyth said:

      Do you have a proof-reader yet? I could lend a hand pointing out any errors I notice.


      Not as such, no; honestly, when it comes to editing / rewriting, for every error fixed I add another one by accident. There is little point in really going through it with a fine comb until I am completely satisfied that the damn thing is finished.

      For example; the biggest current pain in the ass is changing 80'000 words of past-tense into the present-tense. Basically, every single sentence needs to be rewritten and restructured. For example, beta 03 reads: -

      The fat man span, pissing all over the place as he went. His trousers were down around his ankles, and they tripped the already unsteady Fatmandu and sent him once more crashing down towards the ground. He battered his head savagely against the toilet on the way, ripping away the already broken pan-lid as he fell. The tiled floor finished the job of knocking Fatmandu unconscious with an eye-watering crack to the skull, a sound that bounced around the bathroom with an oddly hollow resonance.

      Which is fine, but tedious. Moving it to present tense provides a sense of urgency. Beta 09 reads;

      The fat man spins with the impact, hosing the room as he goes. His trousers are already down around his ankles - his legs become entangled, and the already unsteady Fatmandu is going down, down, down. He batters his head savagely against the toilet, he rips away the pan-lid as he falls.

      The marbled tiles of the toilet floor are what finish him, however. Skull and filthy ceramic clatter together, and the sound they make has an oddly hollow resonance to it. It echoes in the bathroom, like a hammer blow falling on a coconut.



      Same basic paragraph, but it involved a complete rewrite. Probably more, to be honest, and I'm still not 100% happy with it.

      The point is that any fine proof reading will be lost the next time I scream "Fuck it" and move the entire thing into a tense that hasn't even been invented yet. That said, feel free to point out any errors / grammatical fuck ups you find and I'll add them to my bug tracker.

      The offer was appreciated.


      Mithran Denizen said:

      I assume by "made it myself", you mean the wonderful art/motif itself, but not an actual tie, right?*

      Yeah, just the graphic, not the tie. I don't think the world is ready for a garment of such magnificence yet.

      Mithran Denizen said:

      Heh. The prose is far tamer than my initial expectations, given your DWF posting,



      There *are* older versions that are considerably more profane. Part of the editing process has been to remove words that were unnecessary and improve the flow of the novel.

      Technical: The opening chapters are a prologue, and not necessarily stylistically typical of the whole. What I'm attempting to write is a gothic comedy; words should flow into each other, the tone should be one of a slowly rising dread that either resolves into horror or a laugh. Not knowing which one to expect at any given time should, I hope, make the prose unnerving and turn the gothic aspects of the atmosphere up to 11.

      This said, punctuating sentences with fuck or cunt needs to be done for a specific reason; most curse words are guttural and sharp sounding, and if they are used throughout then it's hard to get a good whispering feeling of dread going. It's akin to writing poetry; you need to be aware of where the stresses are and how the sibilants fall.

      So, my usual practice of using Fuck every second word is out.

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