Over the past 2.5 years I've cooked a lot. Randomly I get ambitious and cook things that I've literally never eaten before, but I think will be a good idea. I've cooked rosoto without ever tasting it. Last night or rather 7 hours ago was scallops. I cooked a test scallop that turned out fine. Then I cooked the other 3 scallops. Those other 3 I feel turned out burnt.
Now here's a flashback for you, when I was at the super market, the employee working there I felt was trying to tell me not to buy them. They're $18 per pound. I was iffy. I felt he was taking the long way to hint that I shouldn't buy them. He bluntly asked who likes them, your wife or your girlfriend? We laughed, because men apparently don't buy them. He asked if I liked them, I said, never had them, either had he. But I was going to cook them. He pointed out he doesn't want to sell me something I probably won't like. The whole conversation was a painful 5 minutes. He constantly asked, do you get what I'm saying? I thought it was code for don't buy these!
After picking them up I went to the front checkout where one person was in line, this little old lady in her wheelchair was buying a box of wine. Not just a box with wine in it, but a big box with 8 bottles of wine in it. She argued about the price and haggled to get the price down. First another clerk was called in for the sale of the booze since the underage clerk working there can't sell booze. Then a manager was called in for the haggling.
When it was my turn, the clerk had to change the receipt ream of paper, to which he had it backward and my info printed on the wrong side. Why am I bringing this all up? They were signs. I laughed and knew they were signs.
Oddly enough, during the meal, it was the burnt ones that tasted fine. It was the non burnt one that was rubbery. So I blame the test subject. My girlfriend has yet to come down with food poisoning, but who knows. I ate the undercooked one.
I peed out my ass, downed some ginger aile that has been sitting in the fridge for 2 years. Then I thought.... the only way out of this is to throw up.
When I started throwing up, some long tentacle of a thing came out. It belonged to the scallop. Then I thought oh fuck that's not what I need to throw up. So I kept going like the trooper I am. It took a while, but now I'm feeling better. Thank you vomit process, you make everything better in a hurry.
For those curious, the actual meal is lobster ravioli.