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THE NEIGHBORS

I think I've had these neighbors the past 2+ years, its tough to say. Its 3 guys, 1 girl and a baby. That's what I could tell looking at the house. I don't really know my neighbors, any of them. I assume most people think no one lives in my house since I only go out at night.

Anyway, these neighbors have a lot of Saturday parties with illegal fireworks. To be fair the fireworks don't go up after 9 pm, but they light up the night sky and in a small town, its obvious who is shooting off the only fireworks in the area, so its amazing the police haven't visited.

About once a month someone drives a motorcycle around their front lawn at midnight or 1 AM. I'm normally awake, so it doesn't anger me, but I can only imagine what the other neighbors must feel. Their front lawn is dwindling. A previous owner paved an extension to their driveway for a 6 car parking lot. Then these neighbors paved over a good portion of their lawn to make the parking lot even bigger. I assume for their parties.

Even with the parking lots, they park near the road, away from the house, maybe that's a winter thing, if it snows they want to be close to the road... but with that said they have a few vehicles, 4 wheelers and trucks with snow plows on them.

If you think a 6 car parking lot is big, our other neighbor had previously ran a business out of their home, they turned a home with a 2 car garage into a 6 car garage. Then... they built a warehouse in the back for even more vehicles. The warehouse was behind the 6 car garage extension and it was for big trucks that couldn't drive through or around the 6 car garage, so instead it had a driveway AROUND the house. Imagine a house with a pavement moat. I'm amazed the town let them get away with that. That's another story.

So back to the problem neighbors...

For 3 months they decided to just leave the curtains open to their front room. I could see through their house, they had knocked down a wall in the center that I remember being there, and I could just see through behind the house. Imagine a box car with both doors open. It was just strange they didn't have their curtains closed for 3 months no matter what. Maybe they were getting replaced, but would it take 3 months? Plus its winter.

Last year at around this time the female living over there came over to my house. She brought a mouse she caught. They have a mouse problem. So she setup a glue trap, because she couldn't figure out the snap trap and she couldn't find any place to buy poison. She brought the mouse in the glue trap. She wanted to know if I had a way to get the mouse out of the trap. Nope, but I did look it up, apparently its extremely difficult to impossible to get a mouse out of a glue trap and you're supposed to throw the mouse out with the trap.

I had to ask her that one of the three guys she lives with can deal with it. She said they're gone and she explained she's a live in nanny working for a gay couple with a kid and their brother lives with them. So that explains the 3 guys, 1 girl and a kid. I always laughed to my friends that it was a woman and her 3 husbands.

Months go by... There's someone at my door, but I try not to answer and I had this weird feeling that because there was no vehicle in the driveway it was the neighbor. It was 9 at night. So I ignored it and that woman walked around the house to find the room I was in and just started yelling in. Lucky for me I keep all blinds shut, because if people don't think the house was occupied you need to keep the blinds shut to keep up the illusion.

Long story short. She felt her boyfriend was at a bar cheating on her... could I please watch the kid while she goes over to catch him. She said the kid was asleep and wouldn't be awake until tomorrow. wtf? I'm a stranger. I asked what about the 3 guys she lives with. Oh they're all gone. Didn't say where. Maybe they work late or party late... 3 people all gone. Now that I'm thinking about it... little kids sleep and she could probably just take the kid with her.

Anyway, sounded like some sort of a trap, hey stranger come watch my kid. I told her to call some friends and have them stalk the guy and she said no one is answering their phone. I can't imagine why. Oh and keep in mind this is us yelling through a wall to one another. I didn't open my curtains or anything. Ho-lee- shit. To wrap up the conversation I told her call a cab and have the driver stalk him. She got no where and went home across the road.

Months go by and Halloween comes up. I have never had a trick-or-treater. I'm in an unpopulated area. There was a knock at the door. For years I've always joked about "if I ever get a trick-or-treater I've got an Easter bunny for them." Well... I did, from 2006. Sure enough it was the woman next door and she brought the 3 year old dressed as a pumpkin. I just so happened to have bags of chocolate my aunt didn't want so she came over and gave me them. The catch is they were from the summer and it gets hot, so chances are they were half melted inside. I gave her a choice 1 bag of chocolate mint or another bag of some kind of chocolate peppermint.

I gave them an entire bag. She said I was so weird and do I do that with every trick-or-treater, so I informed her I've literally never had a trick-or-treater and it would only be weird if we were talking through a wall at 9 pm or if she brought over a mouse. She gave me some sort of dead, blank expression like she couldn't remember.

Then I noticed she had a ring. So I tried to think back if she had a ring when she brought the mouse over. I don't think she did, but I guess I never thought to check? So I'm wondering if she's not a nanny, and that's her kid because she's just some psychotic house wife. She does have white blonde hair and so does the kid. Then again her hair is so white blonde that its probably not natural.