geo

Let me tell ye all about this one. My friend dated a girl for 2 years, this girl moved to Chicago to be with my friend after a few months. Then after a few more months, she started to go to a university in MN for her masters or doctorite or whatever higher education. This past summer, the girl was flying back to Chicago to see my friend for a week long break. My friend wanted to dump her for 3 months, he kept talking about it and talking about it. He was gonna wait to see her to dump her face to face. Instead, my friend dumped her via the phone just as this girl was boarding the plane.

My friend told her not to come, but it was way too late! My friend bailed on picking her up at the airport. Instead I got a call. This girl knows everyone, yet knows no one but me. She has billions of aquaintances and net friends, but I'm the only real friend.

This is the summarized version of my week of Hell.

So I went to the airport, picked her up and she stayed with me the entire week. I discovered why my friend wanted to dump her. She's dominatrix gorgeous, a fetish model, but probably the highest maintainance girl I've ever met. She's only extremely high maintainance because of her food allergies and pickiness I suppose.

I called my friend at some point on my way to the airport. There was no answer, so I left a very angry message. Its now been 6 months and I've still never heard from the friend again after 17 years. I even remember my friend telling me not to know this girl for any circumstance. However, I didn't listen and the FM and I became friends. My friend also warned me that she tries to get in your head and use that like Hannibal Lectur, and after knowing this girl for 18 months, I'd have to say that's pretty true.

This girl had a free ticket, because her best friend is a pilot (We all should be so lucky), so she flew in for free. I picked her up, we drove 2 hours to meet a friend of hers in a different city. As it turns out, she's never actually met this friend before that moment. We had Chinese food, because she's allergic to everything it seems. That and she's fluent in Chinese.

We went shopping at a special food store called "Whole Foods." In my area, the nearest one is an hour away, which one time is fine, but she demanded to go every day for a lunch.

The reason why she was coming home other than to be with my friend was the three of us were going to attend the Chicago ComiCon. Her roommate from MN was supposed to come with her, and I'm happy he didn't.

At the time I was dating my psychotic ex for a month, before she went psychotic. I had already dumped her twice, and this would have been the perfect oppertunity to dump her again.

Anyway, having a beautiful fetish model stay at my place would have put me into the "wrong" catagory, so my girlfriend invited us both to stay with her in her place. So that's exactly what we did. I've got nothing to hide, and I know jealousy issues arise when having someone beautiful stay with you, when you're dating someone else.

They could not have been more different, in fact one night when we were eating $40 a plate sushi (the girl's idea), I pointed out how my girlfriend had red hair with a white hoody and tan skin, and the fetish model had a black hoody with black hair and pale skin. The model is jewish, the girlfriend is strict Christian. The first night went hospitable, yet disasterous. The batteries in my air mattress blew up and I had to buy a new pump at 2 or 3 am.

The second day with her there, my girlfriend revealed how truly insane she was. After waiting 3 hours for the fetish model to get ready, we went shopping at our local giant mall. The fetish model had laid a towel out like I used to before my girlfriend trained me. I was to blame for that, before the FM jumped in and said she left it. Then the FM would later point out that she thinks there's a hint of a psychotic personality in my girlfriend.

Later, when we went to the mall, we went into an expensive sunglasses store for an hour and walked out empty handed. Which is more than I can say for one woman there. The FM got bored and went out into the main area of the mall, while my GF stuck a $300 pair of sunglasses into a woman's purse. Just for laughs. I saw her do it, but I didn't realize what she was doing at the time. Then we quickly left at her idea. Then a minute later the woman left and the alarms went off, then I realized what she did. She saw it as a prank, the FM and I saw it as her being childish.

All throughout the stay, they both would comment to me how terrible the other one was. I would always bring up, well I could just dump her and have the FM stay at my house. Nope, neither one wanted me to do that. Although that would have been for the best.

The third day was the first day of ComiCon. We just about saw everything in 2 hours. It was dull, because it was a weekday. At noon, the FM was getting hungry, so she wanted to drive to a Chinese restaurant, because this was before she started making me go to Whole Foods every single day to pick up lunch. Well at ComiCon there is a parking garage that costs $18 to leave. I didn't want to pay $18 twice, so we walked with my GPS leading the way. There were heavy clouds overhead that blocked the GPS from getting a signal, so I used it like a map. I found the closest one and guided us using the GPS map. We got there, before the rain and had some good Chinese food. Then my GPS got a signal and we had walked 3 miles to get there! Then on the way back, that's when the thunderstorm came. At first it was sprinkles, then it was a thunderstorm. We had no umbrella. I told her that god hates Jews, so that's why he was punnishing us.

The fourth day was a more active ComiCon, with some nice costumes. It was also the BattleStar Galactica panel. Neither one of us had watched the show, and there was a panel of 2 people. The old captain (Garcia?) would talk 10 minutes about each question, so long that we'd forget the question. We would fall asleep listening! I know I sure did!

After ComiCon, it was a rush home to pick up the GF and go to the $40 a plate Sushi place... which was located right next to the Whole Foods. The FM has serious food allergies, she's allergic to Gluton, Milk and everything else under the sky. The waiter didn't take her food allergies seriously at all. He confirmed that the food didn't have gluton, then he brought it out, then the FM said double check, and he did. Then he said, yes it has gluton. She went off on him, which was oye. Bad. Then my girlfriend decided to prank him by saying its the FM's birthday. Its not. I had to go back into the kitchen before they made this chocolate cake thing for her on behalf of her birthday. I told the waiter, he seemed hurt that he would get lied to. Oye.

Then the FM stiffed the waiter on tip, and in fact the manager asked her why she stiffed him on tip. Then the waiter came over to hear why. The whole gluton = death thing. Then she went on to say how she spent 4 months in the hospital in early 2K9 because she had gluton.

On the way home, my GF and the FM got into an arguement about the tips. Then they got into an arguement about cancer, war, and religion. After letting them have a heated arguement for 30 minutes, I told them... can we just talk about puppies and kittens? So I literally started talking about puppies and kittens for 10 minutes so it would keep them shut up. They were laughing at me :-)

Day 3 of ComiCon had the cast of New Moon there. My GF badly wanted to go, and bring her 3 year old son. I felt bad, but we denied her going because of her son. Its like taking a kid to the toy store and not being able to buy anything or play with anything. As for the New Moon thing, it was hilarious, because they had a 1,000 seat room packed with 200 people. It was pathetic. They started it off with a raise of hands, how many men? There were 25, then a raise of hands of men who have read any Twiglight book. There were only 5 and I wasn't one of them. We only stayed 10 minutes, but seeing the stars insult the books was funny because of how the crowd thought they were laughing with them... when the stars were laughing at Twiglight.

We met up with someone she knew pretty well. He was a nice big huggable comic book lover. Have they ever met before? Nope, but she's known him on the net forever. I'm detecting a theme :-)

More interesting than that, they knew each other through a mutual friend that she knows in person. She was this person's dominatrix. Then the person went all crazy and wouldn't leave her alone. That is just another clue.

As it turns out, on that 5th day, someone that the FM knew was in town! A former coworker from MN. This girl was an angel, born in Russia, moved to the US, and very lovable, inquisative and very wonderful to be around. We picked her up in the heart of Chicago from her hotel. She's very opposite to the FM. It also seemed like they didn't know one another that well. Once we picked her up, I ended up going the wrong way down a one way street, twice! We had dinner with my GF and her son, the Russian was enchanted by my GF's son. The Russian is also the sweatiest beautiful woman I've ever known. Of course it was in the summer. Then my GF and her son went home, and I gave the girls a "Dark Knight tour" of Chicago's underground. It was fun and magical, in fact I posted a blog about it on myspace.

On the sixth day, after doing the Dark Knight tour, we went to our local auto museum and saw plenty of movie vehicles and replicas with the FM and my GF. They wanted to be there a lot more than I did.

Day 7, I dropped the FM back at the airport for her free ride home. I was her chauffer for 7 days straight without her so much as offering to pay for gas or parking. The Russian offered to pay for gas.

The next day, my GF was asking me if she ever said thank you. I thought long and hard about it, but you know what? She nor I never heard one thank you at all. It was just like the girl expected it. Maybe it was the stress of getting dumped on the phone and bailed on at the airport that she forgot.

Now its 6 months later and this is the reason why I'm posting this... the FM is going to be meeting a boy from Canada. Yay! Why does this involve me? It shouldn't, but it does. Back in November, she asked if it would be okay if she flew here. I said, yeah sure. She asked if she could stay at my place. I have no problem with that. Then in December, she asked if her friend could stay too. I know her definition of friend. Friend is usually someone she's never ever met before, but she knows on the Internet. Sure enough, I was right! Basically, she's meeting a guy from Canada, and even though she has a place of her own with a roommate in MN which is a lot closer than Chicago, she wants to meet this guy in Chicago. Huh? That makes no sense. She gave me a sob story about her roommate how he's abusive and thinks they're together, but she can't throw him out and meeting this Canadian is her chance to get out of her place. What?

That was the point that I started seeing it like I'm sure my friend saw it, she's just living off the kindness of others. The pilot brings her for free, the fact she moved from SD to Chicago to be with my friend, then moved to MN and is living with a guy that thinks they're together, and now there's a guy in Canada?

To top that off, at my work, we sent someone to China, so I was helping her learn Chinese. I picked it up surprisingly well. Since the FM is fluent in Chinese and is getting a doctorite in Traditional Chinese Medicine, I asked her if I could recite some Chinese just to see if I'm pronouncing it correctly. She said no. Huh? No? Its talking on the phone. She said to find someone who is Chinese and recite it to them? She couldn't even help me over the phone and she wants to stay for free?

Naturally I told her no she can't stay... fuck no... She starts guilt tripping me and calling me a flake and WE made these plans months ago. I told her a flake is someone that ditches her at the airport, I'm giving her a few weeks to find someone else. That's called backing out.

So after 2 months of warning, today is the day she's flying in. I'm not picking her up, she's not staying here, but I wonder how her pon-far goes with the Canadian.