Single Status Update
I'm going to start this blog and end it later. Here are the first 2:
Last year around Christmas, my cousin took me to one of her army Christmas parties. My cousin has 4 kids, so her husband will often stay home with them and she will take someone else to functions. Anyway, that’s where I met the Marine. She had a unique name, but I’m going to keep the names secret.
The marine was very short, 5’, dark hair, bright expressions, tan, slightly buff with badass barbed wire tattoos on her arms. She’s a mother of 2 boys and a nurse at the ghetto hospital one of my other exes works at.
The marine had a pink forearm cast and never told me what it was from. I met her; we exchanged phone numbers, web addresses and saw each other on webcam before we set up a date.
Before our first date when we were facebook friends, I looked at videos of her. One of the videos was of her at a hotel party with her marine frat boys and her choking out one of them. Like really he was passed out, she won. The video made it seem like it was over a phone, but I’m not sure what about a phone.
The date was ridiculously early, but made sense. A 9 am coffee date. The earliest date I’ve ever had. Even though she’s only 30, she’s like a little old lady. Breaks bones easily, dressed heavily and we learned how to play cribbage together that morning. At 9 am, there was no chance at chemistry, but I’ve discovered over this past year, that’s the point of a coffee date. You don’t want chemistry.
The first date of 2010 was over, but she would be back later when I was with a different date.
THE GYM TEACHER
She’s the woman of many names. In fact I took all of those names and smushed them together one day. I met her last December at my friend’s birthday party. She’s slim, 6’ tall, half white, half black 33 year old that looks 23 and everyone is drawn to her. The night I met her I gave someone else a compliment and a whole table of 6 women melted. It was like wow, hearing all six say awwww all at once. Then the gym teacher commented that I’m a guy that should be cloned so she could marry me. Flattery will get you everywhere.
My 2 cousins were at the party and they tend to put me over. As for why the gym teacher gave me the clone compliment. I found out 2 months later, she said that thinking I was the bf or husband of one of my 2 cousins. Weeks later the gym teacher and I had a coffee date. It was a long great coffee date. It was full of laughs. I’ve had great coffee dates before.
After that we set up a second date, she bailed on it saying she’s sick. Yep that happens. Women get sick just before the second date. 6 months later I was at a party and my friend was explaining that the gym teacher found out the week after the coffee date that she was pregnant. My friend had her cousin living with her and he dated the gym teacher for 6 months. I can’t figure out why. The dude looks like a hobo and I hear he doesn’t flush. Anyway, he got her pregnant and she miscarried.
I still know her and see her at parties. Since knowing her I’ve learned she’s pretty deceptive, even from people’s comments on her Facebook. They know she’s deceptive too and it’s a big joke. Plus she always fishes for compliments on Facebook and she doesn’t need to.
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My friend and I went to an improv comedy thing. When the host was looking for a job, my friend screamed out, Psychic Drug Dealer. The whole place came to a screeching hault.
I'm glad I could entertain you. Not everyone is horrifying, but there are far worse women I've been involved with. That's why having one date with someone keeps me out of a relationship and it keeps me buzzed on knowing someone new.
As for this year, no dates. I'm happy with that.