Single Status Update
Everyone is flawed, at least that's what I keep telling myself.
To make a long story short, in the past 3 months, my flaws have been pointed out to me rather frequently. I suppose that I should be happy about it, because now I can work on them.
Several were pointed out to me today and it made me feel like life's punching bag. Like I'll one day use all of this to become a super villain. The last flaw that my friend pointed out is that she can ask a question and I can give a non answer, flip flop on the subject and finally give her an answer 90 minutes later. Unfortunately, that's no exaduration.
Earlier today for a meeting, a client of mine had taken a week to review a project that I worked on for 50+ hours a week since a week before Christmas. I felt like they were nitpicking or like I had to defend my choices on the piece of software like I was on trial.
The client's secretary came in and they asked her, then they called in more employees from the company and asked them. 7 people were asked, and I felt like they weren't rating the software, they were rating the presentation of it or lack thereof... when its still 4 months away from being done. Some of them would end their comments with little jabs that had nothing to do with the project.
Anyway, apparently in defending my software, they established that I don't like criticism and I'm very passive aggressive. That seemed to be the phrase they loved to use. One of them made a joke they'd have to ask my opinion, because they feared saying something I didn't agree with. Perhaps if I was less passive aggressive and more direct, I would have told them all off and lost a client and a 6 month job.
Then I remember back to my jerk of a boss doing the kiosk software. He'd nitpick things. Then I remembered how I'd always feel like I was on trial and he felt like I was doing a mistake on purpose like "Why did you feel the color should be light grey when I said dark grey." And it would be a mistake and not my calculated descision. Each time I'd stand up to him or show any bit of confidence, I'd get squashed like a bug.
Maybe I'm trying to make myself the victim here and that's another flaw of mine.
I skirt issues, I don't like criticism and I'm passive aggressive. I think that the army would call me a flanker. Is that such a bad thing? Maybe this flank thing is why I don't commit to things and why I'm 30 and haven't been close to marriage or kids... or having a pet.
So now that I know about my flaws. Can I change them or is it just, people are who people are and I need to find friends that are immune to it. Or, should I be going to therapy?
Definitely work on your passive aggressiveness. You won't get along with ANYONE with that method of response. Just stick it out at your job. If you're competent at your job, you can learn how to state your knowledge confidently and disagree with your boss/colleagues without being insulting. Also, you say you're "squashed like a bug" when your boss says something dumb. It seems like you're all turned around. You're being aggressive when others are being reasonable, and you're being passive when others are being aggressive.
Here's the good news: You have an easy opportunity to demonstrate a dramatic improvement in the eyes of your co-workers.
Thanks for the feedback Andrew! So I'm backward and maintain a level of aggression, whether its me to them or them to me? Maybe if I was aggressive when others were being aggressive, we'd go to war and then Jerry Springer I'm sure.
I've had the same job 11 years. Its just my manager usually handles things, due to my lack of people skills. Last year I did get a second job making kiosk software and luckily I don't have that job by choice. That's another story though.
After my bad day learning about myself. I went around to friends and other coworkers to find out if certain things were true. My coworkers said that passive aggressive isn't a way to describe me. They told me that I've put up with a lot of crap from people and had infinite patience all with a smile. They added, if I'm suddenly passive aggressive, it must be a mislabel or I've lost patience for dealing with dumbasses. Perhaps they are trying to make me feel better.
My friends informed me that I'm very direct. I know what I'm doing and how to explain it to everyone in plain English and if some people say that I take 90 minutes to give them an answer, perhaps I should look at the sources or the questions.
Maybe everyone is right and I react differently with different people or different situations.