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Status Updates posted by Creaphis

  1. Damn, what happened to blogs?

    I was going to write some heartfelt screed about where I've gone in life since I posted here last but this really doesn't feel like the place

    1. Show previous comments  11 more
    2. Catpho


      I vaguely remember that being someone's custom title. Was it Creaphis's :o

    3. BigDickBzzrak


      Wtf, it's not his title anymore?????????????? 

    4. Creaphis


      Yeah, I was surprised to see I've been stripped of my title. I definitely still deserve it.

  2. I've been putting off buying a new desktop PC for years, and now I've finally decided I'd rather have a laptop anyway, which should get me out of my basement and into my kitchen.

    I'm thinking 15.6" screen, big enough to see and small enough to carry. 1366x768 max resolution is fine. Aside from that it just needs to be reasonably good at playing things and doing stuff by modern standards. A friend is already telling me to get the Lenovo IdeaPad Y510p on sale for $850 on this page. If anyone wants to show me some better performance:price ratios or warn me about important things I haven't thought about then that's what this thread is fuckin' for.

    1. Show previous comments  10 more
    2. Creaphis


      I ended up buying the laptop I linked in the OP.

      hex11 said:

      I bought a used Thinkpad with 15" widescreen and don't like carrying it around much. Should have got a smaller machine... bigger than a netbook, but smaller than this.

      I did choose a 15" over a 17" to cut down on some excess bulk.

      ArmouredBlood said:

      You'd think laptops are great for going around town and having something to do while waiting for class/lunch break/appointments/etc, but after my college years commuting, I don't really see a difference between what I'd be doing on my laptop and I see others doing with a smartphone (I do not own one), besides doom mapping and adding 3+lbs to my backpack. If you really want to play a game, you'd be at home, in your computer area/living room, not setting up near to someone doing something completely irritating.

      I'm not sure I'll worry about dragging this thing to classes when I go back to school - there's just something special about taking notes on paper like our primitive ancestors did - but I'd sooner take notes and write essays on a laptop than on a smartphone. I'll never use this thing just to kill a few minutes at a time, and I'd never use a smartphone for that either, because there's nothing I can do in five minutes that doesn't leave me feeling drained. Worthwhile activities take longer. I see myself setting this thing up where I have the space and time to read, write or watch something all the way through, and next to a friend's computer when he wants to play something. The freedom of mobility will be a relief even if I don't end up taking advantage of it all that often.

      Technician said:

      I use a Mac. I'm not one of you programing/mod nerds; I use my computer like one drives a civic.

      Same here, but if I got a Civic after paying for a Mercedes Benz I think I'd be disappointed, wouldn't you? The only way I know of to get a Mac for a fair price is from your friendly neighbourhood black market.

    3. Phml


      I'm technologically inept and I find Macs and iThings in general utterly confusing.

      For example, I got an iphone 3gs last year. I wanted to put a custom ringtone on it.

      With my previous mobile phone from 2000, all I had to do is connect it to my computer with an USB cable, and drag and drop the music file I wanted to use.

      With the iphone, apparently I need to install specific software (itunes) that will always run in the background and use resources unless I do complicated (for me) computer trickery to get it to stop. Opening that particular piece of software greets me with a bunch of random categories plastered everywhere about stuff I don't want/need, complete with unintuitive names. When I finally find out I'm supposed to click on the name of my device or somesuch, there's no simple "transfer files" option. Instead, I have to go through some kind of "synchronise" option; which of course I can't get to work, no matter how hard I pray for the immortal soul of Steve Jobs.

      How is this easier or accessible?!

      Rhetorical question. I know there's people who find "RT @SuperCoolKid34 LOOOOOOOL~~~ #YOLO #JustinBieber" to be easier to read than "heh, that's funny" or even a simple lol. And there's also the whole reading from bottom to top prevalent in every popular site ever. Obviously, everyone else is weird and I'm the only sane person alive.

    4. fraggle


      go go gadget car analogy

  3. As in, we figured out that the relationship wasn't going anywhere. She's the one who started the conversation but it was more or less mutual.

    Commence sympathizing.

    1. Show previous comments  15 more
    2. DuckReconMajor


      Phobus said:

      Has this been a particularly lengthy (6 months or more, say) relationship?

      10 months 10 days 22 hours 51 minutes

    3. Phobus


      Ah - well... if we don't hear from in the next few days we may want to notify his next of kin.

    4. Super Jamie

      Super Jamie

      If I could deliberately take a contrary position just for the sake of writing an incredibly long argument, I would.

  4. Shit was so cash.

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. TimeOfDeath666


      "bizarrely nerdy" = "cool"

    3. DuckReconMajor


      Creaphis said:

      In this case, she's actually the one who wanted to show me her Yugiohs.

      I figured this, which is why I worded my post the way I did.

      Creaphis said:

      I guess I'm guilty of wanting to show her off, but if you replace "cool" in the above sentence with "bizarrely nerdy" it will more accurately reflect my sentiments.

      In circles such as this, the two are interchangeable.

      edit: looks like eternalslumberparty beat me to it

    4. TimeOfDeath666


      lols eternalslumberparty is awesome

      So Creaphis, do you guys watch Jets games every Saturday or what?

  5. As in, I finally went on one.

    Yeah I'm a real Casanova.

    Commence backslapping.

    1. Show previous comments  55 more
    2. Phml


      In the same vein, I like eating petit suisse because it makes me feel like I'm stomping castles.

    3. printz


      TimeOfDeath: Why do you go by two accounts? Why don't you just ask an admin to rename you?

    4. TimeOfDeath


      I'm sorry, I will stop.

  6. Mine were no exception, for today I turn:

    -Chronologically 23
    -Cognitively 17
    -Emotionally 12

    1. Show previous comments  8 more
    2. Technician


      DuckReconMajor said:

      Happy Birthday Canadian I'm sure you'll be eating lots of Poutine.

      Yeah, pooooooooooontang

    3. DuckReconMajor


      Technician said:

      Yeah, pooooooooooontang

      Yeah well at least poutine won't spit blood in your face.

      fraggle said:


      After playing through the original Star Fox I'm starting to wonder about that man.

    4. Snakes


      Creaphis said:

      Mine were no exception, for today I turn:

      -Chronologically 23
      -Cognitively 17
      -Emotionally 12

      Lucky you. Cognitively, I was born on a leap year, and as such, my brain is convinced that I'm only 5. I'll be ****** <----- that minny nekst year, tho!

  7. Since I've been using the Blogs forum to reassure myself that my life really isn't as shitty as some others out there, I'll do you guys the same favour and tell you what went wrong with my day, so you can be happy that at least it wasn't you.

    Today, I was scheduled to see my grandma in her hospital bed (a fairly important gesture, even though it's not much fun) and to go to one of my favourite Christmas family gatherings. Well, that all changed when I woke up by soiling myself. I went to the toilet right away and just about passed out from the trip. My hands actually started vibrating like I had Parkinson's, maybe from lack of blood or unstable body temperature.

    I've spent twelve extremely uncomfortable, extremely boring hours tossing and turning in my bed. It's 8 pm now, and I've only been able to force myself out of bed to go to the bathroom and to take care of my cat, which is my responsibility of course because I've been alone all day. I'm not sure I'm actually feeling any better now but I had to get out of bed because the isolation in my dark room was driving me crazy.

    I've eaten nothing all day but a glass of apple juice and two crackers, and even that made me nauseous beyond belief. I actually had to induce vomiting for the first time in my life because my stomach just felt so awful.

    I know the flu's pretty mundane, but it's the best I can come up with. I'll tell you about some real disasters when they happen.

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. Csonicgo


      Danarchy said:

      You know, I'm not sure if I've ever had the flu in my entire life. I may be immune or something.

      Same here...I've had Sinus infections, but never the flu.

    3. lupinx-Kassman


      Coming from someone who can recall vomiting at least a dozen times in his twenty year life, sorry to hear that man. Flu blows chunks.

    4. DuckReconMajor


      I got vaccinated. Never had the flu.

  8. Keep the nomination thread clean by posting all your other crap here!

    No, I'm not involved with the Cacowards in any way. I just saw a need and filled it.

    EDIT: Changed the link, as the official Cacowards nomination thread is now in Wads & Mods. John Smith requested that the official thread be kept clear of discussion so I guess this thread is still needed.

  9. I'm sure that you've all been missing me horribly, so I apologize for my extended absence. It's not that I've been busy getting my life on track or anything - it's just that I managed to get interested in Runescape again, of all things, and have been spending my gaming time making this. Anyways, to make up for lost time away from the Doom community, or, more accurately, as punishment for leaving it, I impulse-bought this at a pawn shop:

    I've never seen it before. I'm going to watch it.

    Also, I just got back from a weekend in Vancouver. I took eight pictures of Vancouver and about three thousand pics of clouds on the flight over. I'll probably post something about that yet.

    1. Show previous comments  13 more
    2. TimeOfDeath


      Yo, there's nudity in that, shwing.
      Yo, are you gonna build a retro remake of the winnipeg art museum?
      Yo, flying over the mountains in BC was cool. But if something happens to the plane, you're pretty much effed.

    3. Technician


      Da fuck you talkin' boi?

    4. Kirby


      We didn't really miss you. Although apparently someone else did

  10. The "4" button is upside-down! So wacky.

    1. Show previous comments  14 more
    2. Sharessa


      Snarboo said:

      We are here to protect you, we are here to protect you from the Terrible Secret of Space.


    3. Creaphis


      Technician said:

      We're waiting for a certain someone.

      Yeah, I should have waited for him to show up. BUT THIS ELEVATOR JUST HAS ME SO DAMN EXCITED

    4. geekmarine


      Hey, give him some time. He's probably just too busy masturbating furiously to those pictures to be able to type properly at the moment.

    1. Show previous comments  8 more
    2. Patrick


      You've accomplished helping some random forumite appreciate that no one really needs to know what they're doing, even if they're already 20-25 years young. And also helped this random forumite appreciate the need for a simple life despite the constant pressure GO DO SOMETHING DAMNIT. Happy birthday and just keep chillin'

    3. DuckReconMajor
    4. fraggle


      You're 22? I always imagined you as being older than that.

  11. Yup, here's one.

    Here's another.

    The difference this time is that I'm not prohibiting myself from surfing the internet, or even from surfing Doomworld. I'll probably keep posting here on a semi-regular basis - but, it sure as hell won't be from my home computer, because in a moment I'm going to unplug the network cable from the back of my computer. Then, I'm going to unplug all other cords, leads and wires, separate all items of hardware that make up this computer, and possibly hide them all over the house. I've already uninstalled all of my games and deleted the porn stash I was keeping in my "discrete math" folder. The idea is to make it as difficult as possible for me to make the decision to "fuck it all" and then spend an entire day, or weekend, or weekend-plus-the-two-following-days-of-classes, absorbed in the most foolish and unsatisfying of computerized pursuits, suppressing the urge to pee, the urge to eat, and any and all thoughts pertaining to reality. For some of you, my dismantling my computer may seem like an unnecessarily drastic response, like when AndrewB chopped his balls off, but honestly, my life is in a shambles. Yes, I realize that being depressed an unmotivated is the norm for an aimless student, but I like to think that I bring it to the next level. Also, I've realized that my brain chemistry is not actually to blame for my behaviour, as I think I actually have a naturally positive disposition, but what's suppressing that is an obsession with virtual escapes that passes the clinical test of "addiction" with flying colours. They say that talking about these things is good for you. This is such a lame addiction. I wish I was addicted to something cooler, like cocaine or opium. I was watching an episode of A&E's Intervention and this one girl was addicted to aerosol computer dusters. All I could think was "That is so lame." At least I can live with a can of aerosol computer duster without struggling with temptation.

    1. Show previous comments  17 more
    2. myk


      DuckReconMajor said:
      I was saying that you really don't have any "TV addicts" today.

      Because we got used to it. I bet they didn't have "racial discrimination" back when slavery was commonplace, either.

      Creaphis said:
      Their affliction becomes a part of their identity, and thus they hesitate to give it up. If I would rather consider myself, not as a lazy individual, but as a capable but addicted individual, will I be properly motivated to give up a problem which, while not part of my identity, is the cross which I get to bear?

      Recently I was reading some letters exchanged between Rainer Maria Rilke and Lou Andreas-Salomé and she more or less recommended avoiding a psychoanalytic "healing" of his issues because she judged they were tied to his creativity. In retrospect, given his renown as a writer, she may have been right. Not to say that is your case, but it's smoother to be motivated by something rather than just being bent on avoiding something that motivates one. That is, saying no to something vital is unproductive if there isn't something else to say yes to instead.

      That said, technology nowadays is a pervasively intrusive thing and I don't think it's unwise to be somewhat suspicious of it. The Internet is useful and interesting, but can quickly become something akin to an endless stream of advertisement-ridden zapping ready to overwhelm space in anyone's head.

    3. Creaphis


      myk said:

      Recently I was reading some letters exchanged between Rainer Maria Rilke and Lou Andreas-Salomé and she more or less recommended avoiding a psychoanalytic "healing" of his issues because she judged they were tied to his creativity. In retrospect, given his renown as a writer, she may have been right.

      Interesting. On the other hand, I once came across an analysis of Tchaikovsky's life which argued that his most productive periods were those when he was least troubled by his posthumously-diagnosed bipolar disorder. The relationship between an artist and his affliction and the effect this then has on creative output will certainly vary from individual to individual. In my case, I have nowhere near the requisite levels of genius necessary to trasmute pain into masterpieces so I'm better off just making my happiness the priority.

      myk said:

      That is, saying no to something vital is unproductive if there isn't something else to say yes to instead.

      I'm looking. I'll find it.

    4. Patrick


      I too have the problem of internet addiction, mainly fueld by the fact that my job is mind numblingly boring and I have un-monitored and unrestricted internet access for the duration of my 10 hour shifts.

      I feel the underlying cause is my frustration with my life goals. Ultimately I want to find a career in animation, but getting the proper education and tools to do so is severly impaired by my shitty job and insistence of my parents to do something else ("we'll only pay for your college if you go into engineering")

      So when I feel guilty about trying to do the things I love, or when I don't feel like doing my homework because it isn't helping to accomplish my personal goals (which is all the time in both cases) I have found that a wonderful substitute to dealing with my life's problems involves getting blitzed out of my mind on drugs or surfing the internet (activities which can eat up days of my life when I'm not careful)

      So simply cutting off your proverbial internet balls isn't going to cure you, you'll find something else to fill the void which is equally un-productive. Perhaps it would be more pertinent to find the underlying cause of your problems and resolve those. Besides we'd all miss you too much to let you go for long.

  12. Yeah I really need to de-internet myself for a while again. My brain is doing some weird shit.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. lupinx-Kassman


      I force myself to do this from time to time as well. Having the majority of my classes online doesn't help though.

    3. Kirby



    4. ArmouredBlood


      Kirby said:


      You would be correct sir.

      I find it interesting that the one who some people think is a bot is taking a break ;P come back refreshed.

  13. With all these DOS game threads that are already in this forum I'm going to start my own.

    This recent discussion has inspired me to take a look at some classics I never saw the first time around. I was trying to run Blood yesterday, but what I discovered is that Blood, and presumably many other DOS games of the same era, exist in a sort of gamer's no man's land. Older DOS games can be run on DOSBox with no issues. Newer games are Windows-compatible. But, Blood in DOSBox slows my computer to a crawl. Now, I can actually run Blood on this XP machine with no layer of emulation, with sound, but the sound is very distorted, of course, and it suffers from periodic slowdowns - every 10 seconds it gets jerky for about 2. I remembered reading something about VDMSound and tried it out, and the sound quality problem is fixed, of course, but the slowdowns remain. If I turn sound and music off I can run Blood in XP with no slowdowns, but that's just not good enough. I need to hear Caleb's catch phrases. My sound device is an integrated Realtek ALC 880. The software I have for it seems to be just some flashy demonstration program with no useful settings. I've heard tell of "legacy drivers" but I have not yet found any signs that one exists for the ALC 880.

    Alright Doomworld, strut your stuff.

    1. Show previous comments  8 more
    2. Creaphis


      Krispavera said:

      Did you raise the memsize in the configuration from 16 to 32 (or higher)? That's all I had to do to get Blood working smoothly.


      That, and undoing the apparently counter-productive changes I made to the CPU settings, fixed it!

      Time to enjoy some cheesy low-res gibbing.

    3. Pavera


      Glad I could help. :>

    4. Super Jamie

      Super Jamie

      I find setting cpu and cycles to auto is best for most games, certainly for shooters like Doom and Heretic.

      The DOSBox doco states 16 is the biggest memsize one should use, but that's not always the case.

      I have all the odd soundcards and joysticks and serial ports and other shit I'm not using turned off too.

      If you're using OpenGL for video output, fullscreen will run a hell of a lot more better than windowed.

  14. This song was inspired by a phone, and like a phone, was made to simultaneously hold your attention and aggravate you.


    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Bucket


      WMP11 doesn't know what to do with it.

    3. Super Jamie

      Super Jamie

      I listened to it with the old 8Mb emu10k soundfont.

      It makes me feel like I'm playing one of those "serious business" point-and-click Sierra games of the 90s, like Kings Quest or Quest For Glory. I can just imagine the pixelated ingame cutscenes, complete with characters mouths cycling through their 4 frames of animation while text appears above their heads, telling some melancholy story of an arbitrary princess/item you must rescue/collect.

    4. Creaphis


      Bucket said:

      WMP11 doesn't know what to do with it.

      Weird. It works for me wherever I play it.

      Super Jamie said:

      I listened to it with the old 8Mb emu10k soundfont.

      It makes me feel like I'm playing one of those "serious business" point-and-click Sierra games of the 90s, like Kings Quest or Quest For Glory. I can just imagine the pixelated ingame cutscenes, complete with characters mouths cycling through their 4 frames of animation while text appears above their heads, telling some melancholy story of an arbitrary princess/item you must rescue/collect.

      Ha, interesting.

  15. I've been sitting on this game for a while now. I've never actually played it before, but I've owned it (through Steam's ID Super Pack) for some months so it's time to finally give it a whirl. Now, the reason I haven't already chewed it up and spat it out is because I've always figured I should first upgrade my graphics card from what it currently is: a wiry scab on my motherboard. I never even bothered to install it. Well, that's all turned out to be a complete non-issue. I'm running it at the lowest possible resolution, of course, but when I look out across the opening room, even though I have the detail setting cranked all the way up to medium, my framerate still averages a solid thirteen. Thirty in a dark corner! This is going to be sweet.

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. printz


      I wish the PDA contained more puzzles... You'd think that with so many lost agendas and information, you'd pick up pieces of some astounding side detective story. But no... Just some light inside jokes and the obligatory coded objects.

      I also hated Betruger with deep passion. His repeated appearance and Captain-Obvious evil intent defeated all the remaining horror plot, turning Doom 3 into a Doom 2 with more darkness and different monsters. The almighty Soul Cube helped not. It was no horror game, not even at the core, at least for whoever did play Doom and Doom 2.

      The PDA could have been used for an automap. It's activated by the same key as well. And if Doom 3 had an automap, it could have had better maps as well.

      What were the id guys waiting for for so many years?

    3. Maes


      Never had problems playing it on my box, then again I had set it up in 2005 specifically to be "good enough" for contemporary games, including Doom 3. In details:

      Athlon 64 3200+
      1 GB DDR-400 RAM
      120 GB S-ATA HD
      Ati Radeon 9600 XT (far superior to comparable nVidia cards of the time)

      It did slow down significantly in some areas, but when I played Doom 3 again with updated drivers, the slowdowns didn't reoccur.

      If on the other hand you're trying to pull it off with a TNT2/MX440/5200 then good luck with that...

    4. Cupboard


      I have to say that the first handful of Doom 3 levels are excellent. When you first start, the formula is fresh and exciting. The darkness and sounds are very eerie. As time passes, things get stale and I'm tired of navigating corridor after corridor completing vague and unmemorable objectives. That whole atmosphere created right after all hell breaks loose was very well done. The radio chatter was chaotic and frightening. I understand that id wanted the game to be a "lone survivor" kind of thing, but that just wasn't enjoyable after a while. Once you reach Alpha Labs, the fact sets in that you are just going to be shooting around in the darkness for 15 hours until the game is over.

      Plus it seemed kind of strange that the entire marine force (save Bravo Team) was eliminated after what, an hour and a half? I would expect to find some kind of a lone squad holed up in a storage area or something. But nope, the player never meets anybody else substantial after the fighting starts.

  16. It's an "I'll be back later" post, for the sake of those who may have noticed the Creaphis-shaped hole that's been in this forum for the past month, either to your chagrin or delight. A circuitous explanation follows.

    I'll be the first to admit that my brain doesn't really work as well as it should, particularly in the creative fields. I've already had a few private conversations here on this topic. Essentially, the problem is this: I want to make things that are really good, and, as I've been engorging myself on culture and relentlessly analyzing it for most of my life, I've learned to appraise the quality of ideas and executions. BUT, I haven't been spending my life creating, aside from designing spaceships out of Lego about thirteen years ago, so I don't have any useful experience in actually making anything. This has led to a mental impasse: I am uninterested in making things that are within my ability to make, because I realize they would be average and bland, and I am unable to implement ideas that actually have some uniqueness to them because I don't have the practiced skills to do so.

    I'm talking about my difficulty with making Doom maps, of course (though the above paragraph is accurate if you keep just about any other medium in mind). I've tried a few different things to mediate the standoff. I signed up for a couple community projects; it didn't work. My own personal standards of quality are still higher than I can match, and the pressure to get a large, difficult task completed by a certain date just makes it harder for me to work on it. I wrote this post (warning: it's in post hell now, so mute your speakers or whatever it is you do), to keep me off of these forums, which would hopefully free up some time to actually map something, but this self-imposed hiatus instead just made me realize that Doom is a hell of a lot less important than I thought it was.

    I'm still fascinated by video games as an art form, as they do something that is impossible in any other medium. Books, visual art, graphic novels and film can show you another world. Music and the more abstract species of other media instill in you the emotion of another world. But video games, only video games, allow you to explore another world. I find this fascinating, for escapist reasons, I guess, but it's still fascinating, and I'd like to build such a world before the inevitable catastrophe occurs that once again leaves us bereft of the technological capacity to do so. A simple engine like Doom's is logically the right place to start practicing. But, before I can actually contribute something to the canon I need to learn to free myself of any concern for pleasing others, of any concern for pleasing my own aesthetics, and just try putting things together, the same way I used to build spaceships out of Lego.

    Many of which were very ugly.

    So yeah, I'll be back later. Just in case you care.

    1. Show previous comments  15 more
    2. Sharessa


      Technician said:

      But it wouldn't be Doomworld with out you. It's like removing AndrewB. The whole forum would fall apart like an Italian zombie flick.

      Haha, I feel strangely flattered. Though I don't know how I feel being compared to AndrewB.

    3. kristus


      Creaphis said:

      My own personal standards of quality are still higher than I can match

      I think everyone who's anything will tell you the same. Regardless of how experienced they are.

    4. GreyGhost


      esselfortium said:

      Well, I for one have missed your posts.


      Creaphis said:

      Because all negative stereotypes about atheists are true and in my quest for godhood I've turned towards the notion of achieving mastery over fictional universes.

      I wonder how many times God created Heaven, Earth & etc. - only to scrunch the whole lot into a tiny ball of matter and start over - before being satisfied with the results?

      The creative process can be as circuitous as a game of Snakes and Ladders. You used to build ugly spaceships out of Lego - I'm building an ugly retro computer in Doom Builder. It's not a playable map and may never be finished to my satisfaction, but that doesn't matter. I started it in part to experiment with engine features I'm not familiar with and what I learn in the process might in due course find it's way into a map worthy of Brandon's mighty list.

      Don't be a stranger.

  17. Considering that I just spontaneously developed a new blind spot, about 10 degrees left of straight ahead, as if a segment of my brain responsible for higher processing of visual signals simply ceased working entirely.

    It seems to have rectified itself now, but I must make a note to take better care of my noggin.

    That really freaked me out for a couple minutes - it showed up while reading, and the second-last word I read always had two letters missing from it - in their place, there was white paper.

    So yeah. Wanted to tell somebody. And I'm glad I dodged a bullet, I guess.

    1. Show previous comments  12 more
    2. AndrewB


      It could have been a migraine headache. What you're describing happened to me once a long time ago. Migraines aren't necessarily associated with severe pain.

    3. MaTT [TiK]

      MaTT [TiK]

      Yeah, sounds like it's just a migraine, probably from lack of sleep (guessing by the thread title).

  18. So I'm currently being bothered by a very loud, obnoxious noise from above.

    I think my upstairs neighbours are using a beater bar to vacuum their wooden floor.

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. Coopersville


      When I was living in a duplex with my friends, my neighbours were actually the shit; I have not one complaint. Gay neighbours FTW! But for my friends who have appartments, I have some stories.

      There's my friend, Ryan, and his neighbours:

      - He lives in a corner appartment, so he only has one other appartment beside him. Go figure the people there are crazy. At first it was just a suspicion, but it's now confirmed that they're all coke fiends. They're known for partying on their porch and/or blasting rap music through the walls as late/early as 5AM. He calls them "The Springers", I don't know why, maybe because of their Jerry Springer Show-like antics. They've mellowed out recently, though, so it's more easy to laugh at, now.

      - There's "Crow Solo Guy". He's been practicing guitar for at least as long as I've known Ryan, so two years, but the most complex thing he'll ever play can only equal that of the guitar solo from The Crow. About a year ago, he tried his hand at drums, but that stopped right quick when he thought about practicing at six in the funking morning.

      - This guy we haven't named, but be has a work shop, which I think he a pretty fucked up and unusual thing to have in an appartment. It's pretty strange hearing a tablesaw running in one of the floors below you.

      - This only happened once but the "Generirock Revival Band" (our name) played in one of the back yards outside the appartment a few months ago. We could hear them pretty well. It was some old hippies who, I guess, were having a little comeback tour at this other guy's birthday party. You better believe there was a lot of Nickelback, Pearl Jam, Lynard Skynard, Foreigner, and AC/DC-- And they played for seven freaking hours straight! We were pretty baked this whole time, and watching some shitty old cowboy movies throughout most of this, so it managed to be pretty funny, anyway.

      Ryan's neighbours were at least funny, my ex-girlfriend's were just bad:

      - She and her roommate moved into one of the crappier neighbourhoods in town, because it was cheap. At was a first floor appartment, her patio door didn't lock, and her windows were almost always open, so sleep didn't come easy when I'd actually stay over there. This wasn't helped by the person who living above her, who I imagine was a drug dealer, considering how her phone started ringing from about 6AM until about Midnight. It had the most distinct, loud, annoying ring, too. I swear, if I'm ever dealing crack out of my appartment, out of courtesy, I'm going to buy one of those Zen telephones that use tiny little chimes, so that it doesn't wake my neighbours up. Anyway, this person also owned a giant pitbull, so if the phone wasn't waking me up, it was her dog's giant claws as it zipped around her appartment's hardwood floor.

      - The neighbours on both sides of her were all cocaine and crack addicts. At all hours of the day, we'd hear them screaming bloody murder for whatever reason. To the right were these two fat bitches, whose friends/clients made the most noise. Every once in a while, they'd have the nerve to knock on my ex's door and ask to bum cigarettes, or a light. To the left was this wirey old bitch. She was too busy getting fucked up to pay her bills, so her power was turned off, and she ended up bumming electricity from my ex (via extension chord) for $50.00/month-- this was for two months, until my ex moved out. Eventually, the land lords found out, and made my ex unplug the extension chord (safety regulations, I think), and the neighbour got all pissy at her about it. At least she didn't come at either of us with a broken crack pipe, I guess...

      - There was a whole gang of fat, toothless white trash that would sit in the parking lot and get drunk all day (ever seen the movie Gummo? Yeah, most of the cast were chilling out there), many of which consisted of these gross women with the biggest gunts ever (the main lady we just called "Gunty"). They were seriously ALWAYS out there, of course making tons of noise, especially when they'd get tore up. One night, my ex and her friends actually had a little party of their own, and when one of them let out a huge belch out on the patio, some of parking lot crew bitched him out for it. It actually turned into a pretty big arguement, but due to selective memory, I forgot most of it.

      Anyway, this post wasn't suppose to be this big, but maybe someone will find it funny.

    3. Sharessa


      This thread calls for some Beck...

      [Neighbor 1:] "Come on, motherfucker. Put your clothes on, come on. Asshole!"
      [Neighbor 2:] "You lousy puke!"
      [Neighbor 3:] "Fuck you!"
      [Neighbor 2:] "Why don't you call your mommy?"
      [Neighbor 3:] "You're a fucking drunk."
      [Neighbor 2:] "Yeah, I'm a fucking drunk..."
      [Neighbor 1:] "Come on, motherfucker."
      [Neighbor 2:] "...But you're a lousy lowlife who can't do nothing' for himself."

      Acid casualty with a repossessed car
      Vietnam vet playin' air guitar

      It's just the shit-kickin', speed-takin'
      Truck-drivin' neighbors downstairs

      Whiskey-stained buck-toothed
      Backwards creep
      Grizzly bear motherfucker
      Never goes to sleep

      It's just the shit-kickin', speed-takin'
      Truck-drivin' neighbors downstairs
      Oh, yeah...yeah

      Belly floppin' naked
      In a pool of yellow sweat
      Screaming' jackass with a wet cigarette

      It's just the shit-kickin', speed-takin'
      Truck-drivin' neighbors downstairs

      Oh, my goodness

      Psychotic breakdown double-edged axe
      Growing' hair like a shag rug
      On his greasy back

      It's just the shit-kickin', speed-takin'
      Truck-drivin' neighbors downstairs

      Oh my goodness
      Oh my goodness

      Oh, yeah
      Come on, honey
      Feel the grease, grease, grease
      Come on, honey, feel the grease
      Oh, my goodness
      Come on, honey, feel the grease
      Oh yeah
      Come on, lay it on me
      Bring it down one more time
      Come on, honey...

      Beck - Truckdrivin' Neighbours Downstairs (Yellow Sweat)

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Sharessa


      So they put your name on a space probe...which gets launched at the sun. Yay?

    3. Creaphis


      Danarchy said:

      So they put your name on a space probe...which gets launched at the sun. Yay?

      Hey, there's a chance that your name will be discovered by extra-terrestrials! If they happen to be a partial Earth orbit away from us!

  19. I found a link to this in another thread, which reminded me that when I was, like, eleven I was big into choose-your-own-adventure books. However, instead of reading from the beginning, hitting a couple endings and calling it quits, I developed a system involving numbered bookmarks which allowed me to algorithmically read every branch of the story exactly one time, in order.

    Question: Is this hilarious?


    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. Sharessa


      It's German for "mouse" though.

    3. John Smith

      John Smith

      Creaphis said:

      I remember being told in junior high that MAUS didn't count as books.

      I would question both you or dan as to whether the word they used was "literature" or "books." Quite obviously they are printed materials bound so as to become a book, so if "book" is the actual word they used then these people are retarded. If they used literature though, thats a different animal entirely, depending on how you choose to interpret the meaning of the word. It certainly could be literature in the loosest form of the word, but it isn't literature in the more common use.

    4. Creaphis


      John Smith said:

      it isn't literature in the more common use.

      h8 u