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Creaphis

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  1. So I'm currently being bothered by a very loud, obnoxious noise from above.

    I think my upstairs neighbours are using a beater bar to vacuum their wooden floor.

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. Danarchy

      Danarchy

      My old neighbours were pretty terrible. It was this couple and their daughter. They were either fighting or fucking. Half the time it was the Domestic Violence Comedy Hour with them yelling at each other. My favorite time was the one that included this gem: "I's broken!" "what are you, a fucking doctor?". Then every other night they'd be having the most noisy sex ever in the middle of the night, and their bed was right above my bed. I guess that's taking "kiss and make up" to the extreme. The daughter was a brat too. There were a couple times when I'd be coming home from work and she'd be on the porch with her friends yelling "hey look at the fag!" *giggle*. Couldn't have been more than 10 years old. When we first moved in, they had a small dog that would bark constantly whenever I'd walk across my house.

      After they finally left (I think they finally got a divorce), we got another couple. They went through a phase of playing DDR pretty much all the fucking time, and they apparently placed their pad on the creakiest fucking floorboard in the house. Once they tried playing it at fucking 4 AM, waking me the fuck up. I pounded on the ceiling and they finally stopped. If they had ever attempted that again, I'd have called the damn landlords. They also seem to like watching only movies which are just 90 minutes of explosions, and always Fridays and Saturdays at 11 PM at night (I have to wake up at 6 AM Saturdays and Sundays). The weird fucking thing is that despite me hearing every single word the previous tenants said when they were living above me, I never hear the couple above me say anything EVER. And no sex I've heard either, despite them getting married a few months ago (according to the crap written all over their car). I apparently annoy them whenever I practice my guitar though, because it always sends them into pacing fits. I just consider it revenge for their DDR shenanigans.

      The people living above my mom in her last apartment were pretty weird. They were some family with like a dozen pets and kids. They were usually out I guess, but the mom always stayed home and did laundry and vacuumed. EVERY FUCKING DAY. That's apparently all she ever did, because those sounds were always going. Even on Xmas and Thanksgiving. And at night you could hear the dad yelling at her. Yay.

      Also, there is this (skip to 4:30 for the relevant bit).

    3. Coopersville

      Coopersville

      When I was living in a duplex with my friends, my neighbours were actually the shit; I have not one complaint. Gay neighbours FTW! But for my friends who have appartments, I have some stories.

      There's my friend, Ryan, and his neighbours:

      - He lives in a corner appartment, so he only has one other appartment beside him. Go figure the people there are crazy. At first it was just a suspicion, but it's now confirmed that they're all coke fiends. They're known for partying on their porch and/or blasting rap music through the walls as late/early as 5AM. He calls them "The Springers", I don't know why, maybe because of their Jerry Springer Show-like antics. They've mellowed out recently, though, so it's more easy to laugh at, now.

      - There's "Crow Solo Guy". He's been practicing guitar for at least as long as I've known Ryan, so two years, but the most complex thing he'll ever play can only equal that of the guitar solo from The Crow. About a year ago, he tried his hand at drums, but that stopped right quick when he thought about practicing at six in the funking morning.

      - This guy we haven't named, but be has a work shop, which I think he a pretty fucked up and unusual thing to have in an appartment. It's pretty strange hearing a tablesaw running in one of the floors below you.

      - This only happened once but the "Generirock Revival Band" (our name) played in one of the back yards outside the appartment a few months ago. We could hear them pretty well. It was some old hippies who, I guess, were having a little comeback tour at this other guy's birthday party. You better believe there was a lot of Nickelback, Pearl Jam, Lynard Skynard, Foreigner, and AC/DC-- And they played for seven freaking hours straight! We were pretty baked this whole time, and watching some shitty old cowboy movies throughout most of this, so it managed to be pretty funny, anyway.


      Ryan's neighbours were at least funny, my ex-girlfriend's were just bad:

      - She and her roommate moved into one of the crappier neighbourhoods in town, because it was cheap. At was a first floor appartment, her patio door didn't lock, and her windows were almost always open, so sleep didn't come easy when I'd actually stay over there. This wasn't helped by the person who living above her, who I imagine was a drug dealer, considering how her phone started ringing from about 6AM until about Midnight. It had the most distinct, loud, annoying ring, too. I swear, if I'm ever dealing crack out of my appartment, out of courtesy, I'm going to buy one of those Zen telephones that use tiny little chimes, so that it doesn't wake my neighbours up. Anyway, this person also owned a giant pitbull, so if the phone wasn't waking me up, it was her dog's giant claws as it zipped around her appartment's hardwood floor.

      - The neighbours on both sides of her were all cocaine and crack addicts. At all hours of the day, we'd hear them screaming bloody murder for whatever reason. To the right were these two fat bitches, whose friends/clients made the most noise. Every once in a while, they'd have the nerve to knock on my ex's door and ask to bum cigarettes, or a light. To the left was this wirey old bitch. She was too busy getting fucked up to pay her bills, so her power was turned off, and she ended up bumming electricity from my ex (via extension chord) for $50.00/month-- this was for two months, until my ex moved out. Eventually, the land lords found out, and made my ex unplug the extension chord (safety regulations, I think), and the neighbour got all pissy at her about it. At least she didn't come at either of us with a broken crack pipe, I guess...

      - There was a whole gang of fat, toothless white trash that would sit in the parking lot and get drunk all day (ever seen the movie Gummo? Yeah, most of the cast were chilling out there), many of which consisted of these gross women with the biggest gunts ever (the main lady we just called "Gunty"). They were seriously ALWAYS out there, of course making tons of noise, especially when they'd get tore up. One night, my ex and her friends actually had a little party of their own, and when one of them let out a huge belch out on the patio, some of parking lot crew bitched him out for it. It actually turned into a pretty big arguement, but due to selective memory, I forgot most of it.

      Anyway, this post wasn't suppose to be this big, but maybe someone will find it funny.

    4. Danarchy

      Danarchy

      This thread calls for some Beck...

      [Neighbor 1:] "Come on, motherfucker. Put your clothes on, come on. Asshole!"
      [Neighbor 2:] "You lousy puke!"
      [Neighbor 3:] "Fuck you!"
      [Neighbor 2:] "Why don't you call your mommy?"
      [Neighbor 3:] "You're a fucking drunk."
      [Neighbor 2:] "Yeah, I'm a fucking drunk..."
      [Neighbor 1:] "Come on, motherfucker."
      [Neighbor 2:] "...But you're a lousy lowlife who can't do nothing' for himself."


      Acid casualty with a repossessed car
      Vietnam vet playin' air guitar

      It's just the shit-kickin', speed-takin'
      Truck-drivin' neighbors downstairs
      Yeah...yeah

      Whiskey-stained buck-toothed
      Backwards creep
      Grizzly bear motherfucker
      Never goes to sleep

      It's just the shit-kickin', speed-takin'
      Truck-drivin' neighbors downstairs
      Oh, yeah...yeah

      Belly floppin' naked
      In a pool of yellow sweat
      Screaming' jackass with a wet cigarette

      It's just the shit-kickin', speed-takin'
      Truck-drivin' neighbors downstairs

      Oh
      Oh, my goodness
      Oh...
      Mmm...

      Psychotic breakdown double-edged axe
      Growing' hair like a shag rug
      On his greasy back

      It's just the shit-kickin', speed-takin'
      Truck-drivin' neighbors downstairs

      Oh my goodness
      Oh my goodness

      Oh, yeah
      Come on, honey
      Feel the grease, grease, grease
      Come on, honey, feel the grease
      Oh, my goodness
      Come on, honey, feel the grease
      Oh yeah
      Come on, lay it on me
      Bring it down one more time
      Come on, honey...


      Beck - Truckdrivin' Neighbours Downstairs (Yellow Sweat)

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