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About Creaphis

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  1. It's an "I'll be back later" post, for the sake of those who may have noticed the Creaphis-shaped hole that's been in this forum for the past month, either to your chagrin or delight. A circuitous explanation follows.

    I'll be the first to admit that my brain doesn't really work as well as it should, particularly in the creative fields. I've already had a few private conversations here on this topic. Essentially, the problem is this: I want to make things that are really good, and, as I've been engorging myself on culture and relentlessly analyzing it for most of my life, I've learned to appraise the quality of ideas and executions. BUT, I haven't been spending my life creating, aside from designing spaceships out of Lego about thirteen years ago, so I don't have any useful experience in actually making anything. This has led to a mental impasse: I am uninterested in making things that are within my ability to make, because I realize they would be average and bland, and I am unable to implement ideas that actually have some uniqueness to them because I don't have the practiced skills to do so.

    I'm talking about my difficulty with making Doom maps, of course (though the above paragraph is accurate if you keep just about any other medium in mind). I've tried a few different things to mediate the standoff. I signed up for a couple community projects; it didn't work. My own personal standards of quality are still higher than I can match, and the pressure to get a large, difficult task completed by a certain date just makes it harder for me to work on it. I wrote this post (warning: it's in post hell now, so mute your speakers or whatever it is you do), to keep me off of these forums, which would hopefully free up some time to actually map something, but this self-imposed hiatus instead just made me realize that Doom is a hell of a lot less important than I thought it was.

    I'm still fascinated by video games as an art form, as they do something that is impossible in any other medium. Books, visual art, graphic novels and film can show you another world. Music and the more abstract species of other media instill in you the emotion of another world. But video games, only video games, allow you to explore another world. I find this fascinating, for escapist reasons, I guess, but it's still fascinating, and I'd like to build such a world before the inevitable catastrophe occurs that once again leaves us bereft of the technological capacity to do so. A simple engine like Doom's is logically the right place to start practicing. But, before I can actually contribute something to the canon I need to learn to free myself of any concern for pleasing others, of any concern for pleasing my own aesthetics, and just try putting things together, the same way I used to build spaceships out of Lego.

    Many of which were very ugly.

    So yeah, I'll be back later. Just in case you care.

    1. Show previous comments  15 more
    2. Danarchy


      Technician said:

      But it wouldn't be Doomworld with out you. It's like removing AndrewB. The whole forum would fall apart like an Italian zombie flick.

      Haha, I feel strangely flattered. Though I don't know how I feel being compared to AndrewB.

    3. kristus


      Creaphis said:

      My own personal standards of quality are still higher than I can match

      I think everyone who's anything will tell you the same. Regardless of how experienced they are.

    4. GreyGhost


      esselfortium said:

      Well, I for one have missed your posts.


      Creaphis said:

      Because all negative stereotypes about atheists are true and in my quest for godhood I've turned towards the notion of achieving mastery over fictional universes.

      I wonder how many times God created Heaven, Earth & etc. - only to scrunch the whole lot into a tiny ball of matter and start over - before being satisfied with the results?

      The creative process can be as circuitous as a game of Snakes and Ladders. You used to build ugly spaceships out of Lego - I'm building an ugly retro computer in Doom Builder. It's not a playable map and may never be finished to my satisfaction, but that doesn't matter. I started it in part to experiment with engine features I'm not familiar with and what I learn in the process might in due course find it's way into a map worthy of Brandon's mighty list.

      Don't be a stranger.