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Creaphis

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  1. Yup, here's one.

    Here's another.

    The difference this time is that I'm not prohibiting myself from surfing the internet, or even from surfing Doomworld. I'll probably keep posting here on a semi-regular basis - but, it sure as hell won't be from my home computer, because in a moment I'm going to unplug the network cable from the back of my computer. Then, I'm going to unplug all other cords, leads and wires, separate all items of hardware that make up this computer, and possibly hide them all over the house. I've already uninstalled all of my games and deleted the porn stash I was keeping in my "discrete math" folder. The idea is to make it as difficult as possible for me to make the decision to "fuck it all" and then spend an entire day, or weekend, or weekend-plus-the-two-following-days-of-classes, absorbed in the most foolish and unsatisfying of computerized pursuits, suppressing the urge to pee, the urge to eat, and any and all thoughts pertaining to reality. For some of you, my dismantling my computer may seem like an unnecessarily drastic response, like when AndrewB chopped his balls off, but honestly, my life is in a shambles. Yes, I realize that being depressed an unmotivated is the norm for an aimless student, but I like to think that I bring it to the next level. Also, I've realized that my brain chemistry is not actually to blame for my behaviour, as I think I actually have a naturally positive disposition, but what's suppressing that is an obsession with virtual escapes that passes the clinical test of "addiction" with flying colours. They say that talking about these things is good for you. This is such a lame addiction. I wish I was addicted to something cooler, like cocaine or opium. I was watching an episode of A&E's Intervention and this one girl was addicted to aerosol computer dusters. All I could think was "That is so lame." At least I can live with a can of aerosol computer duster without struggling with temptation.

    1. Show previous comments  17 more
    2. myk

      myk

      DuckReconMajor said:
      I was saying that you really don't have any "TV addicts" today.

      Because we got used to it. I bet they didn't have "racial discrimination" back when slavery was commonplace, either.

      Creaphis said:
      Their affliction becomes a part of their identity, and thus they hesitate to give it up. If I would rather consider myself, not as a lazy individual, but as a capable but addicted individual, will I be properly motivated to give up a problem which, while not part of my identity, is the cross which I get to bear?

      Recently I was reading some letters exchanged between Rainer Maria Rilke and Lou Andreas-Salomé and she more or less recommended avoiding a psychoanalytic "healing" of his issues because she judged they were tied to his creativity. In retrospect, given his renown as a writer, she may have been right. Not to say that is your case, but it's smoother to be motivated by something rather than just being bent on avoiding something that motivates one. That is, saying no to something vital is unproductive if there isn't something else to say yes to instead.

      That said, technology nowadays is a pervasively intrusive thing and I don't think it's unwise to be somewhat suspicious of it. The Internet is useful and interesting, but can quickly become something akin to an endless stream of advertisement-ridden zapping ready to overwhelm space in anyone's head.

    3. Creaphis

      Creaphis

      myk said:

      Recently I was reading some letters exchanged between Rainer Maria Rilke and Lou Andreas-Salomé and she more or less recommended avoiding a psychoanalytic "healing" of his issues because she judged they were tied to his creativity. In retrospect, given his renown as a writer, she may have been right.


      Interesting. On the other hand, I once came across an analysis of Tchaikovsky's life which argued that his most productive periods were those when he was least troubled by his posthumously-diagnosed bipolar disorder. The relationship between an artist and his affliction and the effect this then has on creative output will certainly vary from individual to individual. In my case, I have nowhere near the requisite levels of genius necessary to trasmute pain into masterpieces so I'm better off just making my happiness the priority.

      myk said:

      That is, saying no to something vital is unproductive if there isn't something else to say yes to instead.


      I'm looking. I'll find it.

    4. Patrick

      Patrick

      I too have the problem of internet addiction, mainly fueld by the fact that my job is mind numblingly boring and I have un-monitored and unrestricted internet access for the duration of my 10 hour shifts.

      I feel the underlying cause is my frustration with my life goals. Ultimately I want to find a career in animation, but getting the proper education and tools to do so is severly impaired by my shitty job and insistence of my parents to do something else ("we'll only pay for your college if you go into engineering")

      So when I feel guilty about trying to do the things I love, or when I don't feel like doing my homework because it isn't helping to accomplish my personal goals (which is all the time in both cases) I have found that a wonderful substitute to dealing with my life's problems involves getting blitzed out of my mind on drugs or surfing the internet (activities which can eat up days of my life when I'm not careful)

      So simply cutting off your proverbial internet balls isn't going to cure you, you'll find something else to fill the void which is equally un-productive. Perhaps it would be more pertinent to find the underlying cause of your problems and resolve those. Besides we'd all miss you too much to let you go for long.

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