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Shadow Dweller

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About Shadow Dweller

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  1. i have come to the conclusion that i shall post here parts of the story, seeking advice (all you writers out there may be able to offer some opinions). Note: i am trying to keep it clean as far as language goes. any opinion that can help me will be appreciated. there may typos as i wrote most of this at night.

    now before i start and possibly make my self look like a babbling fool
    would you like to read it from the beginning so you can get the idea of what is going on yourself or do you want me to cut to the chase and tell you what the point of it?

    i do not know what will come of this, but we shall soon find out...

    1. Show previous comments  10 more
    2. Danarchy

      Danarchy

      1) The present-tense narration is really weird. It could be good if done properly, but it comes off a little stilted and odd in this instance. Laso, choose present-tense or past-tense, not both, It gets too confusing.

      2) Prologues are supposed to grab the reader's attention, not to be boring setups. Of course, this bit actually seems more interesting than the other bit, so I dunno what you mean by "long, boring, and really long" aside from possibly being from the Department of Redundancy Department.

      3) If it's gonna be a creepy story set out in the middle of the woods in New Jersey, make it somewhere in the Pine Barrens instead of "unknown location". Just a suggestion for flavor there. :P

    3. GooberMan

      GooberMan

      Danarchy said:

      2) Prologues are supposed to grab the reader's attention, not to be boring setups.

      To go one further than that, prologues are supposed to be not necessary to the story, but enhance it if you choose to read it. Character motivations and necessary background detail should be stated in the story as it's necessary instead of dumping it all somewhere and hoping the reader can make sense of it all.

      The story isn't very descriptive, even with some updated stuff. It's like you tried to write a movie script instead of a story.

      EDIT: heh, I wrote that last paragraph before I read Dan's first post properly. General consensus FTW!

    4. Shadow Dweller

      Shadow Dweller

      1) The present-tense narration is really weird. It could be good if done properly, but it comes off a little stilted and odd in this instance. Laso, choose present-tense or past-tense, not both, It gets too confusing.


      like i said, a lot of this was done at night, so there will be things like that. it is past-tense though.

      2) Prologues are supposed to grab the reader's attention, not to be boring setups. Of course, this bit actually seems more interesting than the other bit, so I dunno what you mean by "long, boring, and really long" aside from possibly being from the Department of Redundancy Department.


      i know, i'll see what i can do about action. "long, boring, and really long" was my personal overview of it compared to the rest of what i have of the story.

      3) If it's gonna be a creepy story set out in the middle of the woods in New Jersey, make it somewhere in the Pine Barrens instead of "unknown location". Just a suggestion for flavor there. :P


      many orginal idea was to have the readers imagination take care of minor things like which forest it is in; but Pine Barrens will do. thanks.

      To go one further than that, prologues are supposed to be not necessary to the story, but enhance it if you choose to read it. Character motivations and necessary background detail should be stated in the story as it's necessary instead of dumping it all somewhere and hoping the reader can make sense of it all.


      the idea of the prologue was to help the reader gain an idea of what is and what might happen. maybe i should set all my chapter back and start chapter one as the prologue perhaps? i'll look it over and see what i can do. for now i would like to wait for some more opinions to help narrow down what i need to do.

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