Single Status Update
Going out and meeting new persons I said I will do, and meeting new persons I did, in this week. Check this out:
So, I was eatin' at the students' restaurant when this cute black girl came sitting in front of me with TWO dishes of foodstuff and starts eating away at the first one...so I thought that two dishes are a good conversation opener. After I worked my body language magic poking fun at the two dishes, she also laughed and we introduced ourselves...turned out she was an Erasmus student from France.
OK, no problem with meeting...we started chatting...damn, did she talk a fucking lot. First hint: after 6 months of being in Greece in a major town chock-full of students, she didn't speak a word of it and had problems even with the alphabet. By comparison, two of her Erasmus friends I met later on were in Greece for the same period and obviously had given much more of a damn about learning the language. Not judging a book by its cover yet, but just saying #1.
Anyway, the conversation somehow turned to how she was now living in a student dorm, and only now, in mid term with just 6 months to go she decided she prefers renting her own space....ok right.
But guess what, without being able to speak a word of Greek, she couldn't even walk into a real estate agent and ask (and apparently her acquaintances couldn't/hadn't helped her), plus after 6 months of living in a big city she couldn't orient herself around major roads all around the campus zone. Not judging a book by its cover yet, but just saying #2.
Since I had the afternoon free, I agreed to help her out (which included both finding the agencies and translating/mediating for her).
Now, she's in a quite disadvantaged position for finding a house because:
- She's a foreigner
- Wants a house just for 5 months (that alone is a major turnoff for agents and house owners, because of overhead costs of reconnecting gas/electricity/water etc. so they opt for 1-2 years minimum. or the very least put a premium on the price).
- She didn't want to pay more than 220-250 Eur/month (which is reasonable to expect but not at this time of the year and for just 6 months).
- She wanted the house to be fully furnished...again, hard to come by at that price and at this time period, considering that most house owners rent to families/students/military who bring most of their furniture in.
Surprisingly, she was lucky enough to find such a house at the 2nd agency we walked in, but she didn't like the agent's "attitude" for some reason and told me that yeah, she'll walk all the way up a hill to go see the house but reject it no matter what, which she did (she made up a lame excuse about bed sheets not being supplied). She also lashed out at me for pointing out that usually only organized dorms and hotels provide sheets, not free-market apartments for rent. Heaven forbid! Not judging a book by its cover yet, but just saying #3.
Whoah, wait, you suddenly get more help at your disposal than you got until now, and you turn it down like that? I was so tempted to tell her the saying about the cow that kicks its own bucket of milk, but I kept it to myself...Not judging a book by its cover yet, but just saying #4.
After that, we walked back to my house (heh) where we chatted for some time (later I discovered that she had been offended by that conversation) and I drove her back home. And that was on day #1. Wow.
We met a few times the next day -BTW, all times we set an appointment, including the very first day to check out houses she was always late- and it turned out she had lost her electronic badge and gloves from a purse that had an open top. She thought that she has been pickpocketed (or pickpursed?) on the bus and when I tried to even hint that maybe, MAYBE she might, possibly have lost it in some other circumstance, she snapped about how "when I say something, it's this way, you are not listening, just like when I told you about the sheets ^^^^" etc. Plus, her monthly bus ticket had expired, and after 6 months, she had no idea where those were issued. I felt like I was married to her for 20 years, at that moment. Anyway...that was near the end of Day #2.
By that time, she had given me the impression (mark the choice of words, it's important) of being a kinda sloppy, prissy, fussy and arrogant person who couldn't take "no" for an answer, ever, and even kind of manipulative/opportunistic yet self-destructive for taking advantage of my -relative- kindness and negating the results. Not judging a book by its cover yet, but just saying #5.
The next day we met at the restaurant again, where I met her Erasmus friends (already described above). I couldn't help but compare how much more easygoing, integrated, organized and in general, knowing of their shit and bearings they were compared to her, despite being exactly the same time in Greece (and with a planned staying time of just 6 months, instead of 1 year).
Anyway, I had told her that an apartment near me was up for rent. The price was within her threshold, the zone was good (near unis), but and I fucking emphasized this it was unfurnished, however I could help her find furniture (it's really easy and if you're even a bit ghetto, even free, plus I had acquaintances with extra furniture).
After she showing up late -of course- for the appointment with the real estate guy, she saw the house, liked the space, but fucking lashed out on me because of the fucking furniture, telling me I didn't listen to her ^^^^^^ read above - just like with the damn sheets (she sure kept mentioning those imaginary, hypothetical sheets a lot). Well, sorry princess.
After that, we went back to my apartment where we were unexpectedly comfortable and got to learn a few more personal things about each other (e.g. that she had a boyfriend back in France).
I even prepared dinner for both of us, but in the middle of the dinner I made what -in my view- was a joking, light-hearted question: "How do your friends and boyfriend put up with you? :-)". Well, that was it. She fucking snapped and told me I don't have the right to judge her since I don't even know her. Fair enough, I say, but you can't deny that I can form an initial impression of you, which has been so and so. I was really curious to hear what her friends thought of her. To make a long story short, she didn't have the wits/humour/leeway/tolerance/comprehension/easygoingness/will/whatever to overcome her hurt pride(?) and attempt a honest answer.
Instead she lashed out on me, especially when I told her that I'm used to people telling them their opinion of me upfront and pointing me at my mistakes directly (which is true, due to the environments I grew up/worked/studied/competed/served in), and I expect everyone to be as receptive. She practically just short of called me a monster :-p ^^^^^^^ Check out previous days. Hurray for gratitude!
Fortunately, she had to go for another appointment where I drove her to (and she surprisingly calmed down all of a sudden and even began friendly chit-chatting all over again). Anyway, I had some last pills of wisdom to administer her and I told her that she needs to familiarize with the concepts of diplomacy, reaching compromise, giving some rope, giving some leeway, thinking about later good if she's to expect getting any help/sympathy/getting deals closed etc. in the future.
I don't know if I will ever see her again (I don't exclude that she may turn to me for some favor), I sure won't be calling her again.
THe most disturbing aspect of this experience is that I'm feeling drained and tired as if I was married to her for 40 years... I sincerely wonder how her boyfriend can keep such a person at bay: he's worthy of either awe or complete pity. I can only imagine that he's bullying, overwhelming and insensitive as a rock to quell her mercurial outbursts, or he must weigh each and every one of his words and actions with a fucking micro-scale in order not to displease her in any way. I wouldn't want to do either.
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Compassion isn't a flaw.
When it has the chance to affect one this negatively, yes it is.
Much like the complete users geo writes about, if Maes persevered with this chick he'd end up stressed, unhappy, wasting his time, possibly wasting his money and building a reputation with professionals (like the realestate agents mentioned above) as a difficult time-waster which could affect him negatively in his own personal endeavours later on.
I'm all for compassion and effort spent helping people who are appreciative of it. That's a charitable and kind situation of fortunate people helping the less fortunate and often ends up a mutually rewarding experience for all.
But there really does come a time where you need to cut useless, undeserving, ungrateful people loose. Not doing so, to your own detriment, is a flaw.
Meh, I've moved on pretty quickly with that one, and now I have the opportunity of spending my time with far more quality people.
Just one last anecdote: when I met her friends at the restaurant, we started chatting immediately since they knew my language, and what's more they both knew Italian -one was actually Italian and the other from FYROM-, and the climate between us was friendly and relaxed...well save for little Miss Black Princess over there. I'd give her some cred here because she obviously felt excluded, even temporarily...but WTF, was I supposed to feel bad about her not knowing a word of Greek AS A FUCKING ERASMUS STUDENT ON HER MID-TERM?!
I'd pass on that, if it wasn't for the fact that later she started mumbling something about how I shouldn't be "hitting on her friends". She didn't actually say that, but that's what she meant. She actually said something like "I just introduced them to you, you can't talk to them like that". "Like that" means just chit-chatting about how they're called, what do they do, if they enjoy Greece, where do they come from etc.
Perhaps what got on her nerves is that in the end they asked me to read them their horoscopes from a magazine (they couldn't read it quite well themselves), but Miss Black Princess apparently hated horoscopes, and nervously stood to the side. She even got more hostile when me and her friends proposed that I read hers too...she then assumed a prissy attitude and proclaimed that "she doesn't believe in that stuff and doesn't want to hear it".
May none of you have to deal with anything like that, ever.
- She's a foreigner