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About Insomniak

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    Doesn't Sleep!

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  1. Is there truly any finer breakfast sandwich?

    Seriously. Here in Canada, the Sausage McMuffin (served at McDonalds from 6 am to 10 am, 11 in some places) is one of the best ways to kick off a day for me, and on so many levels: Budget, taste, replication, energy, and memory.

    Memory, you ask? when I was 13 I went on a whitewater rafting trip with my family. that morning, my mother insisted that, while I was not hungry, I should have something to fill my stomach for the long drive to Sundre. She managed to fit a glass of milk (blech!) and a NutraGrain bar in me before we left.

    I found out the hard way that very morning that I was lactose intolerant. Without going into details, there was no way I could keep down that milk in a fast moving rental van on the QE2 freeway. After we cleaned up the mess, we stopped at a Wal-Mart with the built in McDonalds, and my sick, shamed person was comforted by Sausage McMuffins. Hot, dense food with nothing harsh like egg, milk, citric acid, or caffeine.

    Similarly, when I was in junior high I had to have a blood test, and I had an intense fear of needles (thanks alot, Star Trek: First Contact). Anyways, I had managed to get myself through the grueling process (to date I havn't had to have another blood test), and afterwards my dad took me to the McDonalds drive through for quick ood that would help me rebuild blood cells, similar to the cookie and orange juice you insane people get after you...ugh...voluntarily give blood to the blood bank.

    Financially: In Canada, Sausage McMuffins are included on the Extra Value Menu at $1.39 CDN (working out to $1.23 USD) + 6% GST. This is a bargain for what some would consider swill, but what I consider delicious

    Substance: My sister, Sarah, worked at the local McDonalds for under a year, the only job so far that she was able to hold. She was still naive and in high school, so I don't blame her for not knowing many of the internet-supported rumors I loved taunting her with. That McDonalds clearcuts Brazillian rainforest to convert the valuable real estate into cattle ranches and slaughterhouses, that they keep their chickens in battery cages and de-beak them mechanically, feeding them a cornucopia of antibiotics and fertilization drugs to (try to) keep them healthy in their own waste and so they can make their egg quota (more on why I don't like the egg part later). That McDonalds employees jizz in the secret sauce.

    Fact is, the sausage mcmuffin has only 4 parts: the toasted english muffin, some margarine the pork sausage patty, and a slice of american cheese, not the crappy Kraft Singles slices. the pork is of higher quality than what you get at Dennys, A&W, hell even the cafeterian and the bar & grill here at the college don't have sausage patties this good. Pork's a little roughly chopped compared to a pack of frozen Maple Leaf storebought ones, but they're both distributed by Sysco Inc. Only difference is packaging.

    Now the $1.39 doesn't come with egg, If you can call it egg. Don't get me wrong, eggs are an important food, and essential to many kinds of cooking (cakes, merangues, sauces and mayonaise), but when it comes to being a staple of breakfast, I only like my eggs 2 ways: scrambled and in omlettes. Fried, poached, soft boiled, florentine, all of those don't mix well with my pallete. Hard boiled eggs are time intensive and take too long to cool.

    Edit: shit, I posted this too soon by accident.

    The egg part of an Egg McMuffin (the bacon variety or so-called "canadian bacon" is inferior to the overall sodium and flavour of the sausage patty) or a Sausage McMuffin with egg is usually rubbery, undercooked in the centre, and has the yolk all mixed in with the white. Egg yolk in all it's cooked forms is pretty much disgusting on it's own, the roots of my distaste being a passover supper I once attended were egg yolk was one of the symbolic foods I had to eat.

    And it's easy to make one of these bad boys at home. Not identical to the product you get at McDicks, but nonetheless fulfilling. a bag of english muffins, some "I Can't Beleive It's Not Butter" spray (yes, it's what they use), a box of relitivly lean sausage patties, and some square slices of american cheese (again, NOT Kraft Singles, I can't stress this enough, those godawful things have 1/4 cup milk in them).

    So ends my tyrade on the only good food that McDonalds serves. While i'm not sure how they treat their pig farmers, or the pigs in general (ever seen The Meatrix?), the end product is the kind of fuel I need and a bargain price. My daily cycling across town more than burns off the fat and carbohydrates I consume, and the McDonalds is less than a mile away from the campus.

    Go get one. you'll be glad you did.

    1. Show previous comments  29 more
    2. Technician


      There are people who do not like cheese!?

    3. Danarchy


      AndrewB said:

      As a matter of fact, they involve pole-vaulting oranges, dancing/swirling letters (corn-based), and swan dives into huge vats of milk.

      AndrewB lives in a cereal commercial.

      Anyway, whenever I have parties with my friends we get a veggie platter and a few bags of chips. THe veggie platter is always the first thing to go. We usually have someone cooking something wholesome too. Of course, me and my friends are pretty weird. We have Halloween parties involving pumpkin carving contests and stuff.

    4. Lizardcommando


      The only breakfast sandwich I ever liked was the bacon, egg and cheese McGriddle sandwich.