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Insomniak

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  1. Return of the Jedi is, in my opinion, the 2nd worst film in the Star Wars cannon. Only the shear badness of The Phantom Menace can top it.

    Essentally, the film can be divided into 3 sections:

    1. Jabba's Palace
    2. Endor & the fucking Ewoks
    3. Luke, Vader, and da Emperor on the Death Star.

    Part 1 is the most impressive, and the most rewarding. It also had the highest budget. The puppets for Jabba, the Max Rebo Band, and the Rancor are awesome, the sets are great (the palace, the sand barge, and the rancor pit), and yes, we get the best Boba Fett fix, but it has it's share of cheesiness. With the exception of the well-choreographed sand barge fight, Luke comes off as an arrogant tool, giving ultimatums and dicking around. There's a few good scenes, like Han and Chewie in the cell together, the droid torture chamber, and R2D2's fun little moments of heroism on the barge, but these are outweighed by bad scenes like the STUPID Max Rebo Band performance (made even worse by extending it in the re-released version), that annoying monkey-lizard thing with the laugh, and Leia's tastelessly skimpy slave girl outfit.

    Then there's 2 brief sections in the middle. Luke on Dagobah, where Yoda confirms that Vader is indeed Luke's father, and then dies (Yoda was so fucking cool in TESP, and kids loved him), and then Alec Guinness does his force ghost thing to clue in Luke. You can just see the hatred of the whole franchise in Guinness's face when he does this scene, it's very deus ex machine to me. The second brief section is the planning for the Death Star assault, where we meet at least 3 new characters without any exposition (Admiral "It's a Trap" Ackbar, Mon Mothma, and General Crix Madine, who at least Dark Forces and Darksaber gave some more depth into this guy).

    Parts 2 and 3 happen at the same time, and annoyingly cut between both with bad editing (the soft wipes in ANH and ESP, hell, even in the prequal trilogy, were alot more aesthetically tasteful then these hard cuts). Part 2 is only good for the speedbike chase, which used some cool steadycam work. What ruins it is those damn Ewoks, which, when compared to the advanced puppetry in Jabba's Palace, seem hilariously low budget and cheesy. The attack on the imperial shield bunker is pretty bad too, with these furry little bastards overrunning it with sticks and stones. Do you really expect me to believe this shit, Lucas?

    Part 3, Luke vs. Vader, would be the best part of the movie for me if it wern't for The Emperor's lousy acting. Sure, when you first saw it, long before the prequel trilogy came out, he seemed pretty imposing and frighteningly ugly, but in retrospect, all he does is sit around, brooding and taunting Luke. Family Guy was right to mock this scene with the "something something something Ultimate Power..." flashback. The set is awesome, very dark, mechanical, and with cool lighting, especially when Luke's hiding from Vader.

    There's another thing, too. When Luke surrenders to Vader on Endor and they take the shuttle back up to the Death Star, I can't help but wonder what they talked about on the trip. The conversation probably went something like this:


    Luke: So, you're really my father then, eh?

    Vader: That's right.

    L: Okey. Then who was my mother?

    V. Queen Amidala of Naboo.

    L: No shit? What happened to her?

    V: I killed her, or at least that's what my master told me.

    L: You bastard. Why do you put up with that old freak anyways.

    V: You don't know the power of da Dark Side.

    L: Yeah, uh huh, whatever. So what's up with that suit?

    V: I need it to live.

    L: Why, what happened?

    V: Obi Wan tried to kill me...

    L: Yeah, Right. More like you tried to kill Obi Wan, but got pwned, isn't that right?

    V: ...

    L: So what do those buttons on your chest do?

    V: They control my life support systems.

    L: Really? What does this one do? *click*

    And so on and so on.

    Of course, the climatic scene of this whole movie is when Luke removes Vader's mask, which i'm pretty sure if you were seeing this movie for the first time, on drugs, you would freak out and run out of the theatre screaming. From the very beginning, Vader was such an imposing figure. If you were watching ANH for the first time, up until Like meets Obi Wan, you don't even know if Vader is human or not. He could be an alien or a robot for all you know, which gives him that great mysterious feel. Removing the mask, while dramatic, is sort of a letdown. With all these imperial officers running around in the cargo bay, panicking because a huge freakin' Super Star Destroyer just plowed into the station, you'd think one of them would've noticed some kid in black hauling Lord Vader's body down some halls and onto a shuttle.

    Despite it's big budget scenes, Princess Leia in a metal thong, and a sense of closure, ROTJ is still one of the weakest entries in the Star Wars franchise. It's almost like they ran out of money halfway through and had to resort on midgets in fursuits to finish it off.

    1. Show previous comments  20 more
    2. Carnevil

      Carnevil

      Linguica said:

      <YT clip>

      Absolutely hysterical.

      Also, ROTJ rules.

    3. Danarchy

      Danarchy

      And then there is my personal favorite...

    4. fraggle
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