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shadowheart

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  1. TRue story

    Last summer 2005

    I was accidentally involved with satanic group that were under propaganda of peace ... lucierfians... i was listening to this radio online, i was desperate after solutions in life.. i needed fullfilment spirituality..

    4 years earlier

    i had mentall problems from before , i locked my door at night before sleep ebcause i had complexion about thinking my dad would rape me when i was at sleep , these strange toughts came from nowhere.. was it implanted in my head? demons?
    2 years earlier

    We lived in this war time house that had been there since ww 2 .. old rust house, really scary. However my mind was still pure i had not seen or heard alot of dark thigns in my life , i was still very pure i miss those days .. they are all gone.. in that house i experienced 3 encounters with shadow lik ebeings... one early morning a child shaodw came across myroom putt its finger down my navel so hard i fainted from pain...
    i remmember also that every night my mother used to go down stairs to wach my grandmother at midnight, i would hear her footsteps... only that one night i was going to check out if she was tehre .. tehre was no one in teh stairs the steps was made but there was no one making them...
    did that have connection with my strange obssesive toughts of my father raping me? why did i have these kinds of toughts.. if i alow myself i will have them again

    over 6 years in teh future

    last summer 2005 hell broke loose in one second.. but it had happened gradually during 21 years .. i am 23 years now...
    I told u had started lsitening to this satanic god forsaken group online.. luciferianisms... strange guy with sadistic complex .. luring people into his own "teachings" .. using gothia deamons...
    quesiton is .. did i summon a deamon into myself ?

    summer 2005
    hell in seconds

    i was visiting our family .. and at the time i had already began becoming obsessed with things.. and anxty , they say this happens when u summon deamons into you... myth? its ahrd for me to dispatch since i am proof. It gradually got worse and worse ... suddenly in matters of seconds i felt my head was overflown with toughts it was going to explode litrelly .. i felt like something was ovveriding my toughts and feelnigs ... soon i was ridden with pain phsyical pain in my chest and extreme confusion and disatachment from the world arround me

    i would get pain from anything even by looking at obects non living objects.. i would see danger and foult in eveything.. i had pain no one can believe ...

    went into the asylium.. took antipshycotics ... nightmare...

    am i free from hell today? no... i dont have any feelings now. .. its been over a year and i havent been anywhere nar normal.. there were poitns where i had to run arround litrelly 24 hours just to be able to keep up with the pain ... at one point i was in a state of no function i had no function as if my brain had stopped ...

    teh pain is still here... i have no feelings... i just want to feel good again.. i want to be able to feel.. no one knows that its possible to live withotu feelnigs litrelly.

    something went very bad with my mind... and no one can really tell if it is the demons or childhood drama ..

    still today i go to shrink and have done almost everything.. and i try to forget and do things to ignore my "illenss" but is it an ilness or a possesion? do u know? do u know the feelnig of doom that surrounds me or inside me that fills me when i have to face the fact that i am in pain and i am far from normality?
    i live in a world full of people but i feel so lonley ... i feel so dmaned.. i feel so judged and done with.... i doubt there is a god .. i cant lvoe anymore.. because i ahve no feelings... and the pain is so ever alive.. my toughts so alive .

    and still there are people who hear things and see things...and i am lucky i only had smell and taste halusinations...

    heaven can be turned into hell in matter of seconds.. but who is to know what really happens... possesion? mental breakdown? hell on earth?

    i just dream of having a day that u have.

    1. Show previous comments  9 more
    2. spank

      spank

      Danarchy said:

      This sounds like the plot of Jacob's Ladder.

      I like that movie.

    3. DOOMENSTEIN

      DOOMENSTEIN

      Was there the dead body of a male on your front doorstep? ;)

    4. myk

      myk

      shadowheart said:
      still today i go to shrink and have done almost everything.. and i try to forget and do things to ignore my "illenss" but is it an ilness or a possesion? do u know? do u know the feelnig of doom that surrounds me or inside me that fills me when i have to face the fact that i am in pain and i am far from normality?

      Keep an eye on your hair. If it falls off or turns greenish, you're possessed.

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