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Impie

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About Impie

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  1. Right, but they also do actual reviews where they say the same shit they say in their "spoof" reviews. They claim that they're just satire, but then they claim they're criticism, back and forth. That muddies any attempt at satire, if they're even really trying to be satirical at all. They're more likely using "lol its satire guyz" as a get out of jail card so they can do whatever the hell they want, and most of their commenters and subscribers don't seem to "get the joke" either cos they buy it as criticism and condemn the movies in question. Enough people have called them out for all this that it's probably got some truth to it. Enough that maybe people should give their detractors a break whenever they pipe up, and start questioning their fans a little more instead.
  2. Sorry, but there is no Robotnik outside of Long John Baldry. So the usual string of half-assed out-of-context criticism with no research or additional viewings?
  3. Impie

    Share a random fact about yourself

    I kinda cried for both of those reasons.
  4. Impie

    Share a random fact about yourself

    I suppose so, but I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
  5. Impie

    Share a random fact about yourself

    She's engaged. Bursting into tears kinda was my plan of action.
  6. Impie

    Share a random fact about yourself

    At the end of the day, I'm a sentimental idiot. Was closing up shop with a coworker I'm really crushy about when we discovered the doorknob was jammed and no one would be able to get in the next morning to take care of the dogs. We wake up the boss who's on a business trip elsewhere in the country, ask her for any possible code that might open the side-door, and none of them work. We climb walls like ninja, into the big play yards, to reach the other entrances, and shred our knees and elbows in the process. The codes don't work on those doors either. She realizes she forgot her cigarettes in the truck and we can't climb back over the wall to get them. We have to climb over another wall and land on asphalt to get out of the facility; I toss an outdoor mattress (used as a makeshift dog bed) over the wall for her to land on 'cos she's nervous about the height, whereas I used to climb the rocks on the Oregon shore. We trade embarrassing personal stories waiting for the locksmith to come drill the doorknob. When we finally get back inside, it's almost midnight, and she's coming back at 4am the following day, so she'll get fuck-all for sleep, but she insists she's the only one who needs to stay, and I can go home. I say fuck that, if you're stuck here having a shitty night, then so am I. Besides which, it's a dark, secluded part of town. It's right up the road from the police station, but it's still not a fun place to be alone at night. Next day I come in at 3pm, she's taking a nap in a kennel with a puppy. Embarassing photos ensue. She goes home with massive bedhead. I continue my shift. Near the end I go into the bathroom and find a thank-you card in my locker saying I'm one in a million and thanking me for staying late with her. So less than 4 hours of sleep, and just coming off of a long shift, and going immediately into another long shift, she still finds the time to go get a card for me, find one that has exactly the message she wants for me, writes in it, and puts it in my locker. I immediately burst into tears.
  7. Impie

    Are RPG's the best form of video games?

    Not when they're just visual novels and math homework.
  8. 2.0 Update: 2 preview maps for the other two episodes. A dynamic escape from a reeducation facility, and a massive shootout in a night club (with a badass dynamic music effect).
  9. We've had D&D and other RPG stuff shared on the forums before, but I wanna focus on your favorite funny stories from tabletop sessions: terrible mishaps, ridiculous characters, hilarious escapes from danger, etc. I love reading this kind of shit. This is one I'm pasting here from my website, where you can also find a dumb picture. --- So we’re in the giant port city of Baldur’s Gate, the four of us: Emil the Rogue, Serena the Battlemage/Archer, Darius the Necromancer, and Grommel the Gladiator. We’re on a long-running quest to pursue these cultists who may be up to something world-threatening, but mostly our journey has consisted of infighting and side-questing for the locals. There were a lot of small, funny moments in this campaign, none of which could fill an entire article on their own. We were randomly ambushed on a forest trail by a nest of giant spiders in the middle of an argument. Emil, my character, was best known for disarming traps with his face, because he was technically a locksmith, not a thief. The party was invited to a soiree, where everyone had a great time but Emil, who was being tied to a bed, then gutted like a fish by a hooker who turned out to be his ex in disguise. Grommel was put on surveillance duty, which he had never done before, so his idea of tailing the girl who came out of the house he was watching was to blatantly follow her until he was nearly arrested as a suspected rapist. After winning a gruesome boss battle, Serena barged into a high-class inn, covered head to toe in blood, and waited in the doorway til she had the patrons’ undivided attention before declaring, “You would not BELIEVE the day I’ve had.” Grommel acquired a magic drum that gave instant migraines to whoever beat it, which led to a variety of idiotic experiments to determine how it worked, mostly at our own painful expense. Baldur’s Gate was host to the best event of the game, though. Once in Baldur’s Gate we started running errands for the three political factions, but that’s neither here nor there. Our investigations eventually led us to the local fireworks maker, who had info regarding whichever faction we were working against that week. While we talked with the shopkeeper, Grommel perused the wares, and his half-orc eyes fell upon a magnificent work of art: a bottle rocket the size of a barrel. “What’s that?” he asked. Shopkeeper replied, “That’s my masterpiece. I only make one every two years, ‘cos that’s how long it takes to make.” Grommel pondered a moment, then said, “How much?” “Three hundred gold.” We were rolling in loot at this point in our adventure, so he said, “Done deal.” For the rest of the day, while we ran errands and got into further trouble, Grommel had this flying powder keg tucked under one arm. Eventually we reached a brick wall in our investigations, and we weren’t sure where to go next. Grommel shrugged and said, “Well, I dunno about you chaps, but I’m gonna light this sucker up.” It was the middle of the afternoon, but we were bored and frustrated, so we shrugged and went with. It quickly became apparent that Grommel was drawing a crowd as we made our way down to the pier with this giant bottle rocket: every person we passed dropped what they were doing, stared at our absurd firework, then eventually followed as their curiosity got the better of them. By the time we reached the pier and loaded this rocket into a dinghy, we had a crowd of about a hundred people with us, watching with anticipation. The bottle rocket went out into the bay on its little boat about fifty yards, then Grommel signaled Serena to light it with a flame arrow. It ignited and soared into the sky, where it burst into a myriad of brilliant blue sparks in the life-sized shape of a dragon, dazzling everyone on the pier below. The dragon then proceeded to animate and set fire to the pier and all the ships in port. Suddenly the harbor was a panicked mass of screaming pedestrians, sailors, and dock workers. Ships pulling into port desperately veered off-course to avoid getting caught in the fiery chaos. We looked at each other, realized the city guards were only seconds away, and joined the fleeing crowds. As we fled, we happened to glance to our left. Three blocks up the shore stood the fireworks maker, sick with laughter and slapping his knee. We avoided the piers of Baldur’s Gate for the rest of the week. So did everyone else, since they were still on fire.
  10. They're getting blown in half, and the torso is falling backward.
  11. Impie

    Good Horror games

    Clock Tower on the ps1 scared the shit out of me. Point and click horror mystery adventure where the scissorman could show up at any time and start chasing you again. Really love Call of Cthulhu: Dark Corners of the Earth as well. Also there's a very creepy point and click game called Scratches I remember enjoying.
  12. Impie

    Doomworld Members' Sketchbook

    Splatterhouse movie/comic designs. Plus, some Then and Now Deviantart memes I did years ago, comparing my old drawings with newer efforts. 1) Sexy bunny girl. Left is very detailed but has no character. Right is cartoonier but her personality is unmistakable. 2) Egyptian Goddess Hathor: left is junior high, right is post-college. 3) The storyboards I posted earlier weren't my first attempt at a splatterhouse comic. Left is a sequence from the one i drew in junior high. Right is the same sequence reimagined in my storyboards twenty-odd years later.
  13. Impie

    Your favorite video game announcers.

    The overworld and dungeon narrators from original Dungeon Keeper are among my all-time favorites. I also like the robots in another Bitmap Bros game called Z, which I guess technically counts...? Least favorites: the asshole announcer in Crazy Taxi, and the god of Funkotron in Toejam and Earl 3. The second either of them talks, I lose my temper.
  14. Impie

    Doomworld Members' Sketchbook

    A few excerpts from my old Splatterhouse graphic novel storyboards.
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