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Everything posted by Impie

  1. Right, but they also do actual reviews where they say the same shit they say in their "spoof" reviews. They claim that they're just satire, but then they claim they're criticism, back and forth. That muddies any attempt at satire, if they're even really trying to be satirical at all. They're more likely using "lol its satire guyz" as a get out of jail card so they can do whatever the hell they want, and most of their commenters and subscribers don't seem to "get the joke" either cos they buy it as criticism and condemn the movies in question. Enough people have called them out for all this that it's probably got some truth to it. Enough that maybe people should give their detractors a break whenever they pipe up, and start questioning their fans a little more instead.
  2. Sorry, but there is no Robotnik outside of Long John Baldry. So the usual string of half-assed out-of-context criticism with no research or additional viewings?
  3. Impie

    Share a random fact about yourself

    I kinda cried for both of those reasons.
  4. Impie

    Share a random fact about yourself

    I suppose so, but I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
  5. Impie

    Share a random fact about yourself

    She's engaged. Bursting into tears kinda was my plan of action.
  6. Impie

    Share a random fact about yourself

    At the end of the day, I'm a sentimental idiot. Was closing up shop with a coworker I'm really crushy about when we discovered the doorknob was jammed and no one would be able to get in the next morning to take care of the dogs. We wake up the boss who's on a business trip elsewhere in the country, ask her for any possible code that might open the side-door, and none of them work. We climb walls like ninja, into the big play yards, to reach the other entrances, and shred our knees and elbows in the process. The codes don't work on those doors either. She realizes she forgot her cigarettes in the truck and we can't climb back over the wall to get them. We have to climb over another wall and land on asphalt to get out of the facility; I toss an outdoor mattress (used as a makeshift dog bed) over the wall for her to land on 'cos she's nervous about the height, whereas I used to climb the rocks on the Oregon shore. We trade embarrassing personal stories waiting for the locksmith to come drill the doorknob. When we finally get back inside, it's almost midnight, and she's coming back at 4am the following day, so she'll get fuck-all for sleep, but she insists she's the only one who needs to stay, and I can go home. I say fuck that, if you're stuck here having a shitty night, then so am I. Besides which, it's a dark, secluded part of town. It's right up the road from the police station, but it's still not a fun place to be alone at night. Next day I come in at 3pm, she's taking a nap in a kennel with a puppy. Embarassing photos ensue. She goes home with massive bedhead. I continue my shift. Near the end I go into the bathroom and find a thank-you card in my locker saying I'm one in a million and thanking me for staying late with her. So less than 4 hours of sleep, and just coming off of a long shift, and going immediately into another long shift, she still finds the time to go get a card for me, find one that has exactly the message she wants for me, writes in it, and puts it in my locker. I immediately burst into tears.
  7. Impie

    Are RPG's the best form of video games?

    Not when they're just visual novels and math homework.
  8. We've had D&D and other RPG stuff shared on the forums before, but I wanna focus on your favorite funny stories from tabletop sessions: terrible mishaps, ridiculous characters, hilarious escapes from danger, etc. I love reading this kind of shit. This is one I'm pasting here from my website, where you can also find a dumb picture. --- So we’re in the giant port city of Baldur’s Gate, the four of us: Emil the Rogue, Serena the Battlemage/Archer, Darius the Necromancer, and Grommel the Gladiator. We’re on a long-running quest to pursue these cultists who may be up to something world-threatening, but mostly our journey has consisted of infighting and side-questing for the locals. There were a lot of small, funny moments in this campaign, none of which could fill an entire article on their own. We were randomly ambushed on a forest trail by a nest of giant spiders in the middle of an argument. Emil, my character, was best known for disarming traps with his face, because he was technically a locksmith, not a thief. The party was invited to a soiree, where everyone had a great time but Emil, who was being tied to a bed, then gutted like a fish by a hooker who turned out to be his ex in disguise. Grommel was put on surveillance duty, which he had never done before, so his idea of tailing the girl who came out of the house he was watching was to blatantly follow her until he was nearly arrested as a suspected rapist. After winning a gruesome boss battle, Serena barged into a high-class inn, covered head to toe in blood, and waited in the doorway til she had the patrons’ undivided attention before declaring, “You would not BELIEVE the day I’ve had.” Grommel acquired a magic drum that gave instant migraines to whoever beat it, which led to a variety of idiotic experiments to determine how it worked, mostly at our own painful expense. Baldur’s Gate was host to the best event of the game, though. Once in Baldur’s Gate we started running errands for the three political factions, but that’s neither here nor there. Our investigations eventually led us to the local fireworks maker, who had info regarding whichever faction we were working against that week. While we talked with the shopkeeper, Grommel perused the wares, and his half-orc eyes fell upon a magnificent work of art: a bottle rocket the size of a barrel. “What’s that?” he asked. Shopkeeper replied, “That’s my masterpiece. I only make one every two years, ‘cos that’s how long it takes to make.” Grommel pondered a moment, then said, “How much?” “Three hundred gold.” We were rolling in loot at this point in our adventure, so he said, “Done deal.” For the rest of the day, while we ran errands and got into further trouble, Grommel had this flying powder keg tucked under one arm. Eventually we reached a brick wall in our investigations, and we weren’t sure where to go next. Grommel shrugged and said, “Well, I dunno about you chaps, but I’m gonna light this sucker up.” It was the middle of the afternoon, but we were bored and frustrated, so we shrugged and went with. It quickly became apparent that Grommel was drawing a crowd as we made our way down to the pier with this giant bottle rocket: every person we passed dropped what they were doing, stared at our absurd firework, then eventually followed as their curiosity got the better of them. By the time we reached the pier and loaded this rocket into a dinghy, we had a crowd of about a hundred people with us, watching with anticipation. The bottle rocket went out into the bay on its little boat about fifty yards, then Grommel signaled Serena to light it with a flame arrow. It ignited and soared into the sky, where it burst into a myriad of brilliant blue sparks in the life-sized shape of a dragon, dazzling everyone on the pier below. The dragon then proceeded to animate and set fire to the pier and all the ships in port. Suddenly the harbor was a panicked mass of screaming pedestrians, sailors, and dock workers. Ships pulling into port desperately veered off-course to avoid getting caught in the fiery chaos. We looked at each other, realized the city guards were only seconds away, and joined the fleeing crowds. As we fled, we happened to glance to our left. Three blocks up the shore stood the fireworks maker, sick with laughter and slapping his knee. We avoided the piers of Baldur’s Gate for the rest of the week. So did everyone else, since they were still on fire.
  9. 2.0 Update: 2 preview maps for the other two episodes. A dynamic escape from a reeducation facility, and a massive shootout in a night club (with a badass dynamic music effect).
  10. Less sci-fi, more action movie. New bad guys. Dynamic music effects. DOWNLOAD THE FIRST EPISODE Author's Note: I had thought about a sequel to Project Einherjar for some time, but more importantly, a game experience that better encompassed the essence of the book series it was based on. Whenever I edit my fiction, I listen to a music playlist that suits the mood of the piece, to fuel my drive to finish the project. I thought it would be cool to use that music in a game project to help bring Winter Agent Juno alive the way I envisioned it. So I built Midgard Outlaw around the dynamic music mechanic, using music directly from my WAJ inspirational playlist, and toned down the sci-fi elements considerably. I’m really happy with the end result and hope you guys and dolls enjoy it, too.
  11. They're getting blown in half, and the torso is falling backward.
  12. I said a while back that I was expanding the story of the mod into another book. I uploaded the first act of this book onto Tapas for a novel contest. You can read it here. A robot apocalypse looms on the horizon… After surviving a robotic drone attack in her own neighborhood, Juno gladly accepts the dangerous task of hunting the drone’s creator and bringing him to justice. As the only surviving member of the notorious Ghost Lion commando unit, she’s the ultimate hunter. Her mission takes her back to Jotunheim for the first time since the end of the war, where she quickly finds herself unwelcome everywhere she goes: from a land of femnazis and male slaves, to a macho dictatorship where women soldiers are forbidden, culture shock becomes the least of her worries. The trail leads to an old enemy who has a few bones to pick with Juno…and will take her pick of those bones from Juno’s corpse.
  13. Impie

    Good Horror games

    Clock Tower on the ps1 scared the shit out of me. Point and click horror mystery adventure where the scissorman could show up at any time and start chasing you again. Really love Call of Cthulhu: Dark Corners of the Earth as well. Also there's a very creepy point and click game called Scratches I remember enjoying.
  14. Impie

    Doomworld Members' Sketchbook

    Splatterhouse movie/comic designs. Plus, some Then and Now Deviantart memes I did years ago, comparing my old drawings with newer efforts. 1) Sexy bunny girl. Left is very detailed but has no character. Right is cartoonier but her personality is unmistakable. 2) Egyptian Goddess Hathor: left is junior high, right is post-college. 3) The storyboards I posted earlier weren't my first attempt at a splatterhouse comic. Left is a sequence from the one i drew in junior high. Right is the same sequence reimagined in my storyboards twenty-odd years later.
  15. Impie

    Your favorite video game announcers.

    The overworld and dungeon narrators from original Dungeon Keeper are among my all-time favorites. I also like the robots in another Bitmap Bros game called Z, which I guess technically counts...? Least favorites: the asshole announcer in Crazy Taxi, and the god of Funkotron in Toejam and Earl 3. The second either of them talks, I lose my temper.
  16. Impie

    Doomworld Members' Sketchbook

    A few excerpts from my old Splatterhouse graphic novel storyboards.
  17. It does. Maybe you were lucky, but it's happened. I have rubbed up against a monster, pointed the gun in their mouth, pulled the trigger, and left a Looney Tunes outline around the unharmed monster.
  18. Impie

    Random Video Thread

  19. The monsters die easier. That's not the same as a weapon being overpowered. Even then, you can't miss with the SSG at point blank, unlike the Doom 3 shotgun, which more than once COMPLETELY MISSED A TARGET AT POINT BLANK RANGE for me. Utter garbage, even compared to the rest of the garbage arsenal. I'd also like to nominate the Riot Gun from Shadow Warrior. Awful fire rate, wasteful alt fire, and either way you're forced to reload after only four shots. Even regular pump-actions have a minimum of 5 shots before they go dry, plus one in the chamber. It has a magazine and four gatling barrels. The damn thing should be a fully-auto shotgun, not a pepperbox gun with one shot per barrel. The riot gun LOOKS awesome, but it's borderline worthless.
  20. I've played tons of wads don't start out as slaughter wads, but turn into them little over halfway through. So the bitching is valid, and "get gud" isn't a valid argument because you can be a master at Doom and still find them tedious and unfun.
  21. Impie

    Worst Ending in a videogame?

    You have to be asleep to go to subcon. It all really happened. Hacx has the worst ending. Don't end your game with a To Be Continued, guys...
  22. Impie

    Doomworld Members' Sketchbook

    Pic based on The Gaulheim Hit.
  23. Impie

    Doomworld Members' Sketchbook

    Drew Dr Gaul from Last of the Ghost Lions (which I'm still struggling to finish writing), based on my Project Einherjar mod. Inspired by Mazoyah's fan-art for the mod (right).
  24. Impie

    Female Protagonist in the new Doom movie?

    Assuming it isn't speculation and they are indeed arbitrarily turning Doomguy into Doomgirl, they're doing it because of the current genderswap trend in media. They made a genderswap fanfic Ghostbusters movie, and they're giving Dr Who and James Bond the same treatment (despite male/female timelords being established as canon, and despite there being plenty of female Bond equivalents in print at the same time as Fleming that would make their own great franchises). Brand awareness + fan controversy = (theoretical) $$$. That's it. I've planned female protagonists for a few of my own Doom books, but I stuck to the source material in the beginning, THEN took creative license with the rest. Didn't just take the original Doom story and do whatever the fuck I wanted. EDIT: Kinda reminds me of similar issues with arbitrary character changes, where depending what the change was, the same people would react differently. Change White Nick Fury to Minority Nick Fury and someone goes "omg like it even matters who plays him lol"; a white guy gets cast as Iron Fist and that same person is outraged that it wasn't an Asian actor (Iron Fist was white in the comics, dumbass). My point being, artistic integrity has become a joke for the sake of profit and far-left internet politics. Kinda curious how Blade woulda turned out if they changed him to a cholita.