40oz

A couple nights ago I started watching a TLC 'reality documentary' series on netflix called extreme cheapskates. I'm a bit of a stickler at times in regards to spending money, and it was a bit relieving to see people so radically in that direction.

On the first episode, first guy they interview, out of all the episodes on netflix I watched, was the worst. He air dries his paper towels on a clothesline so that he can use to dry is hands or clean up a mess as much as five times. He puts a brick in the back of the toilet tank to displace the water so it uses less per flush, sharpens his disposable razors, picks up any amount of loose change, buys expired foods from the liquidation store, even asks people at restaurants for their leftover foods when they're done eating!

The worst of it though was, that his wife and him were talking about their wedding day, and how he had orthodontic surgery the very next day with no insurance. She had a job and insurance, which was the reason he married her.

The episode continued, and it's the morning before their 25th wedding anniversary dinner. And he had to get her a gift. She said she's given up expecting any sort of jewelry or fancy restaurant or whatever. The self-proclaimed extreme cheapskate spends the day seeking a variety of gifts to get for her wife for their 25th anniversary dinner -- starting with the dumpster. In his searches, he finds four wilted roses, to which he proudly states "nothing says romance like flowers" and a teapot, which he defended his finding by saying she's always drinking tea.

Later on he moves on to the discount food store, purchases a bottled water for $0.15, and a miniature box of animal crackers for $0.30. "Not even expired!" he exclaims. Then he 'splurges a little' this year by buying her a skull shaped stress ball for $0.99. When he gets home, he finds an old greeting card his sister in law gave to his wife when she was ill. He crosses her name out on the card and writes his own, and paperclips a piece of paper reading "Happy Anniversary" over the message in the card!

When they go out to dinner that night to the local diner, she begs him, for this one day a year, not to take other people's leftovers. They bicker about it back and forth on the ride there. When they get there, he says he needs go to the restroom, but instead gives the $0.15 water to the diner staff and asks them to refrigerate it for him, so that they can serve it to his wife in lieu of paying for a normal beverage.

The night proceeds with him giving her the garbage he collected for her. While not ungrateful, she's obviously not impressed. He later starts scavenging tables where the guests left their leftover food for the wait staff to collect, embarrassing her like no other. The episode ends with her consolidating herself by saying these things happen, but she gets over them in time. I thought to myself I would never be like him.

The very next morning I go out to walk my dog just before sunrise. As were walking, my eyes fall upon a trash can. Perched directly on top, is a 21 in flatscreen LCD computer monitor in great condition. Much bigger than my current monitor. It wasn't even in the trash, but sitting on top of an old beanbag, filling up the can. I stared at it for a while, but it was still dark out, no one was around. I hesitated. Started to walk away, then turned around and yanked it out of the can. I took it home, tested it, and it works fine! Much larger than my current monitor which i paid over $100 for, and the colors really pop. It's not in my interest to pick from the trash, but I can't help but feel like I really scored big.

I hate myself.